Separation & house sale questions

SecondStar

I’m only fact-finding right now, and my head is all over the place. Please be kind.

I’m not sure if my relationship with my boyfriend is tenable anymore.

We bought our first house together in November 2020 (joint tenants). Between the deposit & purchase fees, we each paid 50/50 of the buying costs, which were about £10k each - 15% deposit on 115k, and solicitors/survey fees.

All of our savings are joint monies - we both earn similar (low) amounts, and pay into 1 joint account for bills, and joint savings accounts. Split 50/50, we have around 4k each. Not enough to buy the other out of the house.

If we were to split up, it would be my decision. I don’t have any family to go and live with. I could stay with a friend, but couldn’t take my pets, and so would have to keep coming back to the house twice a day to care for them. He could move home to his parents, but he wouldn’t want to, and would likely refuse given that it would be my decision to break up. I couldn’t afford to pay rent somewhere by myself, and also contribute to the mortgage & bills on the house.

The house would need to be sold to pay off the mortgage (97k left, plus early repayment charge, likely).

He would never take on responsibility of phone calls or appointments with solicitors or EAs, so it would be up to me to manage the sale.

I suppose my questions are-
1. In a household separation situation, do both parties usually stay in the house till it’s sold, and then move on on completion & exchange?
2. Rentals in my budget are very scarce. If I moved out, could I insist that he takes 100% of the costs of mortgage & bills so the time between me moving out, and the house selling, and he could take back the difference? Can this be legally enforced in any way?
3. I’m sure there are many ways that a disagreeable ex can hold up a house sale, especially if they’re left as the sole occupant. Can you lay them out for me, so I hear all the ugly bits?
4. Has anyone ever navigated a similar situation? I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who has wanted to separate and sell an owned property, but I’m feeling incredibly lonely right now.

Any other comments or suggestions greatly appreciated, thank you.

Titus_Wadd

You're doing the  right  thing  gathering advice and best of luck, someone will be along with useful info soon.
Would you think sharing the house separately could work, at least in the short term? Or out of the question?

SecondStar

Titus_Wadd said:

You're doing the  right  thing  gathering advice and best of luck, someone will be along with useful info soon.
Would you think sharing the house separately could work, at least in the short term? Or out of the question?

Thank you.

Honestly, I don’t think I could be sleeping under the same roof as him. Best case, short term, scenario would be that I move to sleep and stay at my friend’s house, and then just come back and forth twice a day to make sure the pets are taken care of (dog and rabbit are mine, both cats belong to us jointly). Friend lives a 10 minute drive away.

Ideally, I would like to be in my own rented space, with my pets with me, as quickly as possible; but as I said, I can’t afford 1.5 sets of bills.

SecondStar

Bumping this in the hope that someone has advice for me?

diystarter7

OP
Sorry about that and sadly it happens only too often and not just in relatively new couples.

What happened to someone else may or may not happen to you

Your ex could blame you for holding up the sale ie wanting an unrealistic price. His circumstances could change and he wants to stay or move even quicker.

living together and trying to sell etc, the couple of people I've known to do that, it never works especially if one halfs friends/parents blame you and winding up your ex

He could say you moved out on your own according why should he pay all of the bills, imo he'd have a point as you are both on low wages as you said.

its a mine field.

There are no easy answers.

Sit down on a non-working day just before mid-day and discuss - think about what you are going to say, listen, digest etc

IMO, if you two could stay together until sold, best bet - you can sell via auction and depending on the property, some do get a better or similar price if sold via EA usal route but your choice.

No offence he could move out and you could easily hold up the sale as you have pets and imgaine if you lost your job - just showing you it can work both ways.

good luck.

movilogo

1. Depends on whether anyone of you have any alternate places to stay. If no, then unfortunately staying in same house is only viable option. Not a nice situation but can't avoid it. 

2. You can insist but not force. Best to keep an amicable situation. Any legal work should be done after speaking with solicitor/lawyer. 

3. This is difficult question. If one wants to play unfair can do. Aim for a mutually beneficial settlement. 

4. Every couple is different - so very difficult to provide any advice here. We can only provide factual statements here - emotion support on internet always a big ask.

Hopefully things will work out for you.

Bottom line is that fighting/arguing won't get you much. You need to find a route which works for both parties. Typically both parties want to move on with life after this type of event. 

dimbo61

Moving out is not a good idea.
He could demand you pay half the mortgage and bills or stop paying any bills and ruin your and his credit score !
You could ask him to pay rent on your half !

boxer234

Sorry you are in this position.  I was in the same position 3 years ago.  We owned the house jointly.  Only you know your boyfriend does he know this is on the cards ? How is he likely to react ? Any history of violence? 

I had always paid the mortgage and most of the bills however I was so desperate to get out I was prepared to move into rental and pay both if I had to.  However when I told him he moved to his families and  I stayed in the house.  

I had to deal with everything to do with the sale as apparently he was to stressed.  After some months it became clear I still needed to leave as he would pitch up whenever he felt like it and I didn’t feel safe. (For lots of reasons)   I also had pets and took them with me. 

I then had about six months of paying rent and mortgage whilst he gave me the odd bit of money here and there.  (He was a gem)

I was skint running up debt and it was the most stressful time of my life.  

If your BF won’t sell you can go to court and force the sale but it expensive and long.  TBH I was so desperate to get out if he hadn’t agreed I was prepared to walk away and let the bank repossess. 

Yesterday I moved into my own house.  You can do this but it will be difficult.  Try and stay civil. Good luck. 

diystarter7

dimbo61 said:

Moving out is not a good idea.
He could demand you pay half the mortgage and bills or stop paying any bills and ruin your and his credit score !
You could ask him to pay rent on your half !

Works both ways and everyone is different.
BF's circumstances could change as well as that of the OP.
Never say never is my motto.
We can all share our ideas/experiences/stories but the bottom line
every situation is different.
No offence to the OP
I wish you both luck and pray the journey is  smooth, stress free as it can ever be.

Section62

diystarter7 said:

living together and trying to sell etc, the couple of people I've known to do that, it never works especially if one halfs friends/parents blame you and winding up your ex

diystarter7 said:

Never say never is my motto.

Which is it then?

OP, pay attention to what dimbo61 says.  One of the key things you need to do is to protect your financial position - you'll need that to be able to rehouse yourself.

Once you've moved out you have lost control of the situation with the house - the Ex can do what they like with the house (within reason), yet you will remain liable for bills and debts.  Even small details like getting your post (especially that relating to the property) can become difficult.  Managing the sale of the property will also be much harder if you don't live there any more.

That's not to say it is easy living in the same house as an Ex, but you need to base your ultimate decisions on good advice, and on this forum you won't always get it.

One thing you should do (if you haven't already) is to set up a property alert on the Land Registry's website.  There's no indication so far that your BF will do anything behind your back, but once the wheels come off a relationship then all bets are off.  It doesn't cost anything, he doesn't need to know, and it will give you a degree of protection against some of the bad stuff that can happen with joint property ownership.

https://propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk/

SavingPennies_2

Yes like many people, I have been in a similar position. Thankfully we both recognised that keeping it amicable (as hard as that might be) and working towards the same goal of selling the house as soon as possible and for as much as possible, is actually the best outcome for everyone in the long run, good luck.