The Mental Debt Struggle...

Humdinger1

@Keedie I am so angry for you that your previous manager viewed you as 'defective '.  There was  a 'defective' human being in that set up but...spoiler alert.. it wasn't you.  That attitude will end up biting her in the b*ckside; and that she works in HR is the icing on the cake! Please keep us posted with news of her downfall; I don't want to be negative but honestly! Justice requires that she gets her comeuppance. You are fab at your job, that much is obvious.   Love Humdinger xx 

AntoMac

I’m similarly angry about your previous manager @Keedie
What annoys me even more is that someone once decided said person would make a good manager. She is an absolute disgrace. How about appointing managers on how they treat fellow human beings first and foremost?! At this right I’m gonna swear in a minute 
You are not ‘A bit defective’ by the way. Were they your own thoughts? I hope not. If you are, then we all are in different ways. None of us are perfect that’s for sure. We all have our various flaws but that’s what gives us life experience and makes us interesting.
Pleased to hear that you had a lovely break in Brighton. As for your coach driver, if he can’t be polite to customers who are paying his wages perhaps he should find another job!

I like that you continually revise your spreadsheets and plans. Very sensible to adapt and update so that it works for you.
It sounds like you are sorting lots of things out and working on being kinder to yourself. The new MH group sounds exciting. It’s always good to interact with people who ‘get’ you. 

cinnamon123

AntoMac said:

You are not ‘A bit defective’ by the way. Were they your own thoughts? I hope not. If you are, then we all are in different ways. None of us are perfect that’s for sure. We all have our various flaws but that’s what gives us life experience and makes us interesting.

Well said AntoMac!

Keedie - you are you and that is enough. Anyone who doesn't think so isn't worth much and needs to work on themselves, their attitudes and their outlooks on life and people.

From what I have read of your diary, you accept your life with grace, despite being overwhelmed at times, and also seek improvement where you can. It is a wonderful way to live life. More should emulate your example.

Keedie

Yeah she wasn't a good manager @Humdinger1, and she got it into my head that I was 'defective' or 'deficient' as she was overly scrutinising me and kept waiting for me to fail. She couldn't reconcile my ability to do my job and my inability to walk or stay alert and awake at times. But then they realised that I was very capable as our Head of Service told her that if we'd both stayed working for the council and I hadn't taken redundancy, I would have been her manager instead of me following her to this employer and her being my manager. Then they just conveniently forgot that I deliberately applied for a job with no responsibilities and overburdened me with work. I ended up getting signed off with stress for 3 weeks about 9 months into the job and then changed my working pattern so that I could have shorter days twice a week to cope with everything. Ironically, she's incredibly nice to me now that she knows that I'm definitely competent and able to do my job and was even singing my praises to our Assistant Director, as I had escalated a query to her in July 2022 and she didn't know what to do with it, and I ended up having to sort it all out myself a couple of weeks ago! 

I'll always keep revising my spreadsheet @AntoMac, as it keeps me on my toes and keeps me focussed. I found a website today that helps with managing your money with your mental health, https://www.mentalhealthandmoneyadvice.org/en/ and they have a great budget spreadsheet and had categories that didn't occur to me, so I will be doing that this weekend, to see what else I need to consider. I'm incredibly anxious about joining the new MH group, but excited that I have found somewhere else that I can go to, where I can just be myself.

cinnamon123 said:

Keedie - you are you and that is enough. Anyone who doesn't think so isn't worth much and needs to work on themselves, their attitudes and their outlooks on life and people.

From what I have read of your diary, you accept your life with grace, despite being overwhelmed at times, and also seek improvement where you can. It is a wonderful way to live life. More should emulate your example.

That's such a kind thing to say @cin@cinnamon123 and it really means so much to me! I'm going to try and keep reminding myself that who I am is enough, and not to be so sidetracked by how others behave. It's a good lesson to learn. I definitely need to find a way to live by that, so thank you.

LittleMissDetermined

I have a t-shirt somewhere and it has "You are enough" across the front. Whenever I wear this I will think of you @Keedie. So many people need to hear this statement and it angers me greatly that others will belittle and manipulate with their small-minded and judgemental opinions.  I am certain that you are 10 times the person she could ever hope to be.
I'm stepping back down from my soap-box now but I would also be interested to hear any tales of how Karma catches up to this person  
LMD x

Keedie

Ahh bless you @LittleMissDetermined, you're so kind and I have appreciated your soap box so not to worry  . I think it's horrible that people put others down, but I think ultimately it says more negatively about that person than the one they're being mean to. But it isn't easy to deal with, and that's why I've always gone out of my way to kind to everyone. You never know what someone else is going through. I hadn't worked for over 2 years before I started with my current employer and so my confidence was already low and she just wore it down even further. 

I think I need to find a tshirt that says something like that, but thanks in advance for thinking of me  .

I've been doing lots of surveys on Curious Cats and managed to cash out £6.88 since Monday and sent this to my PAD Pot so that I can chuck it at the MBNA credit card at the end of the month. I have a current cashout limit of £8 a week for my first week, so of the £2.17 pending, I can only cash out £1.12 for the rest of the week. But apparently this limit is increasing by £8 a week, so from Sunday onward I can cash out £16 a week. My aim is to try and earn an additional £10-15 a week for my debts and CC seems to be easiest to do this. Panelbase screens out so often or I waste time on a survey and it screens out 2/3 of the way in! Still waiting for acceptance to the holy grail of Prolific as I have seen how much people are making through those surveys. Maybe sometime soon...

LittleMissDetermined

You're doing really well with C-cat. It all adds up and is a great way to throw extra money at your debt or into your sealed pot.

beanielou

As I have cerebral palsy, I have t-shirts, hoodies & whatever saying 'perfectly imperfect'.

Keedie

Yes CC is great @LittleMissDetermined as I've earned £10.34 since Monday, which is not to be sniffed at!

I love those tshirts and hoodies @beanielou, I feel like I need to invest in some items myself. It's quite empowering isn't it?

On the job front, I had a long hard think about things whilst I was in Brighton and decided not to bother applying or doing the interim role, but I was still a bit unsure if turning down the interim position was smart. Then I was on campus yesterday and spoke to my manager and realised that the job role had not even with advertised as yet despite being told it would go live last week Friday. She leaves in 4 weeks and at this rate, they won't be able to interview until the new year as the uni is closed from 23 December 2022 to 2 January 2023, and if the advert was live already, the interviews were scheduled the week commencing 12 December 2022. No one seems to know what is happening and what the interim measures will be and there might not be anyone in that role until February/March 2022 depending on their notice period. Yet there's zero plan for how our team will function and we have a new HR Assistant starting the week my manager leaves and no one knows who will be responsible for her induction programme! So yeah, I'm staying away from that chaos.

I am however going to increase my hours at my normal job to 4 days a week, up from 3 days a week. I had a long hard think about it, and calculated that I would benefit by an extra £170 a month with the universal credit deduction taken into account. Which means I can chuck an extra £125 a month at my debt which is £1,500 extra in 2023.I'm determined to leave my job in December 2023, so I might as well earn as much as I can (in a role that won't send me crazy with stress), so that by the time I leave, my debt is under £9k, and I will have just one main creditor (Barclaycard) and I can manage that paying less towards my debts as I can reduce my hours again and look for a suitable part time job whilst I get my freelancing off the ground.

I'll increase my hours from Monday 5 December and that way, I only have to do two weeks at the increased hours, as I am on leave from 19 December 2022 and then uni is closed so I don't have to work the full month with the longer hours as I get a two week break. The extra money in my wages next month will help cover Christmas as well, because all of my money has gone on other things, mainly the exam fees which I have finally saved the full £540 required.

Keedie

Forgot to say that I paid £0.85 into the sealed pot challenge. I put it in the tin for coins that are 20p and under. The tin doesn't sound as hollow now, so it's slowly creeping up... yay!