Friend separating - can partner stop her seeing child?

martin2345uk

Thanks all. She's moving into this flat next weekend - the tenants are moving out on the 31st August.
Yeah the partner is pretty controlling; she won't contact women's aid or anything like that as she doesn't want to "rock the boat" which is frustrating.

It's good to know the police won't do anything - it's not like she's planning on kidnapping him and keeping him permanently; she just wants him a couple of nights a week at hers to get used to the place.

Her dad is going to speak to him this week in a last ditch attempt to get him to agree a more shared routine and avoid the expense of court...

martin2345uk

Actually another question that comes to mind. Say she keeps the kid overnight. Then he goes back to his dads. What happens if his dad then refuses to let her take him again..? What can she do?

sheramber

Contacting Womens Aid will not rock the boat. 

They will give her advice and answer her questions on how to proceed. I think they also have access to lawyers for advice.

Better than asking strangers on a forum.

unforeseen

martin2345uk said:

Actually another question that comes to mind. Say she keeps the kid overnight. Then he goes back to his dads. What happens if his dad then refuses to let her take him again..? What can she do?

If he is named on the birth certificate then same as if the sexes were reversed - not a great deal without a court order. Even then court orders tend to be toothless in reality in these conditions. Something that comes up regularly on these boards.

T.T.D

It sounds as though your old friend is using the classic buzzwords to gain an upper hand and control what’s going in the family dispute of contact. 

This won’t work in a court setting contact will be 50/50 unless cafcass can identify issues with either parties behaviours and beliefs with each parent, if he has no evidence to back up his claims, he’s walking down alienating behaviour territory where he could end up in a supervised setting for contact.  

martin2345uk

He isn't my friend, she is!
But yes it does sound like that is what he is doing...

T.T.D

martin2345uk said:

He isn't my friend, she is!
But yes it does sound like that is what he is doing...

Apologies for the confusion my end. 

TBagpuss

T.T.D said:

It sounds as though your old friend is using the classic buzzwords to gain an upper hand and control what’s going in the family dispute of contact. 

This won’t work in a court setting contact will be 50/50 unless cafcass can identify issues with either parties behaviours and beliefs with each parent, if he has no evidence to back up his claims, he’s walking down alienating behaviour territory where he could end up in a supervised setting for contact.  

No it won't. Contact arrangents are based on what is in the best inerests of the child, and 50/50 is rarely what will be best / most practical.

OP, if your friend's partner failed to return the child then she could make anurdgent application to the corut at that point for the child to be returned and then for a formal order to set out how cre should be agred moving formward. 

Ideally of course the two of them would b able to reach an agreement about how to share careto avoid tht, but it isn't always possible.

Sionce he has raised the issue of her anti-depressants as the stated concern, one thing she could do is to speak to her GP . tell her GP about her concerns about her ex's controlling behaviour (as it may be useful to have a a record of her having raised this, if things do get worse, and her GP will be able to suggest local support services) and also ask the GP about whenther the nti-deprenssants would typically cause her to slep more deeply / be unable to wae up.

If they say yes, then she may want to talk bout a managed change to the medication to one without that side effect, if they say no, she can ask if they are willing to do her a letter to conform that it is unlikely to be an issue , which she can then give a her ex a copy of if/when he raises it as a 'concern' 

tightauldgit

Its all bluster and BS. I've dealt with CAFCASS and they have a lot of real issues to deal with and aren't going to support any kind of order denying a mum contact time unless she's a real risk. 

From my experience solicitors arent required for a CAO hearing as there are very few legal questions, its about practical arrangements for the kid. 

squirrelchops2

I agree with TBagPuss. Exact 50/50 splits rarely work - I have only seen it work once and that was because the parental split was amicable and they could work together to meet their children's needs.