If people don't ask you are you OK should you just take it that you are.

Retireby40

We live in a world that so concerned about themselves. However a million people or more are battling depression.

Are the people surrounding those with depressing ignorant?

Are they unconcerned?

Do they just care about themselves?

Retireby40

People say you are OK. If you don't complain you are OK. If you smile you are OK. Nobody cares about other people anymore. The whole world revoles around them. What they are doing. Its pretty sad like but I guess it is what it is.

london21

Difficult can be easier for some and others are high functioning.

Better to ask for help when needed and communicate. 

comeandgo

Well, when I am in depressive mode  I would never answer any different than “ I’m fine thanks” and change the subject .  The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it, I had no reason to be depressed so why should I try and analyse it with anyone.  They say depressed people are brilliant liars and I know that is true.   How many people say they had no idea when one of their family, friend or acquaintances commit suicide.

Retireby40

comeandgo said:

Well, when I am in depressive mode  I would never answer any different than “ I’m fine thanks” and change the subject .  The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it, I had no reason to be depressed so why should I try and analyse it with anyone.  They say depressed people are brilliant liars and I know that is true.   How many people say they had no idea when one of their family, friend or acquaintances commit suicide.

Have you found exercise or running helps you? 

I just see people going like " what the !!!!!! have you to be depressed about". I think part is because we are good liars. But there has to be some cracks.

comeandgo

I don’t run but try and do a lot of hillwalking but on bad bouts all I want to do is hide in the cupboard under the stairs. 

Retireby40

comeandgo said:

I don’t run but try and do a lot of hillwalking but on bad bouts all I want to do is hide in the cupboard under the stairs. 

I definitely is hard putting up the front to benefit the world. My point is that a million people pass you by but never stop to consider your position (my position is distinctly different and more difficult to your norm( but this happens it people's home countries and lives too.

MovingForwards

Mine is physical, rather than mental, health issues. 

One day I slowly walked into a packed room, said hello and found a seat. The person heading the event asked how I was and I replied ok, how about you? I was in agony having to stand for nearly 3 hours to get there, but wasn't about to start complaining they didn't reserve me a seat, that I struggled to get to the office and make it to the room, in front of everyone. Apparently I should have, when they were told. No, it's private and I'm not about to announce my health to strangers.

Even now, years later, I've had roles where I'm expected to say on an almost hourly basis, how much pain I'm in, or go home 'sick' if I flinch in front of someone when moving a fraction to get a little more comfortable at my desk.

Recently, I did the pleasantries with family. How are you? I'm good how about you? We both burst out laughing and we agreed we're hardly likely to start listing everything off as it won't change anything. We both know by the others face or movement when it's a bad day.

If I want to talk, I will, but I won't be forced into it when I don't want to.

Of course I miss my previous activities, heck sometimes I cry about what I used to be able to do, but at the same time I've adapted and created a new life and evolve with each new condition.

My OH, who suffers badly with MH. I look out for signs of worse days, weeks and months. He does take himself off for long walks, goes outside and does physical work in the garden, plays PC games etc. All I can do is wait, respecting his wishes to carry on as normal, but without hugging, kissing, holding hands or trying to talk about it, as we agreed.

elsien

Retireby40 said:

We live in a world that so concerned about themselves. However a million people or more are battling depression.

Are the people surrounding those with depressing ignorant?

Are they unconcerned?

Do they just care about themselves?

Answer 4) None of the above. People hide it well at times. Or don’t realise themselves how much they are struggling. If they can’t see it, how do you expect other people to? 

MalMonroe

Retireby40 said:

We live in a world that so concerned about themselves. However a million people or more are battling depression.

Are the people surrounding those with depressing ignorant?

Are they unconcerned?

Do they just care about themselves?

I would argue that there are FAR more than a million or more people suffering from depression around the world. 

See this article in the Lancet - 

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)02143-7/fulltext#:~:text=Altogether, major depressive disorder caused,5) DALYs globally in 2020.

The problem is that those who have never suffered from clinical depression do not understand how it affects some people. I used to be someone who did not understand depression. Then I had a bout of clinical depression myself. And that was when I realised that people who haven't suffered depression just don't understand. I saw my GP who referred me for counselling and prescribed antidepressants, which I took for a number of years until I felt that I would be able to manage without them. So I gradually, following advice from my GP, began to withdraw. I don't take any now but still do suffer from depression now and again. I know it's something that can return at any time.

So yes, I'd say that people surrounding those with depression are ignorant but it's not a deliberate thing, it's just that they've never experienced it first hand. Even if a relative suffers from depression, unless someone has suffered themselves, it's very difficult to understand. It's not that they are unconcerned, it's just that they don't know. It's also impossible to explain. And very few sufferers even want to try.

Maybe some people do just care about themselves but isn't that human nature? Self-preservation is humans' number one instinct so it's not really strange to think that people only care about themselves because they do. Very few people are true altruists. 

Most people, myself included, will answer something along the lines of 'fine thanks' when asked how they are because the people asking how we are just do not want to know if we're not okay. If someone asked me and I told them how I really felt if I wasn't feeling fine, they wouldn't ask me again. People WANT to think we're all fine. So we say we are. Even when we're not. And often when we're not we don't want to explain why we're not. It is easier to pretend but we are all only human, not superhuman. Most of us do our best and that's all we can do, really.

sammyjammy

My depression has no particular cause, I just am overwhelmed with life sometimes, I've taken anti depressants of various types for over 15 years and have tried many times to come off them over long periods of time.  Its never worked and I have since told myself if I need them to keep me sane then so be it, I refuse to be ashamed.  Keeping busy helps me, over thinking is the worst, I can't talk to people about it generally and I don't want to upset my family with it.  I don't want to kill myself but I often wish I were dead, so there was no longer any pain, life is hard ( especially when you know in reality your life is "easier" than most in the world.)

If people ask me how I am when i feel bad I say fine, if they ask me again I will usually say well not fine but I'm ok, thanks.

I think many people struggle in these modern days, there are so many pressures that there never used to be and our minds are struggling to keep up.

Sorry got a bit deep there!