What do you pay for on your kid's behalf, and what should they pay for themselves?

Savvy_Sue

silvercar said:

When we go out for family meals we still pay.

Mostly so do we, but then occasionally one of them surprises us, and its always been a battle to stop MIL paying for us!

Alnat1

Kids had pocket money from about age 10, £2 a week, going up to £15 by age 16 and this was paid into their bank accounts. They both had bank cards so could access cash if they wanted. It meant they didn't spend it all at the local sweet shop but tended to save and pay for things they really wanted. We gave them bus fares/dinner money extra when at college. 

We bought their basic clothes but I had rules like a £30 limit for new trainers, if they wanted an expensive big brand they paid the difference.

They have both grown up to be very independent and understand the value of money, opened Help to Buy ISAs and bought their own houses aged 24 and 26.

Liverpool_Anne

Some very sensible people posting here. I don't have any children but looking at some of my friends I am flabbergasted at what they let their kids do. I regularly gives his daughter money to go out and hands over his credit card to let her go shopping as even though she works full time he says she doesn't earn much. More reason to learn to budget I would have thought but that's just my opinion. Another friend whose daughter works full time pays for her make up. On the other hand a single Mum I know discussed her financials with her son so he understood the realities of life and while he never missed out on anything he did learn to consider what was needed rather than wanted. He is 23 now and just about to buy a house having worked from the age of 15 during his school holidays, gone to college and got a very well paid job.

slm6002

I pay for their needs and they pay for their wants out of their birthday / Christmas money.  DD1 has a part time job and is saving for a car and lessons.  She also wants a fancy phone rather than the basic one I pay for.  I said I will give her the equivalent of what I pay for hers once her current contract ends and then she can pay the extra

diystarter7

slm6002 said:

I pay for their needs and they pay for their wants out of their birthday / Christmas money.  DD1 has a part time job and is saving for a car and lessons.  She also wants a fancy phone rather than the basic one I pay for.  I said I will give her the equivalent of what I pay for hers once her current contract ends and then she can pay the extra

My kids paid for their own driving lessons and we agreed that though they could not afford a car and would not be driving our cars, best to get a licence.  I've posted this before, since age of 16, we have only really given them presents on xams/birthdays etc and did give a bit each to their first cars but only after they bought them for cash. If they had bought on HP etc, then we would have not contributed.
Teaching kids early in life to stand on their own two feet often works for the best and non of our children have ever paid interest on other than their mortgages.

matelodave

We paid for normal stuff when my daughters were still at school but any extras they bought from their earnings, one worked in a shop on Saturdays and the other did cleaning and waitressing.

When the eldest went to uni we paid her maintenance but she was expected to earn any extras and she got full time jobs in the summer recess. The younger daughter went to work and paid us rent (which we saved) and paid for some food shopping. When she left home, her saved rent payments went towards her house deposit when she got married.

We paid for her wedding which was about the equivalent of her sister's uni costs. Her elder sister paid for her own wedding as we'd paid her uni costs

I did pay for both of them to have driving lessons as I considered it an essential life skill (and we could then use them to drive us around if required)

Both daughters are bringing up their children in the same way, Both grandsons did paper rounds until they went to uni and both pay their way by working both in the veneing, weekend and in the summer hols.

The younger kids aren't quite old enough yet but have to do jobs at home to get their pocket money although their parent to pay for their mobile phones.

diystarter7

matelodave said:

We paid for normal stuff when my daughters were still at school but any extras they bought from their earnings, one worked in a shop on Saturdays and the other did cleaning and waitressing. When the eldest went to uni we paid her maintenance but she was expected to earn any extras and she got full time jobs in the summer recess. The younger daughter went to work and paid us rent (which we saved) and paid for some food shopping. When she left home, her raved rent payments went towards her house deposit when she got married.

I did pay for both of them to have driving lessons as I considered it an essential life skill (and we could then use them to drive us around if required)

Both daughters are bring up their children in the same way, 

Re driving, we felt like you, but we were young I guess and did not see it like that.
I've seen people pay for their kids driving and then let them drive their small car then moan when kids want it a lot more and park it on an empty.

We gudied our kids via good practice, you stand on your own two feet, seems hard but it worked for us and thankfully no pay day loans and hand to mouth living. I've seen a few and heard of toom many stories kids being spoilt so it was not for us.

I'm not having a go at you and am pleased that you are happy. Good luck.

matelodave

Actually they only ever used my car once.  I did help the eldest get a small car, when she left uni and started teaching but she paid all of it back.

The younger one used her boyfriends (now her husband) car.

They've also fully paid off their mortgage before the age of 50 due to prudence.The elder one was a bit later getting married and getting it all together but they'll have their mortgage finished by the time they are 55. Grandson no 1 is stashing the cash towards his deposit on a house and we think GS no 2 will become a professional student

theoretica

MSE_Laura_F said:

Parents with kids who have their own money (pocket money, birthday gifts, part-time jobs etc): do you still pay for everything for them, or are they expected to pay for certain things?

I find it interesting to see pocket money in that list as things kids pay for.  In my world pocket money starts out low, and just pays for some of the optional things that are wanted (eg chocolate).  Then as the kid gets older, pocket money gets higher, but also the list of things that it covers increases - so quite a lot needs to be held back for boring things like the bus to school and everyday clothes which may or may not be seen as boring.  So pocket money /allowance is parents paying, but kids budgeting, and getting used to needing to pay for necessities.

Madmel

DDs are now in their early 20s. They worked at weekends & holidays from the age of 16. From 11 or 12 they had around £100 per month for clothes, gifts etc although we paid for school uniform, concert gear, prom outfits and dance kit. I paid for their phones.

DD1 received almost the full student loan plus a decent bursary from her uni. We carried on with the £100 and she didn't use her overdraft. She finally started paying her own phone bill 2 years ago. She is now studying for a PhD so I have guaranteed her share of her rent, but she does receive a stipend and some money for tutoring. As our family finances have improved, we still give her £100 per month. DD2 is currently on a cultural exchange abroad. She has been paying her own phone bill for the last 2 years, but we paid for her flights and insurance and guaranteed her accommodation. We also paid for her to have lessons in the language of the country where she is studying as her Christmas present. Before she went abroad, she was working P/T in a cafe and doing chores at home, so we didn't charge her board.

Both have a really sensible attitude to money. Both have started ISAs (Help to Buy I think) and this site is their go-to for all money questions. They rarely buy new clothes, much preferring charity shops. They also self-cater. When we changed credit cards 18 months ago, we actually put them on our account. It makes it easier if they buy stuff for us, and I don't panic when they are out in the car.