Concern for a friend

987nice

Hi, hope this is the correct place to post.
Just looking for some advice for a friend (it really is for a friend and not me!)

It's a sad situation that could almost be a movie plot

My friends situation:

Been married for 30+ years & have family together.
Both retired.
Own their home in joint names and both have other properties in their own names. (Rented out)
They have nothing else joint, bank account is used for bills she says & is almost empty.
She has no idea what's in his bank accounts as he is extremely secretive (& I think he spins her stories constantly. He hides EVERYTHING)

We all suspect that her husband basically has a secret life & possibly has purchased property abroad. (Personally I think everything points to him having a partner there too!)
They almost live separate lives & I wouldn't describe them as really married/a couple anymore.

Recently his behaviour seems more desperate (for money) he's now asked her to sell their joint home as he wants to move overseas.... alone!

I have told her she should probably seek legal advice but I don't think she sees what we all see.
Others have advised her that she is being taken for a mug.

I suspect he will talk her into a sale and keep the money (he done exactly this recently with a different property they sold)
I think he would then leave the country & not return again.

Is there anything my friend can do?
Any advice you would give?
Assuming she will listen for once before he leaves her with nothing.

Keep_pedalling

She should consult a family law solicitor.

Ms_Chocaholic

She definitely needs to go to a family solicitor, check the Law Society website for solicitors who specialise in family law in your area.  She will get a free 30 minute consultation so suggest she does that.

Where is she proposing she will live if they sell the house.

tacpot12

I would advise her that she should:

• sign nothing without taking legal advice
• check the title on her home to see if her husband has borrowed any money against the property
• put a restriction on the title of her home. This costs £40. See Protect your land and property from fraud - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk) 

I would advise you to put an alert on her home at the Land Registry. Use this link: HM Land Registry - Property Alert
You don't need to own the property, or have any interest in it, to be alerted if the Land Registy receives any requests to lend money against the property.

I don't think you will be successful in persuading her that he is anything other than a loving husband, but I think you need to persaude her that her best interests require her to retain half the equity in the house, and that insisting on this is not being disloyal to her husband. 

987nice

He didn't propose anything, literally sat her down & said he wanted to move away, he didn't give her an option to go with.

The next day he proposed selling the house to fund 'the rest of his life'
& she just sits there taking this in!! 😡

I suspect he has his assets well hidden (I'd guess he's planned this for 10-15 years) and she will be forced to hand over half of everything she has while he claims to have nothing.
(I think he owns property overseas already)

I've tried telling her this day would come & tried advising her to stop giving him money but I really think he plans to take everything this time & go.

She doesn't want to sell her home & it's in joint names. 
I don't think he would like lawyers poking about his buisness/finances so I think the threat would be enough for him just to go & not rip her off further..... but I still don't think she will seek advice.

Have offered to make the appointments & take her there. I'm so sad for her & angry that someone can do this.

elsien

He can only do it if she lets him. 

She has to take some responsibility for herself.
Where is she planning to live if she agrees to go ahead with the sale? 

987nice

tacpot12 said:

I would advise her that she should:

• sign nothing without taking legal advice
• check the title on her home to see if her husband has borrowed any money against the property
• put a restriction on the title of her home. This costs £40. See 

I would advise you to put an alert on her home at the Land Registry. Use this link: 
You don't need to own the property, or have any interest in it, to be alerted if the Land Registy receives any requests to lend money against the property.

I don't think you will be successful in persuading her that he is anything other than a loving husband, but I think you need to persaude her that her best interests require her to retain half the equity in the house, and that insisting on this is not being disloyal to her husband. 

Thank You - I should have mentioned they are in Scotland?
The land registry isn't the same is it? 

MovingForwards

987nice said:

tacpot12 said:

I would advise her that she should:

• sign nothing without taking legal advice
• check the title on her home to see if her husband has borrowed any money against the property
• put a restriction on the title of her home. This costs £40. See 

I would advise you to put an alert on her home at the Land Registry. Use this link: 
You don't need to own the property, or have any interest in it, to be alerted if the Land Registy receives any requests to lend money against the property.

I don't think you will be successful in persuading her that he is anything other than a loving husband, but I think you need to persaude her that her best interests require her to retain half the equity in the house, and that insisting on this is not being disloyal to her husband. 

Thank You - I should have mentioned they are in Scotland?
The land registry isn't the same is it? 

Same process, just use the RoS link (Scottish Land Registry), it's £3.60 as they add VAT on.

https://www.ros.gov.uk/services/search-property-information

london21

He is taking advantage of her.
She will need legal assistant and should refuse to sign anything going forward.

If he is selling assets why is she not getting anything, seems he has left the relationship. 

MalMonroe

Your friend may be suffering from clinical depression. It very much sounds like it to me. In which case, she won't have any interest in what's happening - and it seems to be that a lot is happening and her husband is being completely unreasonable.

A good first step may be to try to encourage her to see her GP. While she's not feeling good she really won't be able to take in what exactly is going on. 

As others have said, your friend definitely does need some legal advice too. 

Would her grown up children be able to help her in any way? I think they might want to be involved, I know I would if it were my parents. After all, their parents are about to split up and their dad wants to go and live in another country. All major happenings for any family.

You cannot live your friend's life for her. But you can encourage her to see her family and talk with them. And be a good supportive friend - which it does sound like you are - but you can't force her to do anything. 

Pollycat

MalMonroe said:

Your friend may be suffering from clinical depression. It very much sounds like it to me. In which case, she won't have any interest in what's happening - and it seems to be that a lot is happening and her husband is being completely unreasonable.

A good first step may be to try to encourage her to see her GP. While she's not feeling good she really won't be able to take in what exactly is going on. 

As others have said, your friend definitely does need some legal advice too. 

Would her grown up children be able to help her in any way? I think they might want to be involved, I know I would if it were my parents. After all, their parents are about to split up and their dad wants to go and live in another country. All major happenings for any family.

You cannot live your friend's life for her. But you can encourage her to see her family and talk with them. And be a good supportive friend - which it does sound like you are - but you can't force her to do anything. 

I don't see anything in the original post that suggests or supports a potential diagnosis of clinical depression.

From the original post:

I have told her she should probably seek legal advice but I don't think she sees what we all see.
Others have advised her that she is being taken for a mug.

To me, it sounds like the OP's friend does not want to believe what her friends are telling her about her husband.
There's a vast difference between clinical depression and not wanting to believe the worst of your husband of many years.

Maybe the OP could come back and tell us what his/her friend's children think about this situation..
Aren't they concerned about their Mum?

Posters have suggested she needs legal advice.
She does - but until she takes notice of her friends and seeks that advice, nobody can help her 'before he leaves her with nothing'.