Currently clueless...aiming for awareness

canvascamper

Definitely not a no spend day today!

Greggs breakfast for the kids (it's a tradition), Top up shop in Aldi, posted out some eBay parcels (but I guess that doesn't count because the buyers paid postage?) And £15 on diesel in the car. Had to withdraw £10 so I had change for playgroup, but that should last me 4 weeks of subs. 

Nothing at all extra than I was expecting at least. 

I've still not had my council tax rebate yet, I think I'll leave it in my account to reduce the overdraft. 

Signed up to Shoppix and submitted my receipts, that's quite fun. Looks like it takes a lot of receipts to get a reward but it's basically free money. I did have to remember to ask for a receipt everywhere as I usually don't bother. 

canvascamper

I only spent the tram fare into town and back today. Took my own lunch into work. I didn't even go out at lunch for a walk.

I'll tell the truth, not spending is making me feel really bored. I kind of threw myself into blogs and diaries and podcasts to try and change my mindset and now I'm still anxious but also bored and irritable.

I'm hoping when I get to payday I'll get a little adrenaline rush if I've reduced my overdraft that will help me push through. I don't get paid until mid month though...

WinterWarrior

Not spending can be boring, I agree. I try to find the joy in hobbies and reading, etc. but spending is a hard habit to break. 

canvascamper

I do like to read, a lot, and I do embroidery, but in the week by the time I've got all the kids to bed I'm too tired and just want to zone out in front of crap TV to be honest.

I've realised it's little things like nipping out at lunch for a new mascara or picking up some fancy doughnuts on the way home that pushed me through a day. My job is stressful and my home life is stressful and now just walking through the shops is stressful. 

I know that all sounds very negative. I know that I am generally very lucky and I really shouldn't complain. On paper I'm '#blessed'  I've tried journalling and mindfulness but I've not been able to get into it. 

stymied

Might it be time for another chat with OH? A significant proportion of the child spends really are essentials plus I didn’t really follow why food doesn’t come out of the bills account?

You mentioned that most of the CC debt was built up during 3 maternity leaves. Was this because you didn’t reduce your bills income during that time or because your spending increased? If the former perhaps he could help you clear the cards even if it’s only £50-100 per month to them. I know your focus is the overdraft but the cards may seem more like a cut and dried problem to him.

We do separate accounts plus joint account but I’m the main spender on the children for clothes, birthday, Christmas, Easter etc and occasional treats. Having children’s clothes and family treats inc days out coming from the joint account works for us.

[Deleted User]

Hello, I can relate to finding the shift from big spender to frugal queen slightly less appealing ha! With spending its that instant gratification, with frugality the gratification comes in time when the savings build up, the debts slowly reduce and you learn to live with less and be content because bring debt free means more than the small wins that fancy donuts and make up brings. I promise that the joy you'll get from being in control of your finances and clearing your debts far outweighs those spend days. It's a process and it's one that many of us have failed at several times before we get the right mindset to be completely focused.

I think you're doing really well, keep going, it will be worth it xx

WinterWarrior

Would an amount of ‘pocket money’ help? I’m going to try that again in May. I tried once and failed miserably, but feel I’m in a better mindset for it now. It will be very much like children’s pocket money, in that I can fritter it as I want, but when it’s gone, it’s gone. I’m targeting myself to not spend it all and put any remaining in savings each week. 

CRANKY40

I agree with WW - pocket money. When the House Troll was small I withdrew £40 in cash every week and this was for things like Maccies, drinks and food if we went out, that sort of thing. When it was gone that was it until the next week. (I only had the one child though so £40 was plenty for us). If you are already struggling then maybe your plan to reduce your overdraft is unrealistic. Also you are spending money before it gets there (child benefit). 

What if you did it the other way round? Dump the whole of your excess after outgoings into the Monzo account then when the child benefit comes in leave £150 in your account towards your overdraft and move the rest to your Monzo account. Your overdraft will look bigger at first but reducing it will be easier because you have more treat money to budget with at first. Count the number of Mondays until next payday, divide the Monzo money by that number and there is your weekly budget. 

Are you going halves with their dad on everything else or is he paying more than you on some things? If you're going halves then he should be contributing to the weekly "eating and treating" budget too. 

canvascamper

So the separation of finances is equal, OH pays 2 delivered big food shops per month and I do most of the top up shops, we split all household bills equally and OH pays everything to do with both cars including breakdown cover, except for my road tax. I pay national trust and kids dentist. We've worked it all out on a spreadsheet and it's equal. We don't actually have a joint current account, everything comes out of my account and OH gives me half in a lump sum. We do have a shared savings account with our emergency fund in, balance is currently £1240. 

My debt repayments are bigger than his due to credit card use during maternity leave and it was mostly because of buying stuff for the baby and activities - thankfully we kept all the baby stuff so it's done 3 kids! I suppose this could be considered a shared debt but we'd always agreed I would pay it off when back at work. Our outgoings at the time were very small as we lived in a tiny house and walked everywhere. Lifestyle creep happened fast!! 

Children's clothes and stuff usually comes out of my account simply because I pay more attention to their needs. That sounds terrible, he is a fab dad but some things just seem to pass him by, like new coats or PJs needed or something. He wouldn't think to buy Easter eggs and would just wake up on Easter Sunday expecting them to be there 🤔. I'm exactly the same about putting out the bins/cutting the hedges/new car tyres so to be fair we've both got blind spots! 

canvascamper

I like the idea of pocket money for myself. At the moment I've only budgeted £9 a month for frivolity. I was thinking that would build up so I'd have 3 or 4 boring months and then a bit of a slush fund for the odd coffee/nail varnish/candle 

I'm still not sure which pots to have. I currently have pots for
*Christmas
*Kids gifts

*Kids pocket money
*Clothes (for all - maybe split this into one for me and one for kids?)
*Me dentist

*Kids dentist

*Car

*Suma wholefoods order (I'm in a co-op so can order direct from Suma twice a year, but it's a bulk order so a big payout)
*Savings

*Fun

Some of them have limits set eg £500 for Christmas, £200 for dentist, but others are open ended and I had previously just split monthly surplus into each pot, but at the moment there is no surplus so I guess it's a bit academic. I've budgeted amounts for gifts, pocket money, clothes and fun. 

I feel like I'm making this too complicated 😐