Should I ask for maintenance payments?

DE_612183

so you live in a house that's in your name with the children
he lives in a flat on his own 

I guess it depends on whether you need the extra money, and how much of a burden it would be for him to provide it.

If you did a legal separation all assets and debts would be taken into account ( whoever's name they are in ) so it may be better to not rock the boat - but ultimately its your decision.

elsien

They don’t need a legal separation because they’re not married. Ditto the debts/assets thing. 

JJWSJS8700

Emlulo said:

MalMonroe said:

Well you can ask but if he doesn't have it, he won't be able to pay it. If his job is not well paid and he has debts and he is also paying a mortgage on a property from which you will both eventually profit it doesn't sound as if there's going to be much left over.

If you can be reasonable and agree an amount between you that might be the best thing for now until the flat is sold. Hopefully, he will pull himself together and then he will be able to pay more. He could do with coming on this forum and asking for some help with his debts.

I have honestly tried to direct him to some debt advice agencies, suggested ways of cutting back and had taken on all financial responsibility to allow him to try to tackle his debts, but he is just beyond irresponsible.

He has just bought a £6.5k car, had a night out last weekend with a steak dinner and hotel with a friend. Then claims to have no money, because it’s all on credit cards or borrowed from his mother. He already owes her around £30k, which he stopped paying back long ago. I loaned him £6k a while ago, which I will never see back, and have written off. He demanded £2K from me towards the car so that he could see the kids (which I gave him).

I’ve tried to help and support him in finding another job. Again, nothing ever happens. He is so apathetic. Everything is everyone else’s fault, not his. 

I think I am going to take the advice given and ask him to pay for the kids’ swimming lessons and other things they need as and when. That way he is contributing to them, but without having to pay the much larger sum that would be taken from his salary if we went down the route of formal CMS payments.

Emlulo said:

Hi, I have just separated from my partner. We have two children (4 and 7). The children are staying with me, and will stay overnight with him some weekends, and during some school holidays too.

I own the house that my children and I live in. I pay all bills. Before we moved into the house we lived in a flat. When we bought the flat I was a stay at home mum, looking after our then 2 year old and newborn. I went back to work when my now four year old was one, and paid all nursery fees for both children and food costs, while he paid the mortgage on the flat. As I wasn’t working when we bought it, it was solely in his name, and continues to be. When we moved into the house, I did not ask him to pay a penny for anything as he’s in a fair bit of debt. He continued to pay for the flat mortgage while we had it on the market for sale.

He now lives in the flat on his own.

My question is, given that he’s paying the mortgage on the flat (which we both hope to profit from when sold), should I ask for child maintenance? He is in a lot of debt, and I know he would struggle to pay. If I did ask for an amount, it would be lower than what would be taken if I went through official channels.

I can afford to pay for the children on my own, but with very little left at the end of the month, and he would have to pay for somewhere to live, irrespective. 

I’d be interested to hear people’s thoughts on this. I hope I have been sufficiently clear! 

Emlulo said:

Hi, I have just separated from my partner. We have two children (4 and 7). The children are staying with me, and will stay overnight with him some weekends, and during some school holidays too.

I own the house that my children and I live in. I pay all bills. Before we moved into the house we lived in a flat. When we bought the flat I was a stay at home mum, looking after our then 2 year old and newborn. I went back to work when my now four year old was one, and paid all nursery fees for both children and food costs, while he paid the mortgage on the flat. As I wasn’t working when we bought it, it was solely in his name, and continues to be. When we moved into the house, I did not ask him to pay a penny for anything as he’s in a fair bit of debt. He continued to pay for the flat mortgage while we had it on the market for 

I’m confused, you have your mortgaged home with the children and he has the mortgaged flat?

If he’s not paying for his children do you trust that he’s going to sell the flat and share the proceeds with you, when only his name is on the deeds?

You started working ages ago so why hasn’t he added your name to the deeds?

DE_612183

Don't know if you'll get an answer - poster hasn't been around for a month or so...

mikejassss

Of course,you must asked him to pay the child support fee.

Children's life and learning costs are relatively high.