Please advise on my divorce case

rajesh22

If she also has assets, then you are entitled to half of those too, although when you say she got a large sum of money recently, was that in the last two years AFTER you separated?

Yes, she got the money in Jan'21 and when I applied for the divorce in Aug'21, we both put the start of separation date as Jan'19

You now also have choices. You also have the option to just stop paying the mortgage and tell her it's now her turn? I'm amazed you're still living with this person. Why not give her the responsibility of all bills and mortgage and just go and rent somewhere for 6 months for you and the kids?

Really?  if that is an option. I am ready to do it, it is just a single click in my mobile app to stop the direct debit She is a joint owner in the record, but there is no alternative bank account setup, so she ignores me again with this action, I will lose my credit rating too right?

Moreover, if I do that, my children's life will be disturbed. I am going to wait until the mediation and see what is her expectation. 

But good to know these options.

RAS

rajesh22 said:

She was paying for some extra-curricular activities, even if my children are interested.

The whole of 2020 to early 2021 during the pandemic, I was working from home as well as taking care of children who were doing remote-schooling, and when my wife has to go to work as she cannot work from home.
So children care is not something she has individually taken care of.  
But in the last few months, she is buying a lot of food and snacks for the children, not sure what she is trying to prove.

She started earning in 2013 and in 2015 she wanted to go for a big-budget house and she told that she will also contribute when she earns. With that commitment, I was paying all my salary in the initial years for the mortgage. But after she started earning, she didn't even ask me about my financial pressure.  From Dec 2019, she started paying council tax and energy for her credit rating.  

Again I agree with this, marriage is something in which both need to sacrifice and contribute whatever they can, with either financial or moral support.

Instead, she earns and spends lavishly in front of me. I can see £100 perfumes and branded handbags all over the house.

Of course, legally she can buy whatever she wants, but my concern was, I spent 90% of my salary on UK travel, visa, education, food, rent, holidays etc. 

Also, she got a huge lump sum of money from her parents recently and started buying a remote shared property without my consent. My son told me about the shared property investments which mum is buying.

As she is entitled to half of all the assets in either of your names, then I would be super nice and think carefully what a sensible offer would be. 

The only concern is the money which my father earned (which can be proved), should be shared with my sisters too.

 A few random thoughts.

For a start your wife did not need your consent to buy another house, particularly with money from her parents. It would have very much been in your interests now you are trying to sort out a financial settlement if she also owned fixed assets abroad as you could trade half the value of that property against your portfolio.

It may be that she's learned her lessons and is now investing in portable assets like designer goods and jewellery?Much easier to hide than cars and houses. But also possible assets to be considered.

It might be worth pointing out at the mediation that she has earned somewhere in the region of £xxxK in the last decade and apparently has nothing to show for it? Whilst you've earned £xxxk  and have put almost everything into the house and family costs? So where has her income gone over these years?

Also, given that previous attempt to buy abroad is there any chance she might up sticks after the divorce, trade on her UK employment and move abroad? If so, you might want to consider a Prohibited Steps Order regarding your younger child.

I suspect that you are going to find it very hard to get a UK judge to accept your obligation to your sisters. 

Do bear in mind however that you can agree a financial settlement and send it to the judge, at a small cost. Or you can fight tooth and nail and both end up a lot poorer.

rajesh22

For a start your wife did not need your consent to buy another house, particularly with money from her parents. It would have very much been in your interests now you are trying to sort out a financial settlement if she also owned fixed assets abroad as you could trade half the value of that property against your portfolio.

Oh is it?  I thought any big financial decision has to be transparent between couples.
Especially when we own a joint home, in case her property/business went into loss, wouldn't the house be at risk?

It may be that she's learned her lessons and is now investing in portable assets like designer goods and jewellery?Much easier to hide than cars and houses. But also possible assets to be considered.

Yes, even her bank statements show £300+ purchases for clothes frequently, I suspect she buys for her friends and later they give the money.  She has also bought a lot of food/snacks for the past few months, not sure whether this is for showing the children maintenance with a high value?
For now, I am not going to dig into it, as my compensation will be around £100k figure
But if the court considers these points, I would not be disappointed.

It might be worth pointing out at the mediation that she has earned somewhere in the region of £xxxK in the last decade and apparently has nothing to show for it? Whilst you've earned £xxxk  and have put almost everything into the house and family costs? So where has her income gone over these years?

Even my solicitor highlighted this point, but we didn't get much of a clear response.  Rather they just showed the statement which shows a lot of entries as expenses. Mostly are not essential, but we could not go into detail to ask why she bought those things.

Also, given that previous attempt to buy abroad is there any chance she might up sticks after the divorce, trade on her UK employment and move abroad? If so, you might want to consider a Prohibited Steps Order regarding your younger child.

Nope, she was trying to buy somewhere in the UK. I am 100% sure she won't go back to India. She is living such a sophicated life so she will never think of that.

I suspect that you are going to find it very hard to get a UK judge to accept your obligation to your sisters. 

That is worrying

Do bear in mind however that you can agree a financial settlement and send it to the judge, at a small cost. Or you can fight tooth and nail and both end up a lot poorer.

Well said!  This is exactly what I was saying to her that we can solve many things which can profit both, instead of spending time, money effort and get less finally.

theoretica

The starting point is that all assets are considered, and shared 50:50 on the total, not each one split in half.  If the value of what your father put into your name is small compared to the rest it might be easy to agree that becomes part of your share.

Lavendyr

You need a family solicitor. 

MalMonroe

Lavendyr said:

You need a family solicitor. 

I agree. And as soon as possible. 

There is much to be sorted out and when children are involved, their care and welfare must come first. They've probably already been adversely affected by the arrangement of staying in the same property when their parents have separated/divorced. 

Please ask your children what they would like and don't just 'go and rent somewhere for six months, you and the kids'. What do they actually WANT? They're probably fed up to the back teeth of everything that's been going on. 

rajesh22

Lavendyr said:

You need a family solicitor. 

The family solicitor is in my case since August 2021, I paid around £5k already,  but so far we applied for divorce, got the Decree Nisi, filled Form-Es and responded to questions.  Now at the last minute, my ex wants to go for mediation, and I am going to do this week.

Lavendyr

If you have a solicitor then I'm not sure what you think you might gain from this forum. Your solicitor can advise you best. It's a complex situation. I wish you well.

rajesh22

Lavendyr said:

If you have a solicitor then I'm not sure what you think you might gain from this forum. Your solicitor can advise you best. It's a complex situation. I wish you well.

From my solicitor, I couldn't get any proactive legal advice for me to relieve the current pressure.  
They address one thing at a time and proceeds very slowly during the Form-E and divorce application process, but gets the fees as per the hours worked
I can't change my solicitor at this stage, as it will take time, money and effort to start from square1.
So I came to this forum to get a completely different angle idea or someone's experience, which might help me to act accordingly.
Thank you for your wishes.

deannagone

You could try this forum https://divorce.wikivorce.com/forum-index.  It is set up to specifically advise on divorce issues.