Help me sort out my kids.....please

Merlot

Mrs7ones wrote: »

Thanks all - i know it isn't just my family, but when I go to work then come home in time to be there for them from school, cook a family meal, make sure they (and their clothes etc) are clean and warm, and all i get in return in grief, it makes me cry.

They can be physical too - especially the little one. He kicks his sister, and I won't allow this, but I just get ignorred!

We eat at the dining room table as a family every night, and meal times can be so stressfull, what with kicking under the table and face pulling etc. It sometimes gets to me so much that I end up not eating
thanks again for replying.......

Mrs7ones, it's not just your kids, I have two very close in age, DD 10, DS 9, and whilst they are absolute angels at time, other times they are fighting, kicking, screaming at each other.

I would say though, at 15 years old, I would expect your DS to have grown out of this a wee bit, and to set a good example to the younger DS, he is probably encouraging the younger DS, I think if you tackled his behaviour, can your DS (15) get a Saturday job? give him some more responsibility, he may just grown up a wee bit and your other DS would probably settle down a little, as far as your DD, their extremely hormonal at that age I am finding, I simply said to my daughter this morning when she couldn't find her bobble, "you're a bit forgetful, just like your dad", she burst into tears , I feel terrible now, for what though I'm not sure.

I think by the sounds of your post, you feel a little unappreciated, so do I, I give my children chore list to help me out now, and I sometimes take the day off from housework, ironing etc, as i have done today, I have not made a bed, empty the dishwasher, emptied the bin, anything yet, and I don't intend too either, make time for yourself, and you will feel better, just close your eyes to the mess, it works wonders.

Kids eh? I didn't realise for one moment, life would be as tough as this, would I change it? Not at the moment..but I'll get back to you on that one when they are both teenagers!

3KIDSNOMONEY

You are definitely not alone.

My three are always arguing/fighting and it gets me down sometimes when i see other kids hugging and playing with their brothers and sisters. I posted along similar lines recently and got told that most families are like mine. Kids just don't appreciate what they have including their families who are really important.

Sorry, can't offer any constructive advice as don't know what to do about my own three (and one on the way).

Mrs7ones

Merlot wrote: »

Mrs7ones, it's not just your kids, I have two very close in age, DD 10, DS 9, and whilst they are absolute angels at time, other times they are fighting, kicking, screaming at each other.

I would say though, at 15 years old, I would expect your DS to have grown out of this a wee bit, and to set a good example to the younger DS, he is probably encouraging the younger DS, I think if you tackled his behaviour, can your DS (15) get a Saturday job? give him some more responsibility, he may just grown up a wee bit and your other DS would probably settle down a little, as far as your DD, their extremely hormonal at that age I am finding, I simply said to my daughter this morning when she couldn't find her bobble, "you're a bit forgetful, just like your dad", she burst into tears , I feel terrible now, for what though I'm not sure.

I think by the sounds of your post, you feel a little unappreciated, so do I, I give my children chore list to help me out now, and I sometimes take the day off from housework, ironing etc, as i have done today, I have not made a bed, empty the dishwasher, emptied the bin, anything yet, and I don't intend too either, make time for yourself, and you will feel better, just close your eyes to the mess, it works wonders.

Kids eh? I didn't realise for one moment, life would be as tough as this, would I change it? Not at the moment..but I'll get back to you on that one when they are both teenagers!

Your post says so much....
You are right, I feel completely unapprecuated..... they do nothing for me... but then, my own fault, I ask them to do nothing:rolleyes: ........
A chore list would be good - to give them a little responsibility as you say... any suggestions what they could do? The eldest already empties bins and sets/clears the table, but that's all. (it's his pocket money job) (he can't get a weekend job unfortunately cos he visits his Dad - my 1st husband, on alternate weekends)

As for him knowing better - you are right there too - he should. He's so sensible and grown up in everything else apart from his behaviour towards DD.
When I tackle him about it, all I get is ''she's like that to me so why should I have to shut up and put up with it?''....................

tosca5

Mrs7ones wrote: »

A chore list would be good - to give them a little responsibility as you say... any suggestions what they could do? The eldest already empties bins and sets/clears the table, but that's all. (it's his pocket money job)

Does he make his own bed, take down his laundry?
What about getting him to hoover his room/ stairs, polish, just little things that will be a help to you.

Becles

Mrs7ones wrote: »

We eat at the dining room table as a family every night, and meal times can be so stressfull, what with kicking under the table and face pulling etc. It sometimes gets to me so much that I end up not eating!

Tell them if they are going to behave like toddlers, then you will treat them like toddlers. Serve their meals cut up on plastic plates and make them wear bibs :rotfl: The shock of actually carrying out that threat might bring them to their senses.

My 8 year old kept mucking about in the bathroom delaying teeth cleaning to put off bedtime. One night I had enough and grabbed him, and cleaned his teeth for him. He was horrified, but I said if he chose to behave like a toddler he'd be treat like a toddler. It worked and he's never messed around in the bathroom since!

Soubrette

I (try very hard) do not make threats that I am not going to carry through. So anything involving no Christmas presents would be impossible to me - I'd cave totally :rolleyes:

If my two are misbehaving then they go straight to their rooms until they can behave sensibly. I've given up on trying to sort out who started it, who's most at fault etc. If it's in the middle of a meal then they miss out on their meal.

Totally hard, me

Sou

vixarooni

I know this might sound a bit, i dunno what, but i think you need to turn into Mother !!!!! instead of Mother push over. If they are sitting at a table fighting and you tell them to stop it and then they ignore you and you walk off not eating, that makes them feel they have won and they can do anything they like. That is how i would see it. If my brother and i did that, my mother or father would be all hells blaising, and when they say it they bloody meant it, and i knew that. You just gotta put your foot down, no more mr nice guy as they say. They may sulk about it but what child never does!

also at 15 you want your own privacy, masturbation, sex, girls, ect is number one on your agenda isnt it, he probably wants private time do do that sorta thing without his uncool younger siblings around him. As for the younger ones, there just excitable and probably did what i did and wind them up for a bit of fun!

Hoped i offered something, im only 21 so i still get shouted at and i can remember like it was yesterday going through the same thing as a child!

Gingham_Ribbon

This book is absolutely fantastic - it was recommended to me by my GP. Siblings without rivalry. Mine are too small to know if it will work long term but I think the principles behind it are sound. It's about reducing jealousy, not comparing them, when to step in and when not to etc.

You can read parts of it in the above link by clicking on the picture of the book and then skipping through the pages.