What’s fair

2 Posts

Hi all. I’m interested in opinions on what is fair in our situation. My husband and I married after finding out his mother had terminal cancer. We had only been together 11 months when we wed 12/2020. I already owned my house and I believe I have £80K equity sat in it. My husband came with nothing. No savings. No property. We are on exactly the same salary but I have more outgoings. My disposable income is £120 per month and his is £636 per month. I suggested he but into my house so he could get on the property ladder and I could pay off my debts. I calculated if he took a mortgage for £40K this would cost him about £145 per month if we added him to the existing mortgage and increased the borrowing. He wants me to give him £10K to clear his debts from that £40K which I don’t think is fair. At the moment we pay half each on the mortgage and bills and then have our own debts we pay for. We have no children and can’t move forward until we sort out what’s the fair as money seems to be an ongoing issue.
0
Latest MSE News and Guides
Replies
He has £10k debt, you have debt yet you want him to borrow 40k against the house and pay off your debt but not clear his, that makes no sense.
There is an awful lot of 'this is mine' in your post. You are married, it is now all in the marital pot. If you cant get your heads together and come to an agreement about how to manage your joint finances now then you are probably going to be posting on here in the future asking how you can avoid him making a claim on your property.
Lewis Carroll
How do you each spend your "disposable income" ?
If you both operate on the basis of putting 50/50 into everything then on the face of it he could afford meals out / takeaways, holidays etc whereas you'd not be able to keep up.
Does he have an expensive hobby that he uses his money for?
Or in reality are you both sharing your disposable income ?
You want him to buy £40k's worth of your house off you so he has some equity in the house & you can pay off your debts but he wants you to give him £10k back so he can pay off his debts ? Doing this just transfers debts between yourselves & may cost you in arrangement fees, interest etc
You should be both reviewing all your debts & figuring out the best way to pay them off. Does one have a higher interest rate attached so get rid of that one first.
Jen
You need a frank discussion about money, all incoming and outgoings and agree on a strategy together on how you are going to make this work.
Financial compatibility is something that is VERY important in a marriage, and is often the cause of marriage failure.
You and your husband need to sit down and speak to each other and discuss a way to move forward with finances. How much is your debt and how much is his debt?
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. His contributing to the mortgage entitles him to a share of the equity going forward, irrelevant in terms of a long marriage but if you were to divorce sooner rather than later his contributions might be considered to be the equivalent of rent that he would have to pay wherever he resided. Would the 30K clear your loans and leave you with comptable disposable income? Are you planning on having a family?
I don't mean that to sound patronising but all to often we see on here couples arguing over things and growing resentment due to things that are basic pre wedding discussions