New parents- how do you control feeling overwhelmed?

BrassicWoman

Retireby40 said:

Unfortunately where we live there are very few brits and without sounding rude the majority that are close by tend to be in their 60s or 70s. So it isn't really suitable.

I think the wisdom of the ages may be JUST what you need!

Retireby40

BrassicWoman said:

Retireby40 said:

Unfortunately where we live there are very few brits and without sounding rude the majority that are close by tend to be in their 60s or 70s. So it isn't really suitable.

I think the wisdom of the ages may be JUST what you need!

Feel free to pass on any wisdom you know. I'm all ears.

Mojisola

Retireby40 said:

Unfortunately where we live there are very few brits and without sounding rude the majority that are close by tend to be in their 60s or 70s. So it isn't really suitable.

At the moment, you're not looking for lifelong friends, just contact with some people that will relieve stresses and help you relax and cope with your pressured life.

Would it help if you thought as these older people as surrogate aunts and uncles?  Some of them may have lived through what you're dealing with and could share their experiences.

sheramber

Your work/life balance is more a problem than the baby, since you spend so little time  not working.

Also, babies take over your life for the first year.Everything  revolves  around them and their needs.

Organise a skype  or facetime call with your family and friends. 
My son lives abroad and I had not seen him for over 2 years until earlier this month. Unfortunately, his partner caught covid so an unexpected  weekend visit became one night as they did not want to stay with me in case I caught covid. They moved in with a work colleague whom they had been with all week for meetings. So she had already been exposed to the same contacts.

But we regularly facetime to keep in contact until we can meet up again.

Racky_Roo

Have you heard of Meetup? there might be some groups in your area. Not sure if you speak the local language well but if not, maybe some classes would help give you confidence and help you meet people in a similar situation

teaandcupcakesplease

sk2402005 said:

Unfortunatly what you have found is the reaility of children, they take over your entire life.

My wifes parents etc live 2+hrs away, and my local support network is completely non existent, not in the fact that they are not there, just that they are not interested and no help at all.

My wife and i pretty much go alone, where we both work (inc weekends somtimes), my son has only stayed at grandmas etc maybe 5 times in the last 7 years, we have had him 100% other than school.

However no major complaints from me, im happy, we have managed, im afraid really you just need to suck it up, your past life no longer exists, and wont for some years to come

I think a lot of parents if fruthfull regret having kids.

this is harsh. The OP isn't living in the past the op is lonely hasn't seen friends and family for 3 years and lets be honest Covid has been grim. when you are feeling down things are magnified. 

Retireby40

teaandcupcakesplease said:

sk2402005 said:

Unfortunatly what you have found is the reaility of children, they take over your entire life.

My wifes parents etc live 2+hrs away, and my local support network is completely non existent, not in the fact that they are not there, just that they are not interested and no help at all.

My wife and i pretty much go alone, where we both work (inc weekends somtimes), my son has only stayed at grandmas etc maybe 5 times in the last 7 years, we have had him 100% other than school.

However no major complaints from me, im happy, we have managed, im afraid really you just need to suck it up, your past life no longer exists, and wont for some years to come

I think a lot of parents if fruthfull regret having kids.

this is harsh. The OP isn't living in the past the op is lonely hasn't seen friends and family for 3 years and lets be honest Covid has been grim. when you are feeling down things are magnified. 

I see the poster deleted their comment. Shame could have had an interesting chat with them for advice.

tooldle

I can relate to that comment. Having family nearby does not necessarily mean support and assistance is nearby. Our child is now an adult, but I do remember those days of get up, feed and dress baby, take to nursery, rush to work, try to leave work on time, pick up from nursery, home to whip up a meal, bath baby and get them to bed and then try to get other stuff done before repeating it all again the following day.
Two full time jobs and a new born is not easy, but equally it is not impossible. 
Friends in a similar situation to us swore by a couple of nights out each month. The nursery staff were always willing to babysit for an appropriate fee. 
Only you know if what you need is alone time, or couple time without baby, or just to get the three of you away from your day to day environment for a couple of hours respite every now and then.
In the early years a long soak in the bath helped me immensely. 40mins of quiet time without interruptions, restored my balance. These days I go for a swim.
I find getting outside helps me immensely. 

kimwp

Are there any clubs you can join? It's amazing how much difference it makes having something regular every week that you look forward to - it may be worth finishing at a sensible time on one day for something you enjoy.