If people don't ask you are you OK should you just take it that you are.

RogerBareford

Retireby40 said:

People say you are OK. If you don't complain you are OK. If you smile you are OK. Nobody cares about other people anymore. The whole world revoles around them. What they are doing. Its pretty sad like but I guess it is what it is.

Retireby40 said:

comeandgo said:

I don’t run but try and do a lot of hillwalking but on bad bouts all I want to do is hide in the cupboard under the stairs. 

I definitely is hard putting up the front to benefit the world. My point is that a million people pass you by but never stop to consider your position (my position is distinctly different and more difficult to your norm( but this happens it people's home countries and lives too.

What has caused you to come on here any make these posts?

I find that a lot of people genuinely do care about others and many people have their own support networks of friends and family that they can talk to or not talk to (whatever works best for them) to get support if they don't feel ok.

Yes many people you don't know pass you by without considering your position, but do you honestly consider the position of every single person who passes you by and check that they are ok? People have complicated lives with their own issues to consider and people they are close too that need their support. No one has the mental or physical capacity to consider and support everyone they see in their day to day lives. So i wouldn't say it means these people think "the whole world revolves around them".

Cinders:

Hi Retireby40, how are you feeling?

MEM62

Retireby40 said:

We live in a world that so concerned about themselves. However a million people or more are battling depression.

Very likely to be a higher figure than that.  

Are the people surrounding those with depressing ignorant?

No, they are not. 

Are they unconcerned?

The majority would be concerned.  

Do they just care about themselves?

No

No sure where you are going with this. Not everyone can recognise depression and your average person is not trained to offer support so what are your expectations here?  Because it is not seen by others does not mean that they are ignorant or uncaring.  There are some very good sources of support out there if people wish to seek help.  

calleyw

I don't get the point of this post.  Most people don't like to be a burden to others with their issues.  If someone asked me if I was ok I would say yes.  Not the truth most of the time.  But I am not going to confess to someone I don't know that well how I am doing.

The only time I would ask "are you ok?" If saw someone in visible distress crying, shaking, covered in blood etc

Newly_retired

Sometimes we know someone is depressed or suffering from mental health problems but they do not want to talk about it. Or maybe not leave the house to attend whatever groups you normally see them at. So it is impossible to contact them. People do care, but can't always find a way of helping.

pickledonionspaceraider

Talking of social / work colleague type situations - I think 99% of the time, people only ask if someone is OK, in passing and out of habit,  and they do not actually expect anything else other than the stock response 'Yes fine, how are you?'

Also  partly, other people don't want to be brought down by others negative energy - self preservation plus it can make them uncomfortable - so they may give you a swerve. 

Literally no one wants to be friends with a negative nelly - it doesn't matter how many 'mental health awareness week' posts they have shared on Facebook, unless someone has actually dealt with ill mental health themselves, they can't quite grasp the situation.

If someone asks if I am OK, I could be honest and let them know I was planning my end last night, or the last time I self harmed - and what they gonna do - shuffle away awkwardly - or give me a platitude - or leave the exchange feeling awful themselves? 

Best to say 'yeah I am fine' if asked - in these types of situations.  I don't blame other people, everyone has some level of struggle going on.  They do, no one person has a perfect life

I have people I can talk to if needed (just in case anyone is wondering) 

tealady

Speaking personally I don't have a problem with helping people practically but can't easily cope with helping mentally.
That's just who I am.
So if I don't ask how people are it doesn't mean I don't care it just means I wouldnt know how to cope.

pinkshoes

Sometime caring isn't enough when people aren't willing to help themselves.

I used to be friends with someone who suffered from depression. I encouraged them daily to not put themselves in a position where they would start over-thinking things. e.g. every time they took a bath the negative thoughts would flow etc... or just sitting down doing "nothing" the paranoia would start. Instead I encouraged them to do 10k steps a day, and to go for a walk when they felt low or anxious. 

In the end I gave up, as despite hours of chatting, constantly trying to help them, they just didn't help themselves, then had the audacity to accuse me of not caring! 

I walked away in the end as it was affecting my own MH. It is utterly draining trying to help someone who won't help themselves. 

They had accused many other people in the past of just "abandoning them", me included now added to that list, but I didn't abandon them. They pushed and pushed until I couldn't take any more. 

Ergates

Retireby40 said:

We live in a world that so concerned about themselves. However a million people or more are battling depression.

Are the people surrounding those with depressing ignorant?

Are they unconcerned?

Do they just care about themselves?

Retireby40 said:

People say you are OK. If you don't complain you are OK. If you smile you are OK. Nobody cares about other people anymore. The whole world revoles around them. What they are doing. Its pretty sad like but I guess it is what it is.

I dispute your central premise - that people in the world don't care about others.  Most people do care about others.  They care more about people they know than they do about strangers, but they still care about strangers too.  You only have to look at the world to see this in action.

For instance, you're posting on a forum in which people take time out of their lives to help strangers with problems.  That hardly sounds like people not caring?

Or look at all the organisations that are run by volunteers that help others.  
Or look at all the people who offered rooms in their homes to refugees from Ukraine just recently.
etc.

Retireby40 said:

I definitely is hard putting up the front to benefit the world. My point is that a million people pass you by but never stop to consider your position (my position is distinctly different and more difficult to your norm( but this happens it people's home countries and lives too.

As other have said - what do you expect?  Do *you* stop and interrogate everyone you pass?  Would you actually want strangers to stop you in the street and start asking you questions?  Wouldn't that be a bit strange and intrusive?  

Retireby40 said:

comeandgo said:

Well, when I am in depressive mode  I would never answer any different than “ I’m fine thanks” and change the subject .  The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it, I had no reason to be depressed so why should I try and analyse it with anyone.  They say depressed people are brilliant liars and I know that is true.   How many people say they had no idea when one of their family, friend or acquaintances commit suicide.

Have you found exercise or running helps you? 

I just see people going like " what the !!!!!! have you to be depressed about". I think part is because we are good liars. But there has to be some cracks.

The "What do you have to be depressed about" response is, unfortunately, common - though becoming less so as mental health awareness increases.  It happens because people don't understand what depression is - they think it's just being sad, whereas it's a mental state caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.

Also, if someone asks how you are and you say "I'm fine thanks" (or similar), and people accept that - it doesn't mean that they believe you, or that they don't care, it means that they've taken your "I'm find thanks" as a signal you don't want to discuss it and they're respecting your privacy.  


It sounds like you've had some disappointing interactions with people recently, and I understand how this can make you feel angry or bitter, but that doesn't make it right to project those feelings onto the whole population.

gettingtheresometime

Not sure I'd agree with the OP's sentiments.

I'm not struggling to come to terms with my husband's death in October but there's been certain situations where I've been visibly upset.

The reactions of people (& I'm talking strangers here)  have ranged from blanking the blindingly obvious to asking me if I'm ok & asking me just to sit with them.