Home care

elsien

Sterlingtimes said:

in_my_wellies said:

Here the county council came to do the assessment. I'm so confused that I don't know if they were from SS but anyway, mum is self funded so I opted out of the financial assessment.

My mother has become very rude. No pleases or thank yous anymore. She gives instructions such as "fill my glass", "take this away", "give me a serviette, and "not now; come to see me later". I think that she may be upsetting the very people who are giving her help.

Again, it’s something the carers should be trained to deal with. It’s not that unusual for people to start behaving in ways that they may not have done previously. If they can’t manage it then they’re not who you want supporting your mother anyway. 

elsien

PennyForThem_2 said:

As an introvert who absolutely makes my own entertainment and likes my own company, I would hate, hate, hate going into a residential carehome with a caveat.  If I had dementia I would hope I didnot realise .....

If an extrovert why wouldn't you want to?  People watching, socialising, gossiping - I would have thought catnip for extroverts - but am I wrong?

I could answer that but I don’t think it would be particularly helpful to the OP with everything they’ve got going on. Maybe a question for a different thread. 

Mojisola

PennyForThem_2 said:

If an extrovert why wouldn't you want to?  People watching, socialising, gossiping - I would have thought catnip for extroverts - but am I wrong?

My Dad was much happier after he moved into a residential home.

He loved company - being alone at home for hours on end wasn't good for him.

Savvy_Sue

elsien said:

Sterlingtimes said:
My mother has become very rude. No pleases or thank yous anymore. She gives instructions such as "fill my glass", "take this away", "give me a serviette, and "not now; come to see me later". I think that she may be upsetting the very people who are giving her help.

Again, it’s something the carers should be trained to deal with. It’s not that unusual for people to start behaving in ways that they may not have done previously. If they can’t manage it then they’re not who you want supporting your mother anyway. 

And I'd say that is something which happens, and part of it is asserting control in a situation where you may feel that very little is left in your control. 

middlewife

Carers can supervise medication if its in a nomad. The challenge is finding a pharmacy that will dispense and deliver a nomad pack. The carers need training but any decent agency shouldn't have a problem.  I was also told that my mother could not possibly have developed dementia as fast as she did. There were signs which the rest of the family chose to ignore, 2 GPS refused to assess her immediately after discharge which I understand but the situation wasn't sustainable.  She would forget telephone calls from nurses and doctors, get muddled with meds, lose parcels of medical supplies, more than once we found boxes of catheters in the dustbin! You can ask the GP surgery to ring you as well as your mum for important calls, until you have poa they should accept a letter IF you can get her to sign it. My mum is sweetness and light, my MIL sounds very like your mum, has refused all offers of help and is putting her attendance allowance into a high interest account . Still rattling round a 1930s detached house, very rude person but will not grant poa to anyone, so I feel for you OP

Sterlingtimes

middlewife said:

Carers can supervise medication if its in a nomad. The challenge is finding a pharmacy that will dispense and deliver a nomad pack. The carers need training but any decent agency shouldn't have a problem.  I was also told that my mother could not possibly have developed dementia as

Thank you. Having reconsidered the situation regarding drug administration, most drugs are taken once daily. Save for the paracetamol, only apixaban must be taken at a different time. I can give my mother the drugs at midday.

Things are getting far worse. In my mind (despite the doubts of professionals), my mother has dementia. There has been a steep cognitive decline even within the last few days.

She wants to die. She is eating very little except for fruit. She is still drinking coffee and water. She wants to be at home and still wants her friends to pop in to see her. I suspect that she is in a bad way.

middlewife

So sorry, my mum too kept saying she wanted to die, it is heartbreaking.  She was, laughably, diagnosed with mild cognitive decline, even though her scores were consistent with dementia.  If diagnosed with dementia she would be offered treatment, and at 94, I understand why they are reluctant.  I also understand trying to keep her at home, but maybe consider a weeks respite care if things get too bad. Its better to look at care in advance when you have some choice, rather than wait and then have choice taken away. Look after yourself.

Sterlingtimes

Age UK thinks the average cost of care in England is £15 an hour. The reality is that the prices are for 30 minutes of attendance. The attendance is sold in 30-minute chunks. Therefore I will buy two chunks of 30-minutes per day for £36 total on weekdays and £40 total at weekends. 

What is clear is that the service quality offered for client-funded care far exceeds that of state-funded care.

trevjl

The majority of "state funded care" is through private providers where the relevant council pay the care company. No offence intended, but I have had many a heated discussion with friends about it. They complain at the cost, but then I point out that the carers are on about £10 £11 an hour, there is fuel, insurance, compliance, office staff and overheads before they even look at making a profit. My wife has been a carers on the road and office side for 30 odd years.
Seems people are happy to pay BMW £120 an hour to service their car but not the  £26 an hour that my wifes employer charges to look after a relative. My company charge me at about £75ph and my wife gets £10.65 for to be frank, wiping bottoms.
I will never complain about the cost if it comes to care for my 89 yo mother.

tooldle

People complain about the cost of residential care to. My mum’s fees are now just over 42K per year. When you break that down to an hourly rate it is peanuts, and covers almost everything with someone to chat/assist/support available 24/7
Mum has dementia and is about to enter her tenth year in care. An earlier poster said not to overcommit in terms of what you might be able to do. I’d second that suggestion. What might seem reasonable and achievable now, may soon become impossible. Never underestimate the resilience of the individual with dementia to keep going and going. Don’t break yourself in trying to keep the balls in the air.