Paid for a tow truck should I expect this money back.

Vapegirlclouds

Hello,
We went on a family trip to London 2 years ago.
We're based in Wales.
On the way home, my sister broke down on the motorway, she managed to pull into services but the car had died.
We were still in England at this point.
My sister didn't have breakdown cover.
She was obviously hysterical.
In the end We paid £500 on a high interest credit card as that was all that we had so that she could get home.
I managed to find a company willing to come to England to get her & take her back to Wales.
We arranged for the tow truck, paid £500 for it & waited until it came for her.

We even ended up having a £60 fine for overstaying in the car park of ther service station.
Thankfully they cancelled that when we explained  what had happened. 

Before this, my sister would call weekly for dinner, after this almost all contact stopped.
We saw her at my husbands fathers funeral & she said that she knows she still owes us money.
We have never put pressure or asked outright. At the funeral we said not to worry & £5 a month would be fine if she could afford it.
She doesn't work so I know money is tight on UC.
I'm disabled work a 40 hour week, receive  full PIP due to multiple health issues. My husband has long covid & will be going to no pay within the next few months.
They're very careful when we see them about what they say to us & she always pleads poverty.
My mum said that sister had bought a hot tub & was thoroughly enjoying it.
Obviously she is entitled to do what she wants.
This has now started to grate on me.
I'm very mild tempered  & my sister is incredibly volatile & highly strung with alcohol dependency. 

We finished paying off the credit card October last year.

Money is incredibly tight & it is assumed that we're made of money because we work. We live in a council house, have no savings & money is really very tight.

A bus in front of us had no brake lights, my husband had to pull quickly into another lane on the motorway & she followed us then her clutch went.
I'm convinced that she blames my husbands driving for her clutch going & so it's our fault & she doesn't have to pay us back.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting this money back at some point?
Thanks!

Malthusian

Am I being unreasonable for wanting this money back at some point?

No, just unrealistic. Write it off.

The alternative is to go the legal route (final demand, Moneyclaim aka small claims court, etc). But that risks good throwing money after bad and would certainly add even more stress when your post suggests you want to avoid that.

From the information in your post there seems a good chance she would qualify for a Debt Relief Order if she applied for one, which essentially means that repaying any money she has borrowed is entirely voluntary, and taking her to court is even more pointless. You may as well forget about it and treat it as a nice surprise if she ever decides to pay it back.

TripleH

No, you're not being unreasonable.

It sounds like she is trying to find fault or others to blame than accept poor maintenance is a possible reason the clutch went.

You need to decide what outcome you want. I don't think your sister believes she should pay the money back.

It seems you can write off the debt, but I'd minimise contact with her sadly as you shouldn't have to support her. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you.

Or you can pursue the debt with her, this is not easy as it sounds like there is little evidence to support a legal claim plus she may well sour relations within your family.

It's not fair on you, but I cannot see many other options.

If your sister does want back in your life, then she knows the price to pay.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Vapegirlclouds said:

Hello,
We went on a family trip to London 2 years ago.
We're based in Wales.
On the way home, my sister broke down on the motorway, she managed to pull into services but the car had died.
We were still in England at this point.
My sister didn't have breakdown cover.
She was obviously hysterical.
In the end We paid £500 on a high interest credit card as that was all that we had so that she could get home.
I managed to find a company willing to come to England to get her & take her back to Wales.
We arranged for the tow truck, paid £500 for it & waited until it came for her.

We even ended up having a £60 fine for overstaying in the car park of ther service station.
Thankfully they cancelled that when we explained  what had happened. 

Before this, my sister would call weekly for dinner, after this almost all contact stopped.
We saw her at my husbands fathers funeral & she said that she knows she still owes us money.
We have never put pressure or asked outright. At the funeral we said not to worry & £5 a month would be fine if she could afford it.
She doesn't work so I know money is tight on UC.
I'm disabled work a 40 hour week, receive  full PIP due to multiple health issues. My husband has long covid & will be going to no pay within the next few months.
They're very careful when we see them about what they say to us & she always pleads poverty.
My mum said that sister had bought a hot tub & was thoroughly enjoying it.
Obviously she is entitled to do what she wants.
This has now started to grate on me.
I'm very mild tempered  & my sister is incredibly volatile & highly strung with alcohol dependency. 

We finished paying off the credit card October last year.

Money is incredibly tight & it is assumed that we're made of money because we work. We live in a council house, have no savings & money is really very tight.

A bus in front of us had no brake lights, my husband had to pull quickly into another lane on the motorway & she followed us then her clutch went.
I'm convinced that she blames my husbands driving for her clutch going & so it's our fault & she doesn't have to pay us back.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting this money back at some point?
Thanks!

Its not unreasonable of you however its been 2 years. I'd personally write it off and never lend money out again. 

What would have been a better option would have been to set up a repayment plan with her at the time. Hind sight and all of that sadly. 

I hope your husband feels better soon 

wilfred30

IMO, no you're not being unreasonable.  This is a prime example of 'you can choose your friends, but not your family'.

If, as you say, she acknowledged her debt to you but then subsequently went on to buy a hot tub, I'd be absolutely fuming.

I would either take her to the Small Claims Court or have nothing further to do with her.

pinkshoes

Just send her a nice email saying that you're not expecting her to pay the money back in one go, but money is very tight at the moment, so a payment of £5 a week would be really helpful.

Include your bank details and leave it at that. If she chooses not to pay such a small amount each week then it shows she doesn't think much of your relationship. 

Did you by any chance pay the lions share of this trip to London?

london21

You are not been unreasonable.

Money and family sometimes do not go together for some.

It has been 2 years, might be better off writing it off.

You can demand to have the money back but might damage your relationship with her. 

T.T.D

I think you should write it off/life lesson, lend no money and let her live with her own guilt of the situation.

You’re comment at the bottom about the clutch seems out of context for me compared to the rest of the post. 

Someone, as you say that has alcohol dependency should not be driving. 

Clutches don’t go through poor maintenance it’s not a maintenance item but a perishable item, it’s not like like putting in oil and antifreeze to keep it going for life. It’s a friction materials items that wears down over time. 

Although poor clutch control can speed up the wear or poor fitment usually causes catastrophic clutch failure shortly after a clutch change.

Surrounding supportive components such as clutch slave and master cylinders require fluid to be maintained as so there isn’t water or thinned out fluids causing the seals to perish rust to develop internally over time and cause leaking or seizing of them, they are usually run from brake fluid and part of the brake system reservoir, poor maintenance of the fluid would usually see braking issues such as brake fade, spongy brake, light clutch pedal long before a master or slave failure or leak, an emergency braking situation can then cause failure of the supporting components, but only a fool would drive their car in this condition and again the car would be giving the driver these symptoms of faults and pending failures long before this happens. 

Her car her responsibilities. If she was following you behind then she is responsible for her actions and decisions.

I understand that now your in a pinch you want the same level courtesy offered back to you in return, but you must take note not everyone invests the same amount dedication even within siblings. 

I would simply write it off and state to her that your not willing to offer the same level of assistance to her in the future as you have in the past, that when in any other scenario or she breaks down with no recovery and facing ££££ in recovery and repairs and no way of paying, the car stays where it is until she can afford its recovery and repairs. Invest the same as she is investing into your relationship. 

Although if alcohol dependency is again I would not condone her driving and I would encourage her to get treatment or face you reporting her to DVLA and have her licence revoked. 

I’m saddened by your situation I hope your husband can apply for supportive DWP Benefits and assistance and wish him a speedy recovery and you good luck. 

Andthen07

Letter before action then the small claims court. 

A lesson needs to be learnt.

Chris_English

You're definitely not being unreasonable; your sister is, as shown by frivolous spending ahead of repaying you, but as you say, she probably doesn't see it this way, thinking that you don't need the money (despite it being yours, of course.)

I think that the best way forward without ending up damaging your relationship any more than you have to would be to have a quiet word in person, tell her that you are struggling, and ask if she's able to pay the money back. If she says no then you've probably got to let it go, and you've learned a painful lesson about how she views you as opposed to how she feels about having a hot tub.

If she says yes, then you should agree very clearly when that will be, in a way that you both understand. Without an agreed date it's all too easy for her to mentally think it's going to be settled, but then never do anyting about it.

Good luck.

kezzygirl

You work 40hrs a week and get full pip?