Providing Care for a Parent - wage and home alterations. 29 March 2022 at 2:27PM in Marriage, relationships & families 6 replies 513 views

readysaverone

My first post so hello to you all.

I have two questions involving care for a parent who has dementia.

Consider that you have power of attorney financial and health wise, and all vested parties have given formal consent.

Firstly, can the parental home be sold with some of the proceeds being used to extend and alter your house to suit the parent coming to live with you?

Secondly can the parent pay you a reasonable wage to care for them in your home?

If anything needs clarifying please ask. 

Keep_pedalling

Are you a qualified carer? If not I think paying yourself a wage for caring for a donor, would ring large alarm bells with the OPG.

Also if you have never cared for someone with dementia before, you really need to think very carefully before taking this on, it is hard and is likely to have a serious impact on your mental and physical well being.

JGB1955

'No' and 'No'

Savvy_Sue

I can only echo what Keep_pedalling says.

As attorney, you HAVE to act in your parent's best interests. You need a long, hard conversation with those medically involved. What's the prognosis? For how long will it be safe, never mind practical, for your parent to receive care in your home? What other co-morbidities are there? (Fancy word for whatever else they are suffering from.)

Also think long and hard about the practicalities of adapting your house. Can your parent stay put while that is done? If not (and I'm guessing not if you're talking about using some of the proceeds from selling their house) how will they cope with moving in with you and living through a building project? 

I'd also recommend the book Contented Dementia, can't remember author. That describes how to make long term care at home possible, but even that has a section on finding care, and the bald warning that it WILL be necessary, if the person lives long enough.

Mojisola

I second how helpful that book was - Contented Dementia by Oliver James.

There's also help here now - https://contenteddementiatrust.org/

bouicca21

This is not the first thread about caring for an elderly relative at home.  The universal response has been - don’t.  Looking after someone with dementia is hard, and just gets harder and harder.  I thought about adapting my home to have a place for my mum, but I am so glad it didn’t.  We kept her in her own home with  various ways of assisting her until a nursing home became the only option left. 

I_Love_comps

Having a parent with dementia, I can also so say don't move them in with you.  At first the diagnosis is so upsetting, and your parent is still mobile. Unfortunately they do not always stay mobile.
Keep her in her own home for as long as you can. 
Also when they do move into a home if your mother owns her home and has savings, you may have to sell the home depending on the local council.