Starting afresh in paradise

ManekiNeko

@LadyWithAPlan, thanks! Trying to be focused, I'm totally exhausted by about 6pm most days now lol. But it's got to be done. How's your autumn going?

@Merlin's_Beard - cheers, chipping away. Be interested to know how you get on with storage. Hope you're doing ok.

As to a general update - I've ordered carpet now for the living room and bedroom, just waiting for them to email the invoice over and then I can phone them back and pay (it's a tiny business so quite traditional lol). That should be fitted in a couple of weeks hopefully. It's made a big difference in the living room as I could dispose of the old carpet my mum had donated to me, which has freed up a ton of floor space (we never fitted it as weren't sure if we would buy). My partner cut one piece off it which is down in the bathroom for now, as the floor is getting really icy. Hoping it'll take the edge off in there as I'm not planning to redo the bathroom flooring until I do the actual bathroom itself, which won't be for ages.

My local council changed the rules about bin collections recently, which caused me to miss one collection, plus causing a bit of confusion and difficulties with my OCD - it's not easy for me to cope with change when it comes to bins. I think we've now worked out a compromise though. So just been catching up on breaking down cardboard and other boring bits.

Have sent off for new driving licence - when it comes back I can change my name with my local banks quickly, before I'll have to send it off along with my passport application. My other banks will have to wait until that's taken care of, as I don't like not having valid travel docs. You just never know when you'll need to travel on short notice. Anyway, lots of name change type paperwork will be ongoing for months tbh, but it's all fairly critical stuff so can't be shortcutted (that's not a word, I know lol).

Let's see, what else ... my DS is back up next week for another day's decluttering, so after I've caught up on my recycling my next priority will be starting to set aside charity items for when she's up. I'm hoping this will make a big difference in helping clear out my living room nicely, ready for the carpet. It's funny, I thought I didn't have any clutter left really (except paperwork - my nemesis lol), but actually, while my clothes have been in storage I've changed shape, so a lot of them will need to go now - will just have to replace what's still needed. And I've got a few kitchen bits to go too - stuff I was given that's no longer suitable for me, or stuff I've recently replaced like my old toaster. I also recently gave away a small workout bench and a footstool that didn't really fit in my long-term living room layout as well as I'd hoped, even though it was handy for the first year I owned it.

Oh, and my recent grant applications should also be posted soon - my support worker has had printer trouble, but reckons she will definitely post them off this week before her holiday. I'm a bit frustrated as it can take up to a month to hear their decision, so it's delaying my purchase of storage cupboards which I desperately need, but equally the money would be really handy so yeah.

I'm so tired and fried now, it's been a really hectic day. Can't think of anything else, brain not working lol.

Hope you've had a productive, but much less busy than me, start to the week.

Merlin's_Beard

Very excited for your new carpets for you - hopefully they will make the place feel a lot more homey (and definitely make it warmer!)

Sounds like you're doing a much better job of decluttering than I have.

ManekiNeko

Little update to say carpets will be fitted the first week of December, which is frankly an enormous relief. I shall have toasty toes for Christmas! The cost is quite a bit higher than anticipated, partly because my laminate wood floor in the living room will have to be removed first (it was done shoddily to begin with so I'm not against this, it's just extra), but mostly because the floor plan I was given by my estate agent when buying is apparently almost a full metre short of reality in the bedroom.

My utility supplier cancelled on me again to install my new meters, so I've called and complained (again). They had originally text me to say they wouldn't be back until late January, but are now coming early December as they happened to have availability. This will be the third appointment we've made. Supposedly I'll also be getting £30 compensation as the second appointment, earlier this week, was cancelled with (just) less than 24 hours notice. If they don't sort it this time, I'm going to the Ombudsman.

My support worker told me yesterday that she was going to post off my grant applications that same day. Some can take up to a month to hear back, so I'm not holding my breath on getting cupboards in time for Christmas. Oh well. Worth it for the chance to get a little help towards the cost.

Did get lots of recycling done, but the Council haven't managed to collect my bins this week - joy. I've called and supposedly they'll come out soon. Can't wait as I've got a lot more sat in my hallway waiting to go out!

Otherwise, just trying to have a tidy up and clear the decks this week, as well as finally getting down to some necessary purchases online. Hope you're all having a productive one.

Merlin - decluttering is hard, it's best with support from someone else. I've enjoyed a lot of reading on minimalism over the years, as well as using that to develop my own list of decluttering questions (which I find much more useful than the stock generic ones you usually see online). Can share recs/questions/etc if helpful.

ManekiNeko

Hello lovely MSErs,

Well - it's December! A shiny new month. I have some news I've been waiting to tell - I'm pregnant! ✨ I've now had my scan so I can finally talk about it.

In terms of the house, the news has meant my partner and I have spent the last couple of months working really hard on my home. I've been really stressed out, to be honest, and it's been hard to cope with my mental health. I've been permanently on my last nerve and getting quite frustrated/snappy with others, including my poor partner. I feel pretty terrible about it and I'm trying to fix my behaviour. I would appreciate any tips on stress and/or anger that anyone has. It doesn't matter how basic you might think they are, I'm a beginner at emotions as I was never taught how to cope with them when growing up.

In terms of money, my pregnancy has meant that I urgently needed/still need to buy a lot of stuff for my home. Basically because of my safety during pregnancy, and also to make sure my home is ready for baby when they arrive. I've basically done nothing else except for house stuff this autumn to make sure the essentials were done by Christmas (except a few things I'm buying in the January sales, so pretty soon after). This is because at some stage my bump will get too big for me to do things like putting cupboards together, and I'll no longer be able to see the floor where I'm walking (so it'll have to be perfectly clear of items), and I might not even have the mobility to do certain tasks without help. Honestly this makes me feel quite vulnerable (because of my exes' domestic abuse of me), even though my partner is really lovely and has always shown me that I'm safe with him. Anyway, the outcome in terms of money is that instead of gradually saving up, I've actually borrowed money from my partner so that we can finish my home fast enough, and I'll need to borrow more as well, both for furniture and because we've got baby stuff to get yet. It's all a bit notional once you have a kid together, but I've said I'll either pay him back cash or with equity when I sell my home (as we hope to buy our next place together), whatever he wants. He's in no rush though and tbh was offering to give me some of the money, I just felt it wasn't right. I'm not used to 'family money' yet lol.

Normally I'd have put my Christmas tree up yesterday, but my carpets are coming next week so it'll be mid-month before it can go up. Never mind, it'll be worth it to be nice and cosy and be able to sit on the living room floor when I feel like it. Probably be great for about three weeks until my bump gets big and I can't anymore 😝 lol. But it'll make caring for little one so much easier being able to get down on the floor, and it'll be a lot warmer as the floor gets so icy in the winter without carpet. Plus, I can finally order some better storage cupboards in the January sales once I've got the carpet in, meaning I can finally finish my unpacking. (Couldn't do it before because there'd be insufficient space to fit the carpet if I added more furniture.)

After the carpets are in, I've then got two weeks which are looking fairly chilled before the Christmas break. I intend to spend them catching up on laundry, decluttering, and generally pottering about in the house. It's a nice feeling that after all this hard work, it's starting to be more chilled. I've got a few appointments and things to get to as well. Oh, and I'll have to sort out some quick Christmas pressies too. Probably food and drink as it's easy to organise.

Money-wise, I've agreed with my DS that I'll drop back to my standard monthly payment for a while, as I've got so many expenses right now. So that'll be an extra £65 (£75 from either Jan or Feb) a month that'll help to ease my finances in the sense of going into less debt to my partner to finish up my home and get ready for baby.

My mortgage has also dropped into the 64's, which is really nice to see. I love it when the numbers change lol. I've still OP'd some bits like my savings interest (not that it's much as my savings have basically gone on the house now), but other things like utility company compensation is going towards furniture instead of the mortgage. Oh yeah, I have to do an Ofgem complaint as they're being so useless. 🙄 Bet that's a real shocker /s.

Overall, the months until baby arrives are going to be expensive, and I know my debt will rise. At least home will be.. not perfect, but done in the sense of good enough for now. And I'm grateful that my debt is non-commercial, so isn't interest-bearing. After baby arrives, I'm expecting to spend very little for a long time lol. It's not like we'll be going out much. Ofc, baby will need some stuff, but a lot can be got second-hand and we're lucky enough to be able to borrow some stuff from family as well. In the longer run, nothing really changes - the mortgage still needs OP'ing as best as possible, as we'd very much like to have a family place one day where they can have their own bedroom and a garden to play in. If I can't get back to work, I'll need to pretty much repay my entire mortgage to borrow enough to swing this, but if I do manage to return it'll be a lot easier.

Speaking of returning - my morning sickness has improved considerably, and once the house is basically done (e.g. uni books and notes etc finally unpacked) I'll have a few months to be able to work on my studies again. So, after a good break at Christmas, I'm planning to start chipping away again in January. I imagine I'll get a couple of essays done before baby arrives, and they've said given my circumstances over the past few years they can give me up to two years now to finish my degree. As long as we can sort some decent local childcare (whether that's my partner and/or a nursery), that should be doable. I'm quite looking forward to it tbh, I miss the intellectual challenge. 🤓📚 Though must say I also feel a tad rusty and I think maybe I've lost my confidence a bit. Just feel a bit overwhelmed I suppose. But then I'm sure I'll feel better after a break and they are giving me some study skills support. Oh, that reminds me - I've had the first part of my autism assessment, but they've just said that they'd like me to come back on another occasion to be really certain. So it'll be another few weeks or maybe the new year now before I know for sure.

Gosh, feel I've written a short novel lol, it's been super busy so there's lots of news and bits to catch up on. Have to drag myself off to get on with jobs now. Not really in the mood but maybe I'll make a cuppa first and that'll help. Hope you all are doing well and moving towards your goals. 🍀💪

Merlin's_Beard

Congratulations! Regarding OH's contributions - he's contributing towards his own kid, so if you're struggling to accept for you, remember that.

All sounds very positive in terms of going back to study, though, and in terms of getting the house sorted.

ManekiNeko

Thanks Merlin! Yes, I'm sure you're right - and that's exactly what he says 😂 I'll try and work on my perspective.

Yep, and best of all - we're officially finished with the things I'd wanted to get done before Christmas. 😌 Although last week was ridiculously busy with moving things around for the carpet fitters, the carpets are now down, which is such a relief, and it makes home much more cosy. We got my Christmas tree up on Friday, and I've been away visiting family this weekend so it was really nice to come home to.

We've swapped the bedroom and the living room over, to give a bit more room for baby stuff, so I'm just trying to get used to that. It means most of my furniture ideas now need to be re-thought out, but fortunately the next couple of weeks are pretty chill and involve much pottering about at home. So, I just need to reach some conclusions by Christmas time, so I can make best use of the January sales. We'll also be buying the big ticket baby stuff in the sales.

Hope you are all having a lovely Monday. 🌻

newgirly

Congratulations on the baby, lots to look forward to in the future 🙂 I would seriously consider second hand for some of the more expensive items, things like cots and prams if in great condition can be fine with brand new mattresses, as well as high chairs, toys, clothes etc. I know many want new, but if I was starting again now, that’s what I’d be doing 😊 

ManekiNeko

Thanks newgirly, that's a great point - I'll add that to my list for Christmas time, and see what's out there. ☺️

ManekiNeko

I've finally had my gas smart meter installed and got an in-home display. This is a blessed relief, chiefly as it means I don't have to go to a shop every time I need more credit, but also because I don't have to go outside just to check my balance. Also, the installer rounded up my credit when swapping out my meter, so I got about £2 free. Normally I'd OP it but lately everything's just been being rolled up into my bank balance, because it's feeling a bit sorry for itself lol. Once the house is finished I'll be able to go back to saving and repaying my debt, rather than increasing it.

My DS popped up the other day to help with more decluttering. We actually did a lot more unpacking than anything, which shocked me as I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed by that task, especially as these last boxes were a weird mix of items, and thinking there was nowhere for it all to go. We definitely found spaces though. My DP was baffled as to where we'd put it all when he came over lol. We dropped from 9 boxes to 4 remaining in one day, as well as filling up a big charity box. I've also now worked out where to store my two boxes of sentimental childhood stuff (bottom drawers of my bed), which leaves me with one box of techy stuff like random wires, plugs and so on, and another filled with ornaments and object d'art that are largely sentimental and tbh I've no idea what to do with them yet, as I barely have any window ledges in the apartment. Will have to unpack them and see what's there.

My partner and I spent yesterday re-arranging the living room in my apartment again, but it's significantly improved things and made the room feel much more liveable. There's a pile of detritus that is a mixture of Amazon returns, wrapping paper and other such things that I still need to find a new home for, as they're currently piled on my couch because I was too tired to sort it out last night (it was by and on the pile of moving boxes, but since I no longer have a pile of boxes I've had to think again 😂).

At this stage, I mostly have organised piles like "tools" and "camping stuff." The need for cupboards is very clear, but also, it's just much less stressful for me to see that actually, while the floor space is a bit 'busy' right now, it's organised and there's no clutter hiding out hidden in a box somewhere.

I think my next job is probably to sort out my Amazon returns, but that may have to wait until after Christmas now.. I've already missed the window, so it's whether they'll be willing to extend it because I've been ill, or not.

I've also decided to give all my family Amazon vouchers this year, since I never ended up making them presents last year due both to being really busy, and also to being brassic as anything. I feel behind with gifts and it's not nice, so I'm just going to give them what I'd budgeted for last year's and this year's gifts and then start 2024 as a clean slate. For some people that'll be a decent sized gift as I've missed a few birthdays and other occasions as well. I'm going to try and buy a proper gift to unwrap for my niece and nephew, as well as for my mum as she's coming to stay over new year's.

Overall, even though it's been an expensive year, I don't begrudge the money. I've discovered I'm not really the person to attempt furnishing my home on the cheap. All that happens is that I'm never fully comfortable with the item, and I end up getting rid of it later and replacing it. The truth is, I need my home to be beautiful and functional so that I can truly recharge myself and function properly (yes, wrong furniture does affect my thinking quality and ability to do daily tasks). It might be because of an autistic trait I have (still not sure on diagnosis, they should finish my assessment in a few weeks). I'm consoling myself with the fact that I'd only buy furniture once every 10-15 years maybe (basically when I move house or it breaks), and while furniture is expensive, my daily lifestyle is inherently frugal. I think that makes things balance overall.

I'm hoping you all have somewhere warm and happy to be this Christmas. I remember how excluded from society I felt while I was living in the refuge, so I just want to say that if you're on your own this year, or have difficult family relationships, my thoughts are with you. I hope you can find your own way to enjoy the day, whether that's a movie and chocolate, or a walk to admire all the Christmas lights. I wish you a peaceful Christmas. ❄️🎄🎁🥂🧑‍🎄🦌🛷🕯️🔔☃️

ManekiNeko

Just a little update to say I phoned my bank the other day, and my daily interest has dropped to £2.90 (plus a half pence) per day, which is rather nice.

I've also been applying for a few grants to help with the costs of furniture and baby items.

My university decided at the last minute they couldn't help me out with a loan copy of voice typing software, so I've now got to apply for a grant for that as well. This is delaying my studies, which is frustrating.

Bought some baby books the other day, including a name book. Looking forward to having a read with a cuppa, if I ever get a free minute to myself.

Bought some needed house stuff and we're cracking on with DIY jobs. Thankfully, these are getting smaller and easier in the main.

Don't have much else to add - it's been real busy, and continues to be. Days are productive, but fly by, and I'm tired out.