Starting afresh in paradise

ManekiNeko

Have had a lovely weekend with my sister and my little niece visiting us. It's been a bit of a heatwave so we tried a park (thankfully shady with lots of trees) and yesterday the beach, but again shaded by mid-to-late afternoon due to the sun going down behind the headland.

We just did a rough split with money which was nice, I didn't feel the need to divide everything super exactly for once. I'm feeling comfortably well off lately, which is frankly a blessed relief after scraping for ages. Also means I've been much more able to order things from Amazon and get jobs ticked off - as cash has been a hold up on projects for quite a while now. That's all very well if you have lots of time, but I honestly don't; I need to get my home together so I can actually enjoy living in my home without struggling around moving boxes / stuff that doesn't yet have a cupboard to store it in, so it's just sitting on my floor. This is especially necessary as I want to declutter (lots to do here), finish my studies and be ready for a potential pregnancy.

Been focused on personal organisational tools lately as well, and I've now found a great system for my open browser tabs. Super fast tool and intuitive to how I work. Just got to get a few more tools and then I think I'll be onto a winning combo. Need to have this ready for my studies, as it turbocharges the amount of information I need to handle and if the systems aren't there, I get really overwhelmed and it's harder to focus.

Feeling really happy and relaxed today, and enjoying my quiet, productive time 😌 after seeing my niece (it's always chaos with young kids, they need constant interaction). Also if I'm honest, letting my muscles recover as I'm super stiff and achy - my niece certainly has more energy than me! I need to get in training haha. Wishing you all a beautiful Sunday.

Merlin's_Beard

Sounds like the niece is training you up nicely to deal with that 24/7! Quite relieved I'm not the only one living out of boxes after being in for ages - there's  a long term plan but no short term plan!

ManekiNeko

Lol so true! My sister and I joke that she must have the personal trainer gene. Is it also a lack-of-anywhere-to-unpack-the-boxes-into issue for you? Storage can be a pain.

Getting on with trying to add a property name to my address. Little bit paperworky but will be much more poetic once done, and as the name will appear on my deed poll when I change my name, I wanted to get it done first. Really need to hurry up with it too, as I'm going to be applying for some grad jobs/internships (which start in a year's time) as part of my return to studies, and I'd really like to use my new name to avoid confusion (and want to update it so I'd get my degree in my new name, too, though there's plenty of work to be done before that's even a thing). Don't know if I'll be well enough to do the jobs, and I could be too pregnant to be able to as well, but think I'll regret not even trying, you know? Especially as my uni careers support is limited to the two years after graduating, I just want to get started even if I can only manage part-time.

Planning a very quiet weekend as my mental health has been a lot worse this week, had two major triggers and I'd just finished recovering from the first one (Monday) when the second one hit (yesterday). So, basically escape into games is my plan. But I am going to try and apply for the home name today at least, if I can.

Also, in happy money news, while I was ringing my my mortgage lender to ask about the name, I confirmed that my daily interest rate has dropped again since I took out the mortgage to £2.96 a day. Breathing now costs 14p less a day 😝

Wishing you all a productive, easy Friday. 🧘

ManekiNeko

Today I've applied for my new property name and paid the fee. Had to give them a top three in preference order, so there's no guarantees which one I'll get, though I'm obviously hoping for my favourite. 🍀

Website said it can take up to three weeks for them to process it. Life is busy just now, so that'll fly by. I might try to work on developing my new signature tomorrow - kind of a chill job that can't really be rushed - as my next job after the Council have done their work is to change my own name. I've already got quite a few notebook pages filled with ideas, mostly just testing lettering I found online for inspiration. So think I'll check any open browser tabs to get back in that mental space, maybe use a highlighter to pick out the old ones I still like, and then have a play and see what feels natural to write. It's amazing how time consuming it is to design a new signature from scratch; you need one that represents your personal style, looks good, and flows off the pen when you sign. ✍️

Had a nice time on my game today and I'm feeling ok I guess, in the sense of not in immediate crisis, but we're still struggling and a bit delicate (singular pronouns not really working for us lately, our suspected DID has been more noticeable for us so I'm intermittently using "we" for "I", to be clear). I forget what I've said here about that, but basically it can feel like being multiple people in one head, if that makes sense? (Also DID is really nothing like the media stereotypes lol. Feel free to ask me questions if you want to know anything.) I'm going to change my title, and trial they/them pronouns when I change my name, so that should be more affirming for us, even from those who I haven't disclosed / wouldn't disclose my suspected DID to.

Watching the rugby world cup 🏉 tonight so that's chill at least. Just finding it hard to settle to anything, I don't have much focus even for the game. Hopefully I can get an early night at least.

Happy Friday all. 🌟

Merlin's_Beard

Definitely a lack of storage - which is a lack of vision for how I want any room to be (I know how I want rooms to feel and kind of what needs to go in there but no idea where so I have no idea which bits are spare to be storage places if you see what I mean?)

A quiet weekend sounds like a good plan - sometimes you have to give permission to treat yourself as kindly as you'd want to treat anyone else. 

Have you got a planned date to return to studies or is it a "starting to feel like you could organise it" situation? Either way, sounds like good, positive, progress.

Merlin's_Beard

Hope you are doing okay and all is well.

ManekiNeko

Hey Merlin, and everyone,

Gosh - sorry! It's been a whirlwind couple of months and I can't believe it's November already.

It's been a very expensive time to be honest, combination of planned family visits (bit of a reunion of one side of the family, plus then things like booking December Christmas visit train fares) and a family wedding next year, for which I've needed a hotel (£104 for two nights including breakfast, so it's a good deal, it's just all cash outbound). Plus, cracking through the house projects is (probably obviously) my biggest expense right now, with both carpets and blinds/curtains purchases planned in the next week or so.

My savings have been depleted by this - my original plan of just buying one thing, then saving and buying the next thing wasn't working so well as living in this environment is proving to be quite hard on my mental health, and it's a vicious circle as my mental health then worsens my ability to cope/improve my environment. Upshot is, my partner and my family have been coming by to give me significant help with the house. It's stressful on all of us because of the environment, but it's definitely looking a lot better for some focused attention (I work hard when I have company, I just need that moral support really).

Ultimately, it's looking like I'll need to borrow some money from my partner again, this time to cover purchasing a few needed items in the house. My aim is to get the house 'done' by Christmas ... it won't be fully done, but by that I mean done enough that I can put up my Christmas tree and have a relaxing time off, rather than continuing to struggle around my moving boxes. The bathroom is a big project that won't be done by then, and a really expensive one too. I'm ignoring its existence and focusing on the other rooms first.

On the plus side, lots of decluttering done (5 boxes to charity, about 2 boxes listed online for sale), although still more to go on that front. My DS very kindly sold some items for me, because I don't cope well with that, making her positively an angel. To be honest, most of the decluttering is stuff that's been donated to me, but isn't actually much use, or is duplicated. For example, I had two cheese graters donated this time last year, but can't use either of them easily with my RSI. So I've bought a new one, and donated both of them. There was however a bit of clothing that's gone too, mostly from when my stuff was in storage for a few years while I was in the refuge. I donated most of it, but my sister sold my coats and other stuff we thought might be worth a little bit of cash, like my old crampons.

My support worker is helping me apply for grants to help me sort out my home. We've recently had success with £300 towards a living room carpet, and today we wrote an application for money towards a hoover. It won't cover the whole cost, but anything towards the house is better than nothing.

Have semi-updated my sig, with the notable figures being that we've now paid off around a quarter of the debt to my sister, and a nose over 5 per cent of the mortgage. Feeling pretty happy with that. Debt to my partner continues to rise as he's helping me pay back my sister, but at least that's between us so there's less guilt involved.

Got to run as I've a family call in 10 mins, but do hope you're all doing well and having a lovely Money Saving Friday night. Looking forward to fireworks this weekend - we'll be having an evening walk out onto the mountain, and watching them from above. That makes it free to watch, but I had to buy a headtorch, so actually quite expensive! Did need one though (been meaning to get one for ages) and it'll stand me in good stead for many years. Story of my life just now - needed item, not the cheapest. It's mostly a cashflow thing as house items will last me many years, can't see needing to replace things like curtains or cupboards until at least a decade/when I next move house. Bank account still looking a bit dismal but it's not desperate by any means, particularly as I'm lucky enough that my partner is willing to lend me money to help me get my home right. Keep telling myself it'll all build back up again, no worries.

ManekiNeko

Merlin,

Storage ... hmm, trying to think about my process for room design. I suppose I would go and sit in the room with a nice cuppa when you've got a bit of spare time. Then, look at the walls. In my living room there is about half the wall which is indented back, making a natural slight alcove. That effectively divides the room into 'two'. I'm planning to buy a sideboard, and I want it to take up the full width of the alcove, so as to maximise storage. As I want to put my telly on the sideboard, that makes it obvious that the couch must go opposite the sideboard. Since there are two 'halves' to my room, I've put my desk and filing cabinet, plus little folding 'dining' (camping!) table in the other half of it. So, the natural shape of the walls dictated where my large bits of furniture went.

Similarly, in my bedroom I have one indent, which is coincidentally the perfect size to accommodate my bookcase. I don't want to sleep with my feet facing either the window or the door, which means my bed is only natural facing one way. Because of that, I think my wardrobe and chest of drawers can only go by the foot of the bed.

Most of my storage decisions are made by the shape of the walls, but not all. Some are more functional. For instance, do you have enough space in your kitchen? Bathroom? Etc. For example, in my kitchen I'm getting some wall-hanging baskets for fruit, because my counter space is very limited. I'm also planning on pretty wicker baskets on top of my kitchen cupboards for those rarely-used-but-still-necessary items, and those pull-out drawers that mean deep kitchen cupboards can be used more effectively. The placement of the wall-hanging baskets, in my case, isn't controlled by an alcove this time - just by the only clear piece of wall that wouldn't impact (too badly) on me opening either cupboard or fridge/freezer doors.

Does that help? Not sure. It's what I do, anyway. I end up with like a mental 'mood board' (I suppose you could do a physical one or Pinterest style) with different elements of what I visualise the finished room to be like. This could include anything from paint colour, to furniture apperance, to carpets. Generally, my 'vibe' is relaxed country, so think lots of leather and wood (compared with say, chrome, steel and glass for a polished city vibe). I like neutral colours and can't abide visual clutter, so lots of creams, greys, and the odd pop of colour (for instance, turquoise in the bathroom). I also always choose cupboards with doors that close in preference to open shelving, to remove visual clutter. After I've had my mood board in mind for at least a few months without making changes, I feel confident that it'll work ok for me, and start purchasing things accordingly.

Oh, and one last tip - imagine yourself using the room. You walk into the hallway, where do you turn to drop off your coat and shoes? You go into the living room and kick back on the couch - where is it? Do you want a cosy blanket and a TV remote within arms reach? Somehow 'using' the room in your minds eye can really help to see what's natural and flows well.

As to studies ... heh. The working theory was January, but I've just been ignoring it mentally and getting on with the house. We shall see! I'm catching up with uni in a few weeks time just to check in really.

LadyWithAPlan

Great to see your focus and well done for filling those forms in! 

Your ops are v impressive

Merlin's_Beard

I'm glad you've had help and things are progressing with the house! Both with family and with your support worker helping you to fund things. Impressive work with the debt to your sister and the mortgage as well.

Thanks for the ideas re storage, I'll have a think about that.