DIVORCE MESS

hwbt2020

Silvertabby said:

hwbt2020 said:

BrassicWoman said:

Does dad have a pension? As there is entitlement to a share of it (probably)

I would contact Women's Aid.

Yes one which he is very protective over. He was a Prison Officer (and treated us like inmates) and has a Civil; Service pension; when they met he was bouncing around from job to job, my Mum pulled him up, supported him through adult education and encouraged him to better himself every step of the way. All he has achieved in life was within the context of their marriage.

Ignore your dad if he tries to say that your mum can't touch his pension, because it is already in payment.  From what you have said, your mum should be entitled to a substantial part of that from a PSO (pension sharing order).

Just ensure that your mum's solicitor knows that they have to obtain a valuation of the pension by means of a Divorce CETV (cash equivalent transfer value).  The Divorce Court will then state the percentage to be paid to your mum as part of the Decree Absolute.  

Also ensure that your mum insists on a PSO instead of a pension allocation order.  With a PSO the funds are transferred into a Civil Service Pension Credit account in her own name, and her monthly pension is paid directly to her.  With an allocation order, your dad would continue to receive his full pension, then pay £X to your mum, thus continuing his control over her.

Thank you so much; we are going to a solicitor on Thursday and I'm making notes of all of this x

hwbt2020

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

tightauldgit

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

elsien

tightauldgit said:

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

He has as much right to be there as she does, unless there's some sort of injunction or legal framework in place to prevent him from having access. 

tightauldgit

elsien said:

tightauldgit said:

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

He has as much right to be there as she does, unless there's some sort of injunction or legal framework in place to prevent him from having access. 

He moved out. He doesn't have a right to access someone else's home any time he wants to. In this case the OP is scared for her safety - the answer is to change the locks. If he wants to move back or to have access to the property let him pursue it through the legal channels. In the meantime, change the locks and make yourself safe. 

GrumpyDil

tightauldgit said:

elsien said:

tightauldgit said:

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

He has as much right to be there as she does, unless there's some sort of injunction or legal framework in place to prevent him from having access. 

He moved out. He doesn't have a right to access someone else's home any time he wants to. In this case the OP is scared for her safety - the answer is to change the locks. If he wants to move back or to have access to the property let him pursue it through the legal channels. In the meantime, change the locks and make yourself safe. 

Sorry but it is still his house. Unless there is a legal restriction place he has every right to return as and when he wants to. Not what OP wants to hear but the facts. 

tightauldgit

GrumpyDil said:

tightauldgit said:

elsien said:

tightauldgit said:

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

He has as much right to be there as she does, unless there's some sort of injunction or legal framework in place to prevent him from having access. 

He moved out. He doesn't have a right to access someone else's home any time he wants to. In this case the OP is scared for her safety - the answer is to change the locks. If he wants to move back or to have access to the property let him pursue it through the legal channels. In the meantime, change the locks and make yourself safe. 

Sorry but it is still his house. Unless there is a legal restriction place he has every right to return as and when he wants to. Not what OP wants to hear but the facts. 

That's not the facts at all. Ownership does not give you a right of access as and when you want. It's no longer his home because he moved out. He admitted that when he took his name off the utility bills. He has limited rights of access, just as a landlord would have to a rented property. And in order to enforce those rights he has to follow the proper legal processes. 

He has absconded with their money - it's hardball time. Especially when there has been abuse. 

Change the locks and let him hire a lawyer to get access to the property if he wants to. Better that than have him let himself in one night drunk and angry. 

Yes, legally you have to allow him access...but make him work for it. Get the injunction to stop him returning and make it all legal and above board, but in the meantime... change the locks and sleep easy. 

hwbt2020

GrumpyDil said:

tightauldgit said:

elsien said:

tightauldgit said:

hwbt2020 said:

TBagpuss said:

hwbt2020 said:

I know there’s a lot going on here but if you could just pick one of the issues and advise I would be so very grateful.

 

BACKGROUND: My father has walked out on my Mum after 47 years of marriage; many of which we (Mum and me) lived in fear of his controlling, abusive coercive attitude towards us. He emptied their joint bank accounts, cancelled all the direct debits for the household bills etc, and has not offered to pay a single penny going forwards. My Mum has only her state pension and lower rate PIP, and is unable to work.

 

My specific questions are:

1.     Surely he cannot just walk away without contributing and still expect half the profit from the house sale if/when it sells?

 He can expect anything , the issue is whether he gets it.  Ultimately, the aim is to reach a fair setttlement for both of them taking into account all circumstnaces. Normally, particulalry for a long marraige, that would be 50% each of all assets, but a diffferent split can be fair once all factors are considered .

It's fairly normal for the person who is occupying the family home to be responsible for paying the bills and other outgoings on it 

2.     We phoned EON (who we have both gas and electricity with) and explained what had happened. They took the crime reference number (from the police having been called out due to his final violent outburst on the day he left), and said they would freeze the account and continue supplying my Mum and await for them to reach an arrangement. My father was the only name on the account. He has since contacted EON and had the accounts put in my Mum’s name and she’s now received a bill for the full amount owed. At no point did anyone from EON contact her to ask for her consent to take on the bill. Is EON at fault here?

Possibly. If his name was on the bill then your mother should not be billed for anything prior to the date your date moved out or EON was notified. At that point, they should have produced a final bill in his name then set up a new account in yourMum's name. If theytransferred the debtt from the old account toh er then that's not correct . Howecer, if they have set up a new account and the bill is based on her estimated or actual usage then it is pretty standard. 

If they had told her that it would be frozen then it is not good customer service to have failed to inform her if that was changing  

3.     The big one. Earlier this year my father pressured my Mum into taking a lifetime equity mortgage out on their house – the proceeds of this were supposed to go towards house renovations to make it sellable, instead that’s what he has cleared off with. I also had to agree to the mortgage as I live with them; I had to give verbal consent over a Zoom call and on the day I was crying my eyes out and he was stood behind me whispering in my ear – are the mortgage company negligent for not flagging up my distress and accepting my coerced consent.

 This would be relevant in the finacial settlement., A court can do what is called 'adding back' where if one party has taken assets and spent the money, a court can treat them as still having it or as it still being part of the pot. So if your dad took £100,000 then a court would be free to ttreat him as having that £100,000 already as part of his share of the assets, and prividing for ytour mum to have a simliar amount before the balanceofthe assets were split.

This kind of calcualation depends on the individual facts - for instnace, it may be that it will be considered reasonablefor him to use some of the funshe has, for isntnace to obtain alteative accommodation, but assuming that the money is a signifcant proportion of the parties total assets, it is unlikely that a court will consider it fair that he reatins that and then gets half of what is left on top. 

In terms of whether the mortgage lender was negligent - probaly not. It sounds as though you are an occupier butnot an owner - what you were consenting to was that the lender's interests take precedennce over yours - i.e. that you can be evicted if the house were to be repossessed. You don't have a claim to the house.

It would be much more relvant to look at what your mum signed and in what circumstances . Either way however , rather than trying to blame the mortgagelender your mum's best course of action is likely to be to get a good solicitor and to aim for a suitable finacial settlement. She may be able to ask the court to take into account both that her husband has already had a significant propertion of the assets and possibly also that becaue he took that trather than using it as planned to carry out improvements to the house, that the house value is lower than it would have been. 

She will be able to seek a % of the equity when the house is sold taking into account what he's already had, and will also be able to seek a share of his pensions (if he has private pensions) and any other assets. 

I know there’s a lot of questions there but, as he’s taken all their money, we can’t afford a solicitor and legal aid is apparently now very hard to get. My Mum has severe visual impairment and is also in a state of shock and grief after all that has happened so I’m trying to sort things as much as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this,

comments in bold above 

Legal aid is not available for most family cases but it is available if you are applying for an injunction due to domestic abuse and if granted for that, it may be possible to apply to extend the certificate to include financial issues. If she is scared of him and vulnerable then apllying for an injunction to prevent him from being able to just walk back in may be sensible. She can also iclude in that an application for him to pay any monthly costs of the mortgage is there are any . 

She's terrified he's going to come back. When I was little, she was the strong feisty one, but over the years he has ground her down.

Change the locks if he still has keys. 

He has as much right to be there as she does, unless there's some sort of injunction or legal framework in place to prevent him from having access. 

He moved out. He doesn't have a right to access someone else's home any time he wants to. In this case the OP is scared for her safety - the answer is to change the locks. If he wants to move back or to have access to the property let him pursue it through the legal channels. In the meantime, channge the locks and make yourself safe. 

Sorry but it is still his house. Unless there is a legal restriction place he has every right to return as and when he wants to. Not what OP wants to hear but the facts. 

GrumpyDil, its not about what I do or don't want to say; I posted here for factual advice, not for an ego boost and certainly not for validation that my "father" is a 1st class c***. Knowledge is power, and power is what my Mum needs right now; he is the one playing dirty and we need to fight back.. We have talked about changing the locks but 1. It's a cost we really can't afford and 2. We were unsure how this may look in court (it will end up in court); he is very manipulative and could sweet talk a judge.

We have managed (very easily actually) to get him off the electoral register at our address (our county council were very obliging); it was too make it harder for him to get credit and because we don't know what debts he might have wracked up in secret. As he's not on the electoral roll here, does that mean he has less/no rights to enter?

GrumpyDil

@tightauldgit
The husband is the joint legal owner of the property. Whilst a tenancy over the property would restrict his access to the property that is not the case in this scenario. As the owner he has rights to access the property so, although as you say getting a court order would be an option, hence my earlier comment about a legal restriction. 

OP.

I'm not advocating doing it but if you do decide to go ahead and change the locks then, unless they are special, it is generally a quite easy DIY job which would reduce the cost. 

Unfortunately his not being on the electoral role will not have any impact on his legal right to enter the property, which as I said earlier, can only really be impacted by some form of legal intervention.

It sounds a horrible situation but this is one where, whilst proper legal advice might end up costing money, it is probably something you need to take. If you work have you checked if your company offers any sort of legal advice line? 

tooldle

Have you got a safety chain on the inside of the door? If not, fit one. An easy and cheap job for you to DIY. Should he turn up he can get his key in the lock and partially open the door, but he cannot sneak in and take you by surprise.