Transparency - am I being fleeced?!

moneysaver2017

So I'm going to be short as lengthy issue. 
Husband and I have a joint account and an account for all bills. However I've always known he has his own credit card and ISA. 

I've been the redundant h/wife and not looked. Now I'm drawing a wage I've pestered as have seen money being xfered everywhere? 

He has: 1x credit cards, ISA, regular saver £200, savings £4000 (ex loan from my mother that he's calling emergency float), a junior saver for my son of £1500. Now this is with one bank but I also see another credit card with another bank, nothings been xfrred there since December.

Now he isn't a debtor, he's meticulous. BUT...he can't understand why I'm feeling a lack of transparency. My money and his is being xfered to these accounts and I can't see them/paperless.

I also stumbled across a Hargreaves Lansdowne statement once which he admitted he invested £1000 and his excuse for not telling me was that he'd shut it down and would let me know if it were an issue!

My question is the above makes me feel uneasy and his argument is that I can't be added to savings/credit cards etc. So how do you manage transparency in a relationship

moneysaver2017

Pension is £42000 and to add I have no pensions and obviously bring a low wage as housewife

IvanOpinion

I have always  encouraged Mrs O (homemaker) to have her own bank account that she can squirrel some funds away in.  So she has one and I have no idea who it is with or how much is in it or what she spends it on (although looking at the number of shoes she has I can probably guess).  On the other hand everything I earn goes into a joint bank account that we both use.

She leaves all the investing and account decisions to me.  Again she knows (or at least should know) where I have money but again she would have no idea of how much and in what form.  Usually if I am moving money I would mention it to her, but I don't think she takes much notice.

There is nothing wrong with having personal accounts that you want to keep private (I am sure many would think it is a good thing) - although I would like to think that if Mrs O got into trouble and started running up debt she would come to me first. In the end you either trust your husband or you don't.

LHW99

Full transparency may be difficult now, although probably you could work at getting him to do more in that way.

Practically, if the bills are being covered, perhaps opening your own (sole name) account would be sensible. You could get your wages paid to that, which would give you control over at least some money, as well as any child benefit, if you pay it.

If he is "meticulous, has he considered that if he paid a bit into your pension, as well as his, you could claim back some tax. That wouldn't add to his accounts, but it would increase the family's provision in due course.

You say you have been a Redundant housewife and "not looked" - perhaps he thinks you aren't interested (capable?). Too many men have been brought up with the idea they should deal with the money, but they need to realise their partner needs some understanding of the family's finances, if only to help the solicitor if they do go under that bus.

With an account of your own, you could start asking his advice about eg a savings account, if you accumulate a few hundred, and take advantage of saying something like - so how do you decide between (say) ISA accounts?

If he begins to realise you are interested, he may open up.

moneysaver2017

Thanks all. I guess also (as much as I don't want to for tat) if I open my own account he can start seeing my point. I have raised my views on how I feel but he just flashes the phone balance at me rather than me knowing where all these transfers of money are going! 

jaypers

There is surely a more fundamental question here around your relationship and trust? In addition, there should be transparency around finances in case anything should happen to either of you (God forbid). Sounds like the money aspect here is a symptom of something else not quite right. 

refluxer

moneysaver2017 said:

 My money and his is being xfered to these accounts and I can't see them/paperless.

This important point seems to have been overlooked. He may have a right to privacy with regards to his own, private banking affairs but if your money is involved, then you have every right to know where your money is going. He shouldn't be hiding those accounts from you.

I appreciate that the situation is a little delicate as you don't want him to get the impression that you don't trust him so, as mentioned above, if you can simply make it look like you're wanting to start taking more of an interest in the family financial affairs and he has nothing to hide, then there should be no problem. 

I also don't understand the argument that your name can't be added to any savings or credit card accounts. Is there a specific reason for this ? Do you have a very poor credit rating ? A husband and wife both being named on any bill or bank account that involves both of you is a perfectly normal thing to do.

Albermarle

He has: 1x credit cards, ISA, regular saver £200, savings £4000 (ex loan from my mother that he's calling emergency float), a junior saver for my son of £1500. Pension is £42000

On a more positive note , the above does not really ring any alarm bells . It is not as if you have discovered a lot of huge debts , final demand letters etc , so could be worse.

moneysaver2017

Thank you. Yes I agree. It's my money that's being moved around basically. So I've called the bank and they're going to add me with us going in to the other accounts...I told my oh I'm organising! However credit cards I can't be added as they've explained there's no such thing as a joint credit card...odd as I thought my mother had one with 2 cards?

P1Fanatic

It always surprises me when a person says I never looked and left their partner to the joint finances. I would always want access and my name on any accounts where joint money is held or sent to. Just sit down and have a conversation saying you want to be more involved and understand where your joint finances are being held.

noh

moneysaver2017 said:

Thank you. Yes I agree. It's my money that's being moved around basically. So I've called the bank and they're going to add me with us going in to the other accounts...I told my oh I'm organising! However credit cards I can't be added as they've explained there's no such thing as a joint credit card...odd as I thought my mother had one with 2 cards?

That is right. There is no such thing as a joint credit card account but there can be additional card holders that is how your mother had an account with two cards.
It is a sole account with only one person, the main cardholder, receiving the statements and liable for the money spent on all the cards issued on that account.