Help me sort out my kids.....please

Mrs7ones

I have 3 kids, DS1 is 15, DD1 is 10 and DS2 is 6.
Individually, they are good kids.
DS1 is doing fantastically well at school and doesn't cause us any 'out of school' problems at all. He is a pleasant, mature teenager.
DD1 can be a handfull - she's a typical 'hormonal' girl.... but generally happy in herself and can be a darling
DS2 is just an absolute chutie.

The problem is how they get on together.
I know that siblings very oftern don't get on, but our house is like a war zone.
The 2 boys gang up on DD and can be very very nasty. Then she retaliates equally as nastily...
The problem is that they are at it constantly. And it's wearing me down.
Both me and DH have asked, told and insisted that they pack it in, but it makes no difference. Punishments don't work - they take the punishment and just carry on......
Our house is hell at the moment.

What can we do?

floss2

Maybe threaten that Santa won't be coming?

I must admit that when I was younger, me & my brothers were similar....3 & 5 yrs older than me, and another 7yrs younger....only girl....

Has the older lad discovered girls yet? He may suddenly drop his little bro....also, has he got GCSE's next summer? Maybe he's just hanging onto his childhood a bit - it must be hard being the eldest, as he has to grow up first....

Becles

My two boys go through phases when they hate each other and fight constantly. Yesterday morning they were supposed to be getting washing and dressed, but ended up having a physical fight on the landing and one got pushed down the stairs. It's always over trivial things too - like "he's got my car" or "he said I fancy Katy". The one I hate hearing is "Mam says..." when I haven't even said anything about the subject!

I find splitting them up works best. They get sent to their rooms to cool down. Occasionally this doesn't work as they shout stuff at each other through the bedroom wall, so I have one in an upstairs room and the other has to stay in a downstairs room.

They also get banned from things they like doing. Yesterday they were banned from all electronic stuff after school, so there was no TV, PS2, PC etc. Although they hated each other in the morning, by the time they came in from school they were best friends. They got a board game out and played nicely with it.

Alikay

Are you sure it's any worse in your house than any other family with 2 or more kids? I was an only child and so when my 3 children (now 19,16 and 13) were little and started squabbling I got very upset about it. I now know it's perfectly normal...they're just 3 individuals who all want unlimited access to the same resources (parental time, TV, toys, house-room, control etc, etc). I tried to let them find a solution, but given the differences in age and maturity that didn't always work - the eldest one was bigger, more articulate and well....craftier! The younger one grizzled and whinged. Middle one (the common enemy) was downright sly at times and needled just for the fun of it.

They always seemed to "bond" and get along better when we went away camping and were worse at the start of any school holiday at home...something to do with establishing their own hierarchy and acceptable behaviours I think. Anyhow, I just learned to treat them fairly (different to "the same"), referee when things got really nasty, take all the tale-telling with a pinch of salt and never underestimate the determination to get one over each other!!

Now they're teenagers it's great to see what a strong relationship they have with each other, independently of DH and me and that will hopefully last a lifetime. And yes, they still fight!!

Mrs7ones

Thanks all - i know it isn't just my family, but when I go to work then come home in time to be there for them from school, cook a family meal, make sure they (and their clothes etc) are clean and warm, and all i get in return in grief, it makes me cry.

They can be physical too - especially the little one. He kicks his sister, and I won't allow this, but I just get ignorred!

We eat at the dining room table as a family every night, and meal times can be so stressfull, what with kicking under the table and face pulling etc. It sometimes gets to me so much that I end up not eating!

thanks again for replying.......

tosca5

I used to think it was just my teenagers who constantly fought and argued, i hear so much of this in families now. It does wear you down and reduces you to tears sometimes and all i ever hear is 'they'll be best mates when their older', great that's after they've totally turned my hair grey.
There's not much we can do, i tell them how it makes me feel but it goes in one ear and out the other. I'm learning to switch off from the arguements but not the physical fighting.

shazrobo

my two argue and bicker constantly when they are together, mine are twin boys aged 12, and i honestly thought it was a twin thing, so i'm glad to hear my family is normal, well almost lol.
dont know what to suggest other than splitting them up some of the time, like becles i'll sometimes have one upstairs and one downstairs to keep them separated.
have also found they fight most when upsevised, so i try to find activities for them to do where i'm able to stay in the same room, to keep an eye on them

pinkshoes

Tell them that unless they can be civil to each other for the next 2 weeks with NO squabbling/bickering/fighting whatsoever, then you'll be returning all their christmas presents, and donating the money to children in Africa who will appreciate the money far more than they will.

Sit them all down, and by all means cry and shout at them, as maybe if they see how much they're upsetting you, they'll make an effort.

Me and my brother (he's 20 months younger) used to fight LOTS, usually screaming, shouting and physical fights. We did make more of an effort when we saw that it was really upsetting our parents.

Perhaps involve them in tasks together i.e. cooking a meal, washing up, washing cars...

Alikay

Yes, the physical fighting can be VERY wearing - particularly if, like mine they fought in the car:eek:. I tend to use entire-family punishments for that...."Well, if I can't trust you to sort what you all want to do nicely, we'll all do what I want to do....." So removal of all technology (PS2's, computer, mobile phones etc) and collective watching of wildlife documentaries, listening to Wagner or family trips to Allied Carpets!

tosca5

Alikay wrote: »

So removal of all technology (PS2's, computer, mobile phones etc) and collective watching of wildlife documentaries, listening to Wagner or family trips to Allied Carpets!

I have found removing their console, tv etc is worse! They fight non-stop as they've nothing to do. And trying to involve them in activities as a family is a nightmare. It's a no win situation most of the time.

Mrs7ones

We're currently on a '3 srikes and you're out' warning.
3 strikes and it's no electronics till christmas.

the thing is, the elsedst just doesn't take me seriously. He thinks the punishment is just for the 'kids'! I'll show him though................:rotfl: