We’re moving in… Couple… Finances

PurpleGoldFish

This might seems weird and we’re looking for genuine options, advice.

So the other half (Stephen) and I met a year ago and we’ve decided to move in together. 

How do you share finances/income as a couple? 

In my previous relationship, both salaries were combined and the bills deduced, what was left was halved and in our own bank accounts. We felt this allowed us as a couple to share money, but allow us to have some financial independence, with the remaining money in our own accounts. 

In Stephen’s past relationship, they had their own money and each sent 1/2 the bill money to the bills account and finances weren’t shared. 

For me, Stephens option feels like flatmates and we’re not a proper couple and my way feels like a pay cut to Stephen as he gets £200 more than me a month. 

As for a joint account, I don’t like this as I don’t have my own cards and I’d always feel as though I’d need to ask before spending. 

Are there any other options you can think of, that would appease us both? 

Gycraig

Personally 1 year into a relationship Is a bit early for me to be paying my partner 100-200 quid a month for nothing tbh. 

His option makes more sense really, sure when your married or been together ages merge finances, but giving your partner 100-200 quid a month a year in is too soon imo. Why do you think he should pay you 100-200 a month exactly ? 

hangryconsumer

Gycraig said:

Why do you think he should pay you 100-200 a month exactly ? 

Interesting way to look at it. Partner A earns 1000, partner B earns 1200. Total combined 2200, so Partner B earns 4.54% more than partner B. Partner A wouldn't be "paying their partner £200 a month", they would be paying 4.5% more on total household bills. This means that both partners would have the same level of spare income to enjoy a shared lifestyle.

I used to be a strictly 50/50 person but now I'd be swayed by the %income split. You're now one household and if one of you earns more then the other will never be able to afford your shared lifestyle. So your partner would be able to have 4.5% more savings/experiences/holidays than you, because you can't afford to go.

Gycraig

hangryconsumer said:

Gycraig said:

Why do you think he should pay you 100-200 a month exactly ? 

Interesting way to look at it. Partner A earns 1000, partner B earns 1200. Total combined 2200, so Partner B earns 4.54% more than partner B. Partner A wouldn't be "paying their partner £200 a month", they would be paying 4.5% more on total household bills. This means that both partners would have the same level of spare income to enjoy a shared lifestyle.

I used to be a strictly 50/50 person but now I'd be swayed by the %income split. You're now one household and if one of you earns more then the other will never be able to afford your shared lifestyle. So your partner would be able to have 4.5% more savings/experiences/holidays than you, because you can't afford to go.

I’d be fine income splitting further down the line but 1 year in is a little early imo. 

Ultimately Stephen doesn’t want to give his partner 100 quid a month. It’s his money to do what he wants there is no “options” that will get around this fundamentally 

MovingForwards

I never had a joint account with my ex-husband and we were together over 20 years, made it a lot easier when we split.

I've always earned more than my OH, even when working PT. We lived together less than 3 months after our first date and are now approaching our 6th year together.

I wanted to be a homeowner and purchased a property, OH was happy renting. Everything is in my name. I pay for everything to do with the car as it's my choice to own one, on health grounds, although my OH has the benefit of it.

Each month OH sends me money to cover his share of the utilities, extra CT etc. Food is done by whoever is going shopping, takeaway is paid for by the person who suggested it.
- When in work he sends me more money as he doesn't think he contributes enough based on my numbers and I'm free to do what I want with it.
- When he's not working, I still get sent some of his JSA. 

Each job change / loss of job we have a quick chat to see if the numbers work for my OH.

OJ does the housework due to my health, most of my energy is used working.

We share a life, a home, a bed, laughs and jokes. He comforts me when I'm screaming and crying in pain, I cuddle him as he drifts off to sleep.

Just because we don't have a joint account, it doesn't make us any less of a couple. 

[Deleted User]

I don't think there's a definitive - it's whichever you both feel comfortable with. I think my dh and I are very unusual for our age. We are heading towards 40 and been together since 19. We got engaged after 3 months when I was a student and dh had gone straight in to work. We were married at 21 and combined finances straight away in one joint bank account. Mainly because we had so little that it made sense! We were a team working through very little. Over time dh has been made redundant, we had two children very young and I worked p/t then f/t, each one of us supporting the joint bank account more when we were the stronger party. We have both supported each other's business ventures and my dh is just finishing his degree as a mature student (whilst self employed as well).
It's taken a lot of communication and talks along the way with differing spending habits so there has been some tense conversations but it taught us to compromise and respect each other. When we had very very little we worked together to figure it out and now we are both earning more we are working together to grow our future and where we want to go next.
We don't think about it now - we naturally seem to spend about the same amount on 'personal' spends each month now (wasn't always the case!) and if we are going to look at a larger purchase we give the other a heads up. 
Everyone will have a different take - and ultimately you can always change things as you go if it isn't working. Maybe choose one option for 6 months and then review?

hangryconsumer

Gycraig said:

I’d be fine income splitting further down the line but 1 year in is a little early imo. 

Ultimately Stephen doesn’t want to give his partner 100 quid a month. It’s his money to do what he wants there is no “options” that will get around this fundamentally 

So your opinion is what? That "stephen" should not move in with his partner? That his partner shouldn't let him move in?

I don't think the OP should move in with "stephen" unless she is 100% comfortable with the arrangement otherwise they might as well just stay as they are with their existing living costs. Both of them will benefit by sharing household costs but is that less or more than "stephen" might pay on a % income basis rather than 50/50? Your use of "paying his partner £100" is interesting. They are paying to share household expenses, in the same was that society deems taxes based on percentages to be a fair way to pay for societal expenses. I'd love to pay 50/50 with the poor on societal expenses but THEYCANTAFFORDIT.

london21

In my opinion everything does not have to be split 50/50 but communication is essential.

Generally whoever earns more might pay more.

But if one earns 1000, and the other earns 1200, the difference not too great for one to have to transfer £100 so start off equally.

My thinking is everyone should treat each other fairly.

1 year a bit short but if you both trust each other. 

MalMonroe

Hi, your question - "How do you share finances/income as a couple?"

Speaks volumes about your relationship. You need to TALK!

And that's it. Whatever suits you. Not what a bunch of strangers on this forum advises.

You both need to forget what you did with anyone else in the past. That's all behind both of you now. You're starting out on your own adventure.

I guess I'm just an old romantic and I know it's impractical and I'm the one who ended up with a DRO a few years ago but I'd just say do what seems right for you two after talking about it. If you can't agree then maybe that's a sign that it's not a wise thing to move in together. 

When I got married I never even thought about the impact of finances, or not having them if we split and we just had a joint account. Sadly, 17 years and one child later, we did split. And my ex had the nerve to freeze the joint account. Which really riled me as I was the one left to raise our child and needed the money more than he did. But in a bit of an old fashioned way, although I worked part time, he was the main breadwinner.

Basically, nobody can tell you. If you aren't able to come up with a suitable and workable answer, then you're sunk before you start. Talk to each other. Don't ask us - what do we know?

[Deleted User]

hangryconsumer said:

There's a missing bracket in my post and the MODS DONT GIVE A SHEET. No edit button for the newbie.

Hi,

are you using the wee gear wheel top right of post?

Gycraig

hangryconsumer said:

Gycraig said:

I’d be fine income splitting further down the line but 1 year in is a little early imo. 

Ultimately Stephen doesn’t want to give his partner 100 quid a month. It’s his money to do what he wants there is no “options” that will get around this fundamentally 

So your opinion is what? That "stephen" should not move in with his partner? That his partner shouldn't let him move in?

I don't think the OP should move in with "stephen" unless she is 100% comfortable with the arrangement otherwise they might as well just stay as they are with their existing living costs. Both of them will benefit by sharing household costs but is that less or more than "stephen" might pay on a % income basis rather than 50/50? Your use of "paying his partner £100" is interesting. They are paying to share household expenses, in the same was that society deems taxes based on percentages to be a fair way to pay for societal expenses. I'd love to pay 50/50 with the poor on societal expenses but THEYCANTAFFORDIT.

How do you know he will benefit, maybe Stephen lives with his parents, maybe he lives in a hmo, maybe he lives with 4 friends so has low bills. 

Can’t imagine the cheek of the lower earning partner suggesting the other partner should give her free money every month. 

If they can’t agree on how to split finances no they shouldn’t move in together. 

“Fairest” way is to pay bills in a pot then keep own money, which is what Stephen wants to do.