Money Moral Dilemma: I bought a friend gig tickets as a gift - should they have invited me?

Yipjahoodie

You gave them two tickets as a gift, they can take whoever they want. You don't give a gift and just expect to be part of it!

primrose_penguin

Why would you expect to receive back half the birthday present you gave your friend, if it is a gift they are entitled to take who they want?? If you wanted to go yourself why didn't you say you were taking them out for their birthday to a concert and maybe take them for a drink afterwards, you wouldn't have needed to hand over any tickets, except at the venue.

[Deleted User]

Personally I think there are two things which are rather strange here. The first is that you gave your friend two tickets rather than one, and did not keep the other for yourself if you had wished to go too. The second strange part is that your friend didn’t think to at least offer you first refusal of the other ticket. Sorry to sound harsh but maybe this person doesn’t really count you as a friend; however if this is the case then they shouldn’t have accepted anything from you in the first place. 

JayD

A gift has no strings attached.

You gave the tickets to your friend as a gift - so they can do whatever they want with them.

Either way, the gig has been and gone now, so what difference does it make whatever anyone here may say?

Lisa280571

Your friend doesn't have to or feel obliged to take you but I would of felt disappointed if she hadn't invited me.

Bibette

Hi Kelvin I fear that this issue is still bothering you and no amount of asking MSE forum will give you peace of mind about this.
 If you feel the trust between you has been broken and you value this person in your life then be brave, take the risk and ask them about it.  May I suggest, that having first forgiven them ( something you can do in your own head, just so you know: this has nothing to do with whether they may or not  regret their decision) .  Approach the person, face to face is best,  with a smile and say your'e confused and dissappointed but you'd hoped that the second ticked would have been for you.  Ask "were you aware that I wanted to go too?".  At this point what have you got to loose?  By not getting the facts you can hopefully have a laugh with your friend,  they'll realise too that they made a mistake and respect you for taking the risk with them.   I have been brave in the past when EVERYONE I knew had been invited to a friends birthday party, except me.  So I smiled and asked did they realise I'd not been invited, I told them that it hurt. I took a risk.  So glad I asked.  Yes, it was an oversight and they realised that there were others that they hadn't invited too,  just in time,   great party!     "Relationship" can also be spelt   R-I-S-K.     

TBagpuss

I think the problem is that most people would assume that if you were buying two tickets so that you could go together, you'd actually say so - you would be inviting them to go with you as your guest. e.g. "I'd like to take you to the xxx gig as a birthday gift - I've got tickets for [date] "

If you gave them two tickets but didn't say anything then it's a but odd to assume that they would work out that you want to go and excepted them to invite you - they are more likely to assume that that you don't want to go, so are giving them a pair of tickets so they don't have to go alone, or that you already have your own tickets.

I think if you now urn round and talk about being confused or disappointed you are essentially guilt-tripping them for not having second guessed what you meant.

I think if it bothers you so much you want to say something , it's better to acknowledge that it was your mis-communication, not theirs.

e.g.
"I was disappointed that you didn't offer the second ticket to me when I gave them to you. I realise I should have been clearer and explained that I wanted us to go together, but it's been bugging me so I wanted to mention it, I think I assumed that because it was a pair of tickets you'd automatically invite me, and it hurt my feelings that you didn't because it made me feel that you didn't see me as so close a friend as I thought we were - can I ask you how you saw it and why you didn't offer me the ticket? I wasn't to avoid any similar miscommunications in future" 

(I think it is different to Bibet's example where they were not invited to something they reasonably expected to be invited to, I don't think that the expectation that the other person would invite you here was a reasonable one, so I thin if you start trying to guilt trip them because they didn't read your mind, that the most likely outcome is that they are going to be annoyed and upset that you are trying to blame them for your own mis-communication. On the other hand, if you acknowledge up front that it was your error but then explain how you felt, then you may feel better having expressed that you were hurt, they may be able to explain their thinking, and hopefully both of you can recognise that you have somewhat different communication styles, and perhaps aim to be clearer with each other moving forward. ) 

pixiebel81

TBagpuss said:

I think the problem is that most people would assume that if you were buying two tickets so that you could go together, you'd actually say so - you would be inviting them to go with you as your guest. e.g. "I'd like to take you to the xxx gig as a birthday gift - I've got tickets for [date] "

If you gave them two tickets but didn't say anything then it's a but odd to assume that they would work out that you want to go and excepted them to invite you - they are more likely to assume that that you don't want to go, so are giving them a pair of tickets so they don't have to go alone, or that you already have your own tickets.

I think if you now urn round and talk about being confused or disappointed you are essentially guilt-tripping them for not having second guessed what you meant.

I think if it bothers you so much you want to say something , it's better to acknowledge that it was your mis-communication, not theirs.

e.g.
"I was disappointed that you didn't offer the second ticket to me when I gave them to you. I realise I should have been clearer and explained that I wanted us to go together, but it's been bugging me so I wanted to mention it, I think I assumed that because it was a pair of tickets you'd automatically invite me, and it hurt my feelings that you didn't because it made me feel that you didn't see me as so close a friend as I thought we were - can I ask you how you saw it and why you didn't offer me the ticket? I wasn't to avoid any similar miscommunications in future" 

(I think it is different to Bibet's example where they were not invited to something they reasonably expected to be invited to, I don't think that the expectation that the other person would invite you here was a reasonable one, so I thin if you start trying to guilt trip them because they didn't read your mind, that the most likely outcome is that they are going to be annoyed and upset that you are trying to blame them for your own mis-communication. On the other hand, if you acknowledge up front that it was your error but then explain how you felt, then you may feel better having expressed that you were hurt, they may be able to explain their thinking, and hopefully both of you can recognise that you have somewhat different communication styles, and perhaps aim to be clearer with each other moving forward. ) 

Honestly if my friend said all that to me I'd think they were being a bit ridiculous and my answer should be "I assumed you didn't want to go as you would have bought one ticket for you and one for me if you did"