Always believed i was adopted or similar. Please help me understand dna

silvercar

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

Ideally you want to use the same company as other family members. So if you know anyone that has used one of the bigger companies then pick the same one. Otherwise it’s pot luck.
I used 23andme and keep getting random 3rd cousin notifications.

JReacher1

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

I don’t really understand this.  I must be completely misunderstanding what is going on!

I thought it was your mother who was your biological mother. If it was then the fact her husband was playing around is irrelevant as that wouldn’t make your mother pregnant with another man’s child!

RAS

Hi, this isn't going to be a quick or necessarily easy case to solve. It all depends who else has tested; something over which you have no control. And many who are given tests have done little or no family history research, so if you find a close match, you have to persuade them to collaborate to work out the link. You will also need to use several sites but some of them can be used free, or for a single fee.

You don't need to pay a subscription to join Ancestry to create a profile and tree there if you test with them. They have by far the biggest subscription base, so that is statistically where you are most likely to get a match.  But I know some people who found no close links. You can also download your DNA profile as a zip file and transfer it to most other sites. But you can't transfer your DNA profile into Ancestry from other testers. So it's not like killing two birds with one stone, but if you test with Ancestry you've lined up the birds in readiness for the next shot.

Ancestry and other sites have offers regularly; generally tests go down to £59 plus postage and if you buy more than one, there's usually an offer on. As previously, I'd suggest testing one of your parents' sisters or one sister's child on each side and yourself. The chances of a complete zero on a test with a first cousin with whom you actually have real genetic link are minimal and it would confirm which of your "parents" is genetically related. 

Other sites also offer free or much reduced offers that allow you to upload your DNA zip-file into their database so you can extend your search later.

I'd strongly suggest that you research your family tree using traditional means first. Talk through and document (paper is fine) your "parents", grandparents and great grandparents. Add siblings for all 6 of the gp and ggps if possible (even getting negatives when you DNA test is informative). And if possible, name your cousins and second cousins. Interview mum and any aunts and uncles. Then when you test, you can add a tree with your grandparents and great-grandparents and as many of their siblings as possible. It helps other people work out their connection to you and you to understand connections.

To help your initial research, you may find Ancestry or findmypast available at your local history or even branch library. Assuming you are in England or Wales, that allows you to access birth, death and marriage indexes from 1837. Once you start getting back to the 1920s, www.gro.gov.uk is free and great for finding maiden names and siblings of great grandparents. And it's worth checking if anyone had a will at the Probate Registry, it costs £1.50 to obtain them and they often name three generations.

You need to be prepared for the fact that even if you get a match to your non-documented parent, there's no guarantee that the match will want to explore the connection.  

raineydays

JReacher1 said:

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

I don’t really understand this.  I must be completely misunderstanding what is going on!

I thought it was your mother who was your biological mother. If it was then the fact her husband was playing around is irrelevant as that wouldn’t make your mother pregnant with another man’s child!

No you are correct.
I'm not sure i explained correctly. 
So there was periods of time a week or so here and there where the husband would leave the family home and move in with other women. It appears unfortunately my mother then had relations with friends who would visit to 'help' her with her 3 other children (my brothers) 
The eldest brother was the one who i asked for dna as I was as certain as could be that he was 'dads' child.

I now have alot of talking to do with my mother who i care for. 

As you can imagine this is a huge bomb shell for all. It makes sense in some ways now why I was so badly abused by him
 However saying that I was also the only female.

I will suggest to all brothers we use the same company.

Keep_pedalling

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

That does not make a lot of sense, if you have a different father (which the results seem to show) then your mother must have had another man in her life, your father’s affairs could not effect your DNA.

You don’t need more DNA tests you just need the lab who did the original to clarify their very badly worded interpretation. 

Flugelhorn

raineydays said:

JReacher1 said:

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

I don’t really understand this.  I must be completely misunderstanding what is going on!

I thought it was your mother who was your biological mother. If it was then the fact her husband was playing around is irrelevant as that wouldn’t make your mother pregnant with another man’s child!

No you are correct.
I'm not sure i explained correctly. 
So there was periods of time a week or so here and there where the husband would leave the family home and move in with other women. It appears unfortunately my mother then had relations with friends who would visit to 'help' her with her 3 other children (my brothers) 
The eldest brother was the one who i asked for dna as I was as certain as could be that he was 'dads' child.

I now have alot of talking to do with my mother who i care for. 

As you can imagine this is a huge bomb shell for all. It makes sense in some ways now why I was so badly abused by him
 However saying that I was also the only female.

I will suggest to all brothers we use the same company.

yes all use ancestry as it has the biggest database and if there is a mystery after the DNA ie different Dads then there is more chance of solving who the "missing father" is 

Seems your mum, in saying that her husband was away with other women, is leaving the door open to the fact that she may have had other relationships too. 

there are many supportive facebook groups where people get help with DNA results and also how to deal with NPE events (not parent expected)

Sandtree

raineydays said:

Thankyou for all your comments. We have had the talk and I now have some additional names. Appears there was a period of time the husband was back and forth with other women. Which I was aware of. Now what to do with the names? Would you recommend the ancestry dna test?

As with others this is now getting more confusing than less... "the husband"? 

The DNA test company has used very clunky language and so in the first instance I'd suggest talking to them to see what the results to date are saying... it seems to be that you have the same father but different mother to the sibling tested.  If this is the case and you were both born in the UK then its simply a case of getting the two birth certificates which would almost certainly correctly identify each of your biological mothers. DNA tests to confirm who mothers are really are very rarely necessary given its fairly obvious who a baby came out of. 

The only time there is complication is when an egg donor is involved but the first births via this route were in the mid 1980s which can be easy to eliminate depending on your ages plus then its debatable who the "mother" is anyway.

stig

I think there is some misreading of the stats here.

if the likelihood they do not share the same father is 8063 to 1, this is saying that it is 8063 times MORE likely they do not share the same father than that they do.

We’re used to looking at odds the other way round, where there is less than even chance of something, but this is unambiguous if somewhat clunky.

TBagpuss

Like others, I am a little confused. 

The DNA test you have taken shows that you and your brother have the same mother but differnt fathers.
IF your mother has given you names of men who may have been your father, then to know for sure, those men (or their childnre or other relations) would hav to do DNA tests.

GEtting a test via ancestry can help you natrrow down the possibilities IF anyone in the family of the possible father has done testing. For instnace,supoose that you fo a DNA test via ancestry and it tells you that they have records of a Jo Bloggs who SNA suggests is your cousin. If youi know that there are no Blogs' in you mum's family or her husband's family, then that suggests that the person is related to you via your biological father. You can then look at their family tree (if they have made it public) to see whethr they have an uncle or cousin who is the right age and matches the details your mum has given you.

Or you might get matches for more distant relatives but not be able to join up the dots to find out who the link between you is. 
If you also ask your mum and brother to fo the tests via ancestry then it can make it easier for you to find relatives who are related to you via your bio dd, asthose related via your mum will alsopop up as matches fo r your mum andbrother, whereas the ones who only come up as mataches for ypu would be much more likely to be related to you via your bio-dad.

Grumpelstiltskin

I hope the OP doesn't think she will magically have a name for her potential father just pop up from the computer.
The chance of him having his DNA on even the most common site - Ancestry is very small.

You never know with DNA what will show up but I suspect there needs to be much more research, for instance the OP could put the names her mother has given her into Ancestry, you never know what will turn up and even if she does find a match and he is still alive what does she intend to do?