What do you pay for on your kid's behalf, and what should they pay for themselves?

Brie

My mom pays for all travel to go home to visit her.  Given that a couple of us live thousands of miles away it can be a bit.  Then again - none of us are teens any more but she's got the money to spend so why not!

rach_k

We pay for what the kids need and what we want them to have.  They have a small amount of pocket money (and birthday money etc) for things we don't particularly want them to have but aren't going to forbid (e.g. extra sweets, rubbish magazines etc) and they also use that for a bit of independence with things like buying gifts and so they don't always have to ask before they buy things.

I feel like I'm in the minority but I feel really sad for those who feel like paying for some of your child's 'wants' is giving them handouts or failing to prepare them for the world.  Teaching children how to manage money, be responsible and be respectful shouldn't be about making things difficult for them.  If the only way you can teach your child those things is by limiting their finances, I'd suggest that maybe you are neglecting your parenting duties... you know, talking to them, leading by example, basic parenting things.  I suppose we all have different ideas about what our role is.

Lavendyr

.My partner's kids get £10 a month from us and some arrangement from their mum & stepdad also. We're looking at a joint arrangement like GoHenry. 

The children are 10 and 8 and we are just now settling into a sensible pocket money regime after separation of their parents and then a long period of them not really being able to do much. We pay for the necessaries - clothes for example. If we go on a special holiday we typically also buy them a particular souvenir. We make judgements often about what we are prepared to spend on without them spending pocket money. E.g. we pay for WWF and more local animal adoptions, we buy them books, the odd treat, at our discretion. For anything else they *want* but don't *need*, they can spend their pocket money. 

michelle09

No kids of my own but I got a paper round at 13 and Saturday job at 16. My parents gave me a £40/month allowance on top and I was expected to sort everything apart from food and school clothes from that. 

I remember getting my first phone aged 13. It was £129.99. Mum paid the £9.99 and my grandparents gave me £20. Remaining £100 and any credit for it I had to sort myself.

It worked and I would do the same with my children if I had them. Teach them about loans/budgets when there is a safety net around them. 

(I'm mid 30s now)

diystarter7

michelle09 said:

It worked and I would do the same with my children if I had them. Teach them about loans/budgets when there is a safety net around them. 

(I'm mid 30s now)

The only teaching re loans to us and we to our kids is/was, to steer clear of them other than a mortgage or business loan if starting a business. 

Why buy a washing machine for 450 and pay 650 via hp/etc.

anyhting and everything me, my siblings and our children have bought other than the house has been 100% cash. I guess we've saved tens of thousands of pounds by doing that.

zagfles

diystarter7 said:

michelle09 said:

It worked and I would do the same with my children if I had them. Teach them about loans/budgets when there is a safety net around them. 

(I'm mid 30s now)

The only teaching re loans to us and we to our kids is/was, to steer clear of them other than a mortgage or business loan if starting a business. 

Why buy a washing machine for 450 and pay 650 via hp/etc.

anyhting and everything me, my siblings and our children have bought other than the house has been 100% cash. I guess we've saved tens of thousands of pounds by doing that.

And that should include mobile contracts which include a "free" or discounted phone - they're basically loans for the phone. Buy the phone cash and put a PAYG SIM in it and most people shouldn't need to pay more than £6 a month for airtime. 

Spendless

You can educate your kids all you like on white goods and personal electronics ands and phones, loans and store cards but you'll not be able to control what your adult offspring do nor will you be able to think of every eventuality. My 22 yo son, finished his degree last month, has never had a credit card or a personal loan and until the first lockdown when he got stuck in student digs with spiralling food costs had never used his student overdraft either. He moved in with his fiancées parents a fortnight ago and within a week and a half owes them £800 because parents have booked a hol that they 'need to contribute to' and also took him shopping for a new wardrobe. Did he need some new clothes - yes, did it all need to be done at once -possibly not. His view on it (mine differs) is that he  sees this as being helped not he has a debt to pay once he finds employment. 

diystarter7

zagfles said:

diystarter7 said:

michelle09 said:

It worked and I would do the same with my children if I had them. Teach them about loans/budgets when there is a safety net around them. 

(I'm mid 30s now)

The only teaching re loans to us and we to our kids is/was, to steer clear of them other than a mortgage or business loan if starting a business. 

Why buy a washing machine for 450 and pay 650 via hp/etc.

anyhting and everything me, my siblings and our children have bought other than the house has been 100% cash. I guess we've saved tens of thousands of pounds by doing that.

And that should include mobile contracts which include a "free" or discounted phone - they're basically loans for the phone. Buy the phone cash and put a PAYG SIM in it and most people shouldn't need to pay more than £6 a month for airtime. 

Completely agree. All of our mobiles have been purchased. My current phone is an iphone 4 I think, hardly used given to me by one of our children about 7/8 years ago.
My OH bought a Samsung Galaxy for about 140 quid about three years ago.
We are with Tesco payg and use our landline to contacts kids and family and business calls as landline is all inc.

Anyone reading this - in my culture, it was always bad practice, not go to borrow money for anything more than property or shop.
As I said, we must have saved tens of thousands of pounds by not paying interest on tv's/white goods, holidays, presents, cars, etc,etc.

Why should you by a tv for 2k and pay 4k?

silvercar

rach_k said:

We pay for what the kids need and what we want them to have.  They have a small amount of pocket money (and birthday money etc) for things we don't particularly want them to have but aren't going to forbid (e.g. extra sweets, rubbish magazines etc) and they also use that for a bit of independence with things like buying gifts and so they don't always have to ask before they buy things.

I feel like I'm in the minority but I feel really sad for those who feel like paying for some of your child's 'wants' is giving them handouts or failing to prepare them for the world.  Teaching children how to manage money, be responsible and be respectful shouldn't be about making things difficult for them.  If the only way you can teach your child those things is by limiting their finances, I'd suggest that maybe you are neglecting your parenting duties... you know, talking to them, leading by example, basic parenting things.  I suppose we all have different ideas about what our role is.

I agree.

It is also responsible to teach our children to (hopefully) follow our example and to look out for others who may need support. 
We've had uni friends of our kids moving in with us for a few days (longer in one case) because the costs that they were required to pay for living at home were a struggle. DS2 also used to ask us to take luggage home from uni for mates who had no parents able/ willing to collect them and so had to struggle to vacate their rooms in the uni holidays.

Confusedlad

With our kids it was a question of agreeing whether it was a "need" or a "want". Needs we funded, wants they funded from savings, birthday £, or wages from p/t jobs while at school, or later uni.

Never really caused any major disagreements as I recall.  And they learnt valuable life skills of saving to buy rather than borrowing to buy (as too young to get credit). Pleased to say this has left a lasting impression.