Mortgage free in Forever Home :-)

KajiKita

Well today reached a new low …. 

I deliberately went in early (got in for about 7am) as I really, really wanted to get a plan drafted for a big project I have to lead in October. I have been quite stressed about this, got majorly blocked about it yesterday and almost had a panic attack (I think). Also, a key requirement to get it done by today from that hideous PDA from a few weeks ago. Started settling into it and finally started getting some flow on it when …

Boss started with peck, peck, peck at me on a major product issue from within 10 minutes of me coming on site. I had some of the answers but not all (one of my team is leading on it - boss knows this but was asking the questions before the team member came into work) and he wasn’t happy that I didn’t have every scrap of information. One of my team who was sat in the area at the time, commented as they went home at the end of the day, that they didn’t understand why boss kept ‘at me with questions 
as once you don’t know, you don’t know’ ….

Then we had a call with a supplier on a very contentious issue. Supplier loosely evidenced that the variation in our expectation and theirs was due to *us* not having the current spec …. We needed the parts reworked to use to eliminate them as a possible root cause of a major line stop … and you could feel the barriers coming up …. I said, let’s discuss rework costs - conversation started moving again. Boss Teams me to say ‘I will not pay for any rework’ - for context, this is the same issue that he’s had me contacting our internal global research centre in Switzerland about and saying that we need to get help on, at ‘any cost’ … 🙄 I explained my reasoning again after the meeting and he glowered at me.

I see him in the kitchen and ask if I can have an extension on the plan to next week instead of today, as I am struggling to get it done. Straight ‘no’. Accept that there are various things I can’t deliver and tell various people. Feel bad that I can’t deliver what they need. 

Settle back down into the plan ….

Email comes in from boss, all about how I have assured him repeatedly that the product line stop has been my key focus for the last few weeks, so how can it be that I was unable to answer all questions that had come in from the Swiss research centre contact. He therefore required a full process audit report and findings by 1pm today - it was pretty much 11.30am by then. That was the final straw. I just started crying. Asked my lead engineer to send what he could by 1pm and went into HR. Fortunately she was there and not busy. I just collapsed. Full on sobbing and shaking for c. 20 minutes. I  have never been so distressed in work before. HR wanted to send me home but I refused as I wanted to GET THE PLAN DONE! She covered for me in the management meeting (I couldn’t have gone in the state I was in) and I missed most of the barbecue summer event and just worked and worked and worked. Got the plan done. Was quite pleased with it. Saw boss as I left and he started picking (illogical and ill informed) holes in it … sigh ….

I just can’t sustain this any more. HR is going to talk to him tomorrow (I have a day off, thank goodness!) and we will have a three way conversation on Monday (there is NO point me talking to him alone). 

I am also going to google the ACAS definition of bullying this weekend because for me it is starting to feel like it. 

I then worked until 5pm …

KK

KajiKita

In happier news … (there must be some!), I brought home spider plant babies from work today (with permission 😊 not of boss! the owner of the plant 😉) 

Georgeous has just had his first ever ‘sit’ on a hooman lap!!!! 🤩🎉🥳🥰❤️👏 Mr KK’s lap, but even so, how cool is that? 😊🥰

KK

beanielou

I loathe this man so much and I have never even met him. He is a horrid bully & I hope that HR have very stern words with him. Great idea to speak to ACAS.
You are such a lovely person & you don’t deserve to be treated like this. 

Stay strong. 

Lovely news about the kitten. 

Cheery_Daff

Urgh, what an utter FIEND. There is NO excuse for treating someone like that, none at all. Even if they are not doing any work (and of course you ARE doing plenty) there is still no excuse for behaving like that. What is his problem?! I'm glad you were able to go to HR, and that you have other witnesses for how unreasonable he was being. Glad HR are taking it seriously, and that they're going to have a word. Monday might be grim, but hopefully things will get better after that xxx

SandyShores

Hope you're okay kajikita.  What a bully, clearly missed the session on how to motivate people if he ever did any leadership training.  I'm glad you raised it with HR and I hope you're making brief notes on each incident - sounds like a very unreasonable person.  I don't know if its helpful, but I've been dealing with a difficult situation at work.  I've realised I'm very quick to justify myself when people accuse me of stuff e.g. you're late/you should know.  So instead of answering their question I've started deflecting and have been practicing turning the questions around e.g. asking their advice/how would they prioritise, what should be dropped etc.  I know its probably not as simple as that for you, but I found it pauses the situation and puts them slightly on the back foot.  And they're your manager so they need to give you support.  Look after yourself.

LadyWithAPlan

Just caught up and so sorry to hear re this inept manager. He almost sounds like he is trying to get you to move on... Is there a boss above him you can talk to about your work schedule, his behaviour etc. Definitely keep copious notes and where there are brusque emails/comments.. Can you accidentally press voice record on your phone/pc when he starts bickering/pestering? Always useful to have

Just keep your head and spirits up high, keep doing great work and where he distracts you write it down how he takes you away already agreed work schedules.. If he is getting pressure on high  on his results maybe its cos he isnt managing his team well (obv!!) by giving clear defined targets and communication so that needs raising with HR 

Maybe you need a  workflow system he can understand as he seems to be missing key elements here...and would take pressure of you being the scapegoat - nothing wrong with a scrum whiteboard 

the more specific you can be about his behaviour on agreed work stuff and his reactions etc the better

Loving that Georgoeus feeling at home on a lap! the purple blanket is amazing.

Watty1

Nice on Gorgeous and the lap but my goodness I despise your boss and I've never met him.  I hate bullying and that is what this is.   A good boss surrounds themselves with people who "can do" and are better than they are.  A poor boss dislikes people better than them.  He is in the poor boss category for sure. Glad HR has been helpful.

KajiKita

Thanks @beanielou, @Cheery_Daff, @SandyShores, @LadyWithAPlan and @Watty1.

I slept okay but woke up thinking about it all and I realise that I am getting angry.
I am doing a good job (I’m getting external and internal feedback from various sources to genuinely know this) just not necessarily the things that my boss wants, but that *are* business needs. There are masses of things that I and my team deliver that he does NOT know about (why should he, he’s got enough to think about!) so all this poking, prodding and criticism is unhelpful and unnecessary. 

I looked at the ACAS website last night and i believe he is unintentionally bullying in his behaviour - in his micromanaging and constant ‘tone’ of negativity about me, my judgement, my and my team’s work and throughput. 

I will spend an hour or so prepping some notes for Monday, so if the meeting happens I will be ready for it. I intend to explain what effect his behaviour is having on me and how counter productive it is and exactly why - damage to self confidence, brain freeze, etc etc. I will explain that I enjoy many aspects of my job but his behaviour is making dread coming into work. How his behaviour, on top of a complex, demanding and fast paced workload is too much and becomes a tipping point. I will also say that if I end up again, as distressed I did yesterday, with HR telling me I should go home, I will. A breakdown leads to fundamental and permanent damage to a person which takes a long time to come back from, if it’s even possible and I am NOT willing to allow him or the organisation to do that to me. I will then get myself signed off on sick due to stress. 

Once the notes are done, I will shut down my head on this and focus on me, my life, my weekend and @ rse to the Bally lot of it! Grrrrr ….. 

KK

South_coast

Going back through this diary will probably be helpful in getting your notes together, as you can provide a lot of specifics in terms of dates and discussions etc. 

Good luck x

ladybird1106

No wise words to add, so sending a virtual hug instead.
love 🐞