Next of Kin when estranged from family

skint_chick

lr1277 said:

I know this may sound morbid, but you should have the Do Not Resuscitate conversation with your family and/or your attorney for health and welfare.

When my dad went into hospital a few years ago and the prognosis did not look good, the doctors asked us this question. As we had already discussed this with dad, it was easy to give the answer he wanted given.

This is important! My mum was taken into hospital very suddenly and we were told they would not resuscitate her due to her age (early 70s), luckily we'd had a conversation well before this and she'd said she didn't want to be kept alive by machines and was happy if it was her time as she'd had a good life. It was still a huge shock and very difficult to deal with though, so the more your family you do have contact with know about your wishes the better it will be for them to know what you would want if there are decisions to be made by them.

Brie

skint_chick said:

lr1277 said:

I know this may sound morbid, but you should have the Do Not Resuscitate conversation with your family and/or your attorney for health and welfare.

When my dad went into hospital a few years ago and the prognosis did not look good, the doctors asked us this question. As we had already discussed this with dad, it was easy to give the answer he wanted given.

This is important! My mum was taken into hospital very suddenly and we were told they would not resuscitate her due to her age (early 70s), luckily we'd had a conversation well before this and she'd said she didn't want to be kept alive by machines and was happy if it was her time as she'd had a good life. It was still a huge shock and very difficult to deal with though, so the more your family you do have contact with know about your wishes the better it will be for them to know what you would want if there are decisions to be made by them.

It's a point of contention within families too.  The decision to DNR needs to be known to all the relevant "NOK" so partner, siblings etc.  I could cite 2 examples of people arguing at the hospital about someone wanted or didn't want to happen.  It's a very difficult decision to make and is much easier if the individual has clearly documented to DNR (& at a time people know they had capacity) .

JGB1955

Brie said:

It's a point of contention within families too.  The decision to DNR needs to be known to all the relevant "NOK" so partner, siblings etc.  I could cite 2 examples of people arguing at the hospital about someone wanted or didn't want to happen.  It's a very difficult decision to make and is much easier if the individual has clearly documented to DNR (& at a time people know they had capacity) .

My father had a DNA form stuck on his fridge (he was 86 at the time this became REALLY relevant).  Admitted to hospital and we were able to send a copy of it (by mobile phone) to the emergency department where he had ended up after an internal bleed.  Sadly (for him) they decided to give him a blood transfusion and he survived another 20 months......  Far better for them to have stopped treatment at the initial stage.  Lesson learned - my DNA is VERY specific!

elsien

DNACPR is specifically around whether to restart your heart or not. Nothing else. No other medical decisions. 

Some are incorporated into a Respect form which look more at the  balance of treatment vs comfort. 

But if you want clarity around treatments you don’t want, then you need to specifically make an advance decision. In writing. 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-life-care/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment/

Make sure it’s revised and kept up to date because it can be overturned in some circumstances otherwise. And Mahdi sure there’s a copy lodged with your GP, your family and anyone else you can think of who is relevant. I know one person who carries it with them because if you’re in an accident and no-one knows who you are, they’re not going to be holding off emergency treatment while they try to find out.