Should I lend money to an ex?

Mark300zx

Lent her money a couple of times in the past when she had fallen upon hard times and she has always paid it back, but over the years the same old pattern and story has been repeating itself. I feel in some way I am facilitating this life pattern the fault always belongs to someone else and/or she's been unlucky, she has been a good friend to me but I feel awkward about how money is always somehow lingering in the background?

Over to the floor!

Pollycat

Define 'hard times'.
Some people say they're broke because they can only afford 2 weeks in Barbados instead of the usual 3.

How much money have you loaned her in the past?
Has she always paid you back on time?

littlegreenparrot

I once read that you should never lend money if you can't afford to write it off. 

I have in the past given money to younger siblings to help them out of a hole, safe in the knowledge I would never see it again. 
It wasn't huge amounts, I could afford it, it was particular unforeseen circumstances. I offered rather than being asked. They're family, at some stage I claim a similar level of favour. 

It would have to be a similar level of lifelong friend for me to even consider it. Would not tolerate it being a repeated pattern. 

Sebi_895

Ex for a reason mate...

Mark300zx

Pollycat said:

Define 'hard times'.
Some people say they're broke because they can only afford 2 weeks in Barbados instead of the usual 3.

How much money have you loaned her in the past?
Has she always paid you back on time?

She hasn't been on holiday for at least 15 years, living a very meagre existence, driving a 20-year-old car which she needs for work.

Always paid back on time and two lots of £5k.

T.T.D

Some people end up depending on Peter to pay Paul and never really having the money themselves to lose and feel the loss. 

She needs to feels the loss. I’m going to say no don’t. 

Twixty3

Would she struggle a bit more to repay what she borrows now that the cost of living is increasing or is she borrowing to live ? 

There’s always a chance with repeat borrowing that there is the one time it doesn’t get repaid in full. 

Pollycat

Mark300zx said:

Pollycat said:

Define 'hard times'.
Some people say they're broke because they can only afford 2 weeks in Barbados instead of the usual 3.

How much money have you loaned her in the past?
Has she always paid you back on time?

She hasn't been on holiday for at least 15 years, living a very meagre existence, driving a 20-year-old car which she needs for work.

Always paid back on time and two lots of £5k.

Well, she has good history of repaying you.

But her meagre existence is only going to get worse as the cost of living goes up.
Does she budget well?
Or does she spend money that she can't really afford on things like scratch cards?

Your choice.
If you can afford to write off £5K or some part of it, you could do it if you want.

But I suspect you're worried about this becoming a more regular thing.

yvonne13_2

Mark300zx said:

Lent her money a couple of times in the past when she had fallen upon hard times and she has always paid it back, but over the years the same old pattern and story has been repeating itself. I feel in some way I am facilitating this life pattern the fault always belongs to someone else and/or she's been unlucky, she has been a good friend to me but I feel awkward about how money is always somehow lingering in the background?

Over to the floor!

Your friend always seems to have the money to pay you back, so she doesn't need to get it from you. She could be paying you in drips and drabs for all we know, but she finds it to pay back.

If you were in the same situation could she lend it to you?

 A true friend wouldn't lean on you for money. 5k is way too much to lose in this day an age. Tell her the Bank of Mark is now closed and see if the friendship remains the same.

nyermen

littlegreenparrot said:

I once read that you should never lend money if you can't afford to write it off. 

100%.  A tiny version of the "if you owe the bank a million, you have a problem, if you owe them a billion, they've got a problem".

I have a friend who I saw the same pattern with (not an ex!), and the very last time, I just said keep it. (It was always the same amount - £50 or so to last until payday for fuel - my thinking was if they then came and asked again i would just say what happened to the money you saved last time so this wouldn't happen again).  In fact they never (needed to?) asked again.

yvonne13_2

If someone has to keep lending money they need to find a better job.