How do I tell my depressed husband I've just lost my job?

bob6789

My husband is clinically depressed and lost his job last summer.  He is coping, on medication but is very fragile. 

I have just lost my job - again (I have been made redundant twice in the last 8 years).  How do I tell him?  It takes months to get another one as I am in a quite well paid field, consequently our mortgage is high, though we did manage to re-mortgage to a fixed rate before interest rates shinanigans started, thank goodness.  I could get another job to pay the bills but it wouldn't cover the mortgage.  I reckon we've got about six months worth of savings left...

I am terrified of what this will do to him.  Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

JReacher1

Just be positive. These things happen and I am sure together you can overcome them. 

Or alternatively lie to him and pretend to go to work every day until you get a new job. 

diystarter7

Sorry to hear about that.
Where about in the UK do you live and what type of job you have - you can just say Cornwall, Wales etc.

Tell him you've got good news and some not so good news - not so good first - they are making me redundant - good news, your redundancy and that you are positive of getting another job soon

Whilst you look for your other job, take a job in between with an agency and this will go well on your next perma job

Best wishes

ps - tell him on a sunny day and go out to the beack etc afterwards and be very positive if if you dont feel like it

TheJP

JReacher1 said:

Just be positive. These things happen and I am sure together you can overcome them. 

Or alternatively lie to him and pretend to go to work every day until you get a new job. 

This is good advice and terrible advice. Don't lie to him!

Just be honest, you'll deal with it together. He may well relate having gone through the process. Perhaps think about the size of mortgage and if its best to down size.

Either way good luck and i hope you find a new job very soon.

Retireby40

If you have been made redundant once before and have overcome the problems that can come with it use that as an example.

It's happened before and we were OK.

I have no idea about where you live, if there are kids or not. But have you thought about, or is it possible to move to a different area where a normal job can actually cover the mortgage?

While you may not get to do the job you want to start, you may find something abit more secure.

MEM62

JReacher1 said:

Or alternatively lie to him and pretend to go to work every day until you get a new job. 

Absolutely appalling advice.  

Brie

I had a similar situation earlier this year.  Frankly I was completely happy about being made redundant - well, mostly - next year would have been better but this year is ok.  So that's what i focused on.  

Also - I know what triggers the OH.  And I was right - first comment was "OMG, we're going to lose the house!" 

And so I had my answers ready.  "No, we're not.  I estimate the redundancy money is going to XX which will last us YY months.  And then we can get A, B, C.  And don't forget that localbigbusiness is always hiring the autumn."

I do agree that lying isn't a grand idea.  But I've nothing against putting off telling him until you are ready to cope with his reaction.  I knew I couldn't wait more than maybe 12 hours as it was all going to hit the local papers and then the whole world would know what was happening.

JReacher1

MEM62 said:

JReacher1 said:

Or alternatively lie to him and pretend to go to work every day until you get a new job. 

Absolutely appalling advice.  

It’s not and if you don’t think people do this you’re very naive. 

Ultimately the OP will understand the situation best but if their husband is clinically depressed then news like this could have serious implications. For the husbands sake it may be best to hide this news until the OP is in improved circumstances. 

pickledonionspaceraider

I think you need to be honest with him 

I understand hes fragile, so the best way to approach this, only you know

One thing jumps out at me - you say it could take months to find  as you are in a well paid field.  If I rephrase that to 'it takes months to find my ideal job'...that is the situation many of us have found ourselves in

My best advice would be to take whatever job comes along for now - and then keep looking for the ideal job. 

Thats my tuppence worth, good luck OP and best wishes to your partner

Angelica123

Delaying or lying will only make things worse in the long term. I know you want to protect him but he will feel disempowered if you treat him completely with kid gloves. 

It is useful to have a plan A/B/C. Question you need to ask yourself is a) would you consider getting a lower paid job to make your savings last longer, b) whether it is realistic for you to stay in your current job and c) whether your husband is ready to work again even on an ad hoc basis. I know you said he was fragile but for some people recovering from a mental (or physical) illness - working adds an element of purpose and routine that can benefit some people. 

Whatever you decide to do, you need to decide together. 

diystarter7

The above 2 posts, very good. Honesty is the best policy as lying, withholding will only make things worse.