Where do I even begin?

triage999

Thank you everyone, for some reason it’s not allowing me to quote and reply individually.

I have spoken with his GP, sorted medication delivery, key safe and given all professionals the code. 

He is entitled to AA, he’s been entitled since his initial stroke in 2020, something else not looked at for him so I’ll be sorting that tomorrow. 

They both have good pensions, both on the deeds, he’s retired (he paid off the mortgage) she is still working. 

They have one joint account, and an individual account each. 

I have already had the conversation of him moving near me, I can then take o et all his needs and save his money.  I’m more than happy to do that and to me it comes as second nature, he’s my dad and I love him unconditionally.

I will speak with him tomorrow re his will, beneficiaries etc which I’ve already briefly spoken about with him so it’s expected.  

When I spoke with his wife briefly she said she is happy to sell, she says they can’t live together but hasn’t mentioned divorce.  This is the frustrating thing.  He cannot be left in limbo like this and he’s clearly been subject to wilful neglect. 

OutdoorQueen

One of your posts mentions that your Dad was in the services.  Have you considered contacting Veterans Gateway (veteransgateway.org.uk) to see what other help may be available?  You will need your Dad’s service number. As there are now so many veterans organisations, they  will be able to direct you to the most suitable veterans organisation.

ManekiNeko

I'm really sad to hear about your Dad, it's not right he's not been getting the help and support he deserves, and even more so that his wife does not appear to be caring for him as a committed partner would. Thank you both for your service to this country.

You've already had solid advice, so just a few extras that spring to mind:

1. Definitely check who is named in his Will and as a beneficiary on his life insurance policy. Make sure he's still happy with the named person/people

2. If a divorce is on the cards, get legal advice early. If you suspect his wife is taking advantage of him financially, see whether he is amenable to closing the joint account. At the very minimum, he shouldn't be putting money in for a mortgage that doesn't exist. Definitely do not sell the house before seeking legal advice, IMHO, as this will be treated as a marital asset

3. Look at PIP, he will probably be eligible for this. If you talk with CAB they can help with filling out the application forms, but if your Dad gets a social worker or similar I believe they can help too. It's a mission to get (I'm on it), but well worth doing. It will also have a 'passporting' effect to other benefits for your Dad, which if he struggles with mobility includes things like a bus pass if he doesn't already have one, a Blue Badge.

4. Looking beyond daily care stuff, does your Dad actually have medication / a treatment plan in place for his symptoms following the stroke? If you aren't happy with his medical care, you can talk to the Practice Manager at his GP practice, or jumping up in the hierarchy, the complaints team at your local Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) in England, or Health Board in Wales.

Let us know how things go? 

Spoonie_Turtle

ManekiNeko said:

3. Look at PIP, he will probably be eligible for this. If you talk with CAB they can help with filling out the application forms, but if your Dad gets a social worker or similar I believe they can help too. It's a mission to get (I'm on it), but well worth doing. It will also have a 'passporting' effect to other benefits for your Dad, which if he struggles with mobility includes things like a bus pass if he doesn't already have one, a Blue Badge.

Interesting point.  OP you've mentioned AA but that's for people of state pension age.  You say your father is 65, so if you can start a PIP claim before he turns pension age he'll be eligible to be assessed for PIP which includes a mobility component, whereas AA doesn't.

Edit: to clarify, PIP and AA cannot be claimed simultaneously.  AA cannot be claimed before state pension age.

ManekiNeko

Thanks Spoonie, I hadn't remembered the age limit on PIP. Good to know about.

ManekiNeko

Actually, thinking about it, you can also apply direct - usually through the Council - for a bus pass and Blue Badge. But if your Dad gets PIP, he shouldn't need to give separate evidence to the Council, whereas if he applies directly (without PIP) he'll need to provide more evidence and possibly have an assessment. Assessments tend to be very stressful, so minimising the number of these is important.

Obviously though, that would mean waiting for the PIP assessment to take place. Might be worth your while ringing the Council though, perhaps they'd take AA as equivalent in making the decision? 🤔

One other thought, if your Dad isn't well enough to attend a PIP assessment, or if it could put him at risk to do so, is that you can ask for something called a paper-based assessment. It's rare to get one, but it means that his claim would be decided on the merits of what his application form, plus any supporting letters from medical professionals (and indeed friends / family).

Danien

If it were me:

Get the power of attorney (very important)

Get a decent care assessment by a professional to see what care he needs throughout the day. If he's not eating properly then the care arranged for him probably isn't sufficient.

Rent a suitable place near me for him until house is sold, or make adaptations to my own home to enable him to live with me. Be honest with yourself about the level of care you're able to provide, you may want him with you, but it may not be feasible.

Depending on results of care assessment find an appropriate place for him to live near me - probably sheltered housing, but there are also places where you have your own flat and there is on site care 24hrs a day

Have a frank conversation with the wife about their relationship and finances - your Dad is possibly unable to do this if he has cognitive issues. She also bears partial responsibility for his deteriorating health, but I would avoid mentioning this until everything else was sorted and finalised. She must have seen his deteriorating state and even is she doesn’t care about him, the least she could have done is contact you to explain the situation. She is at the least guilty of neglect of someone in need of care.