Aging father - How to Handle

goodwithsaving

Thank you all for your replies. I have read them, I haven't had the opportunity to reply. Mum knows what I will and won't do, and to be honest in a way I am more concerned about supporting her because, I hope, her final years will be happier ones. Although she sometimes says things in an expectation-sort-of-way, I think she would be horrified if she knew I felt like that. I worry about the pressure she lives with and try to help where I can. She helps me enormously, and in many ways the least I can do is support her by supporting my Dad.
My siblings won't help. That's not an option. 
Fortuitously I have been rather unwell for the past week and so have not been able to visit, which has helped. I am hoping that has set a precedent. We will see. I do need to set boundaries. 
@connors07 my siblings tell me I need to be colder, all of the time but I just wouldn't do that. I have always said that I do not want to be sat at his funeral, wishing I had tried harder and wishing I had spent more time with him, because I would never  forgive myself. You're not alone, and it seems, neither am I. Our good hearts are our enemy at times.