Single people and retirement

cfw1994

Ah, good luck!
I very much doubt you will regret that decision, & once it is made, those last weeks of work will fly past!!

marycanary

Scallypud said:

Let me be the first to wish all the best in your retirement when it comes.

Be prepared for the boss to try and get you to change your mind

Thank you.

It's started already with a suggestion that I could take unpaid leave over the summer and return in October to work through the winter pressure.

Johnnyy_Boy

zagfles said:

bostonerimus said:

zagfles said:

bostonerimus said:

Brie said:

I sometimes envy those who are single and don't have to depend or be depended on.  I hope that I would be sensible about things if I was single, that I would socialise and not be a recluse, go to work for money or for love (probably of cats) and acquire an air of mad aunt to the few nieces and nephews that I've been presented with.  (all now in their 20s and so finally interesting)

I'd have to figure out who to assign duties to one might normally give to a spouse.  Beneficiaries of stuff, executor of will?  POA??  How does one notify distant family and friends of whatever (severe illness/accidents/death) if there's no one close??

As it is I still have my OH (not under the patio, well, not yet) who has no income but does have opinions but rarely makes decisions.  It's all a challenge but just in different shades.

Being single and retired does have many practical implications. There's no one to pick you up at the airport or drive you back from the garage when you drop your car off to be fixed. You have to be comfortable going to the cinema and theater alone. I enjoy going to the coffee shop alone, but don't go to the pub without a friend as I think that would make me a "sad old drunk". I have appointed one of my nieces as my executor, but I've paid a lawyer to set everything up and they will help with the estate once I'm gone. I'm also giving money away faster than I would do if I had a partner.

There are also psychological implications to being alone and I think some people would find it difficult. I've lived alone for 25 years (since my divorce) and I enjoy my own company so I think it would actually be difficult to have to share daily life with someone. That might have been one of the reasons for the divorce. I have good friends, but I don't have to spend time with them every day...and I'm glad of that.

You don't necessarily get all those things if you're a couple! We have one car between us, so will walk or get PT back from the garage, airport etc. I'm used to travelling on business so have no fear of going to a pub, restaurant or cinema alone. Especially cinema, as that's not a social event, you're watching a film not chatting! Really, nobody cares if you're on your own, they don't look at you like a sad old drunk or whatever, what's really sad is to deny yourself stuff because of what other people might think!

I still travel alone a lot, as there's a lot of places I want to see which my wife (and friends) have no interest in.

As far as retirement planning goes, all couples should plan for being single anyway, as it's highly likely that one of you will spend some of your retirement on your own for obvious reasons.

When I travel I'm just fine going into a restaurant/bar for food and a couple of drinks, but at home I just don't do it because I prefer to cook for myself and don't find it enjoyable sitting in a bar drinking without friends and I don't have a local regular bar/pub. Part of what makes it easy for me to live on my own, I think, is my lack of regard for what other people think which sometimes comes off as being misanthropic.

Yes it's pretty boring going to a normal pub on your own, although if it's one with sports on I will, I refuse to pay for sports channels at home so if there's something on I want to see I'll go to a pub which has it on even if alone. But invariably you get talking to people around you about the match etc. When I worked late shifts I'd often nip out to the pub for half an hour and read the paper, just to get out of the office on my break (and have a pint obviously)!

When travelling, hostel bars are great because it's easy to meet people up for a chat and a laugh, discuss travels etc, not just other solo travellers but those in groups. I don't usually go to restaurants with waiter service when travelling alone, that really is boring waiting for food to arrive with no-one to talk to (used to do that a lot on business when no choice), I usually get a self service buffet lunch or get food on the go etc.

Having said all that I'm not sure how I'd cope living on my own full time...but I guess all retirees should plan for that possibility...both financially and otherwise...because it'll happen to almost half of those not currently single...

Many years ago on my first business trip I soon learnt what you had to do when being on your own in a restaurant and that’s take a book or magazine with you. Far better than looking into thin air. Of course now all you need is a phone or tablet. 

powerspowers

Brill news! Congratulations 🥳 

Grandmama

Retired pensioner. When on my own in a restaurant I take my kindle paperwhite(electronic book reader) and place a notepad and pen on the table. If anyone asks, I am writing a novel and writing my notes. Honestly, they believe me!

SarahB16

Grandmama said:

Retired pensioner. When on my own in a restaurant I take my kindle paperwhite(electronic book reader) and place a notepad and pen on the table. If anyone asks, I am writing a novel and writing my notes. Honestly, they believe me!

When I'm on holiday with a female friend having drinks outside (summer evening) and I see a woman on her own I'm never sure whether to start talking to her or not if she's sat on her own on another table and to perhaps invite her to join us on our table. 

I remember a few years ago seeing a woman with headphones on watching something on an ipad so didn't make eye contact or approach her (the headphones were the sign for us to not to) but I do think if she'd perhaps been reading a book then I think I would have smiled and perhaps started a conversation. 

I would never go on holiday alone but if I was on my own then I'd appreciate the interaction but I understand we're all different and some people prefer to be left on their own.   

stoplurking

 Marycanary I hope you have a long and happy retirement.  

Albermarle

Johnnyy_Boy said:

zagfles said:

bostonerimus said:

zagfles said:

bostonerimus said:

Brie said:

I sometimes envy those who are single and don't have to depend or be depended on.  I hope that I would be sensible about things if I was single, that I would socialise and not be a recluse, go to work for money or for love (probably of cats) and acquire an air of mad aunt to the few nieces and nephews that I've been presented with.  (all now in their 20s and so finally interesting)

I'd have to figure out who to assign duties to one might normally give to a spouse.  Beneficiaries of stuff, executor of will?  POA??  How does one notify distant family and friends of whatever (severe illness/accidents/death) if there's no one close??

As it is I still have my OH (not under the patio, well, not yet) who has no income but does have opinions but rarely makes decisions.  It's all a challenge but just in different shades.

Being single and retired does have many practical implications. There's no one to pick you up at the airport or drive you back from the garage when you drop your car off to be fixed. You have to be comfortable going to the cinema and theater alone. I enjoy going to the coffee shop alone, but don't go to the pub without a friend as I think that would make me a "sad old drunk". I have appointed one of my nieces as my executor, but I've paid a lawyer to set everything up and they will help with the estate once I'm gone. I'm also giving money away faster than I would do if I had a partner.

There are also psychological implications to being alone and I think some people would find it difficult. I've lived alone for 25 years (since my divorce) and I enjoy my own company so I think it would actually be difficult to have to share daily life with someone. That might have been one of the reasons for the divorce. I have good friends, but I don't have to spend time with them every day...and I'm glad of that.

You don't necessarily get all those things if you're a couple! We have one car between us, so will walk or get PT back from the garage, airport etc. I'm used to travelling on business so have no fear of going to a pub, restaurant or cinema alone. Especially cinema, as that's not a social event, you're watching a film not chatting! Really, nobody cares if you're on your own, they don't look at you like a sad old drunk or whatever, what's really sad is to deny yourself stuff because of what other people might think!

I still travel alone a lot, as there's a lot of places I want to see which my wife (and friends) have no interest in.

As far as retirement planning goes, all couples should plan for being single anyway, as it's highly likely that one of you will spend some of your retirement on your own for obvious reasons.

When I travel I'm just fine going into a restaurant/bar for food and a couple of drinks, but at home I just don't do it because I prefer to cook for myself and don't find it enjoyable sitting in a bar drinking without friends and I don't have a local regular bar/pub. Part of what makes it easy for me to live on my own, I think, is my lack of regard for what other people think which sometimes comes off as being misanthropic.

Yes it's pretty boring going to a normal pub on your own, although if it's one with sports on I will, I refuse to pay for sports channels at home so if there's something on I want to see I'll go to a pub which has it on even if alone. But invariably you get talking to people around you about the match etc. When I worked late shifts I'd often nip out to the pub for half an hour and read the paper, just to get out of the office on my break (and have a pint obviously)!

When travelling, hostel bars are great because it's easy to meet people up for a chat and a laugh, discuss travels etc, not just other solo travellers but those in groups. I don't usually go to restaurants with waiter service when travelling alone, that really is boring waiting for food to arrive with no-one to talk to (used to do that a lot on business when no choice), I usually get a self service buffet lunch or get food on the go etc.

Having said all that I'm not sure how I'd cope living on my own full time...but I guess all retirees should plan for that possibility...both financially and otherwise...because it'll happen to almost half of those not currently single...

Many years ago on my first business trip I soon learnt what you had to do when being on your own in a restaurant and that’s take a book or magazine with you. Far better than looking into thin air. Of course now all you need is a phone or tablet. 

I prefer an actual newspaper, remember those ?

zagfles

SarahB16 said:

Grandmama said:

Retired pensioner. When on my own in a restaurant I take my kindle paperwhite(electronic book reader) and place a notepad and pen on the table. If anyone asks, I am writing a novel and writing my notes. Honestly, they believe me!

When I'm on holiday with a female friend having drinks outside (summer evening) and I see a woman on her own I'm never sure whether to start talking to her or not if she's sat on her own on another table and to perhaps invite her to join us on our table. 

I remember a few years ago seeing a woman with headphones on watching something on an ipad so didn't make eye contact or approach her (the headphones were the sign for us to not to) but I do think if she'd perhaps been reading a book then I think I would have smiled and perhaps started a conversation. 

I would never go on holiday alone but if I was on my own then I'd appreciate the interaction but I understand we're all different and some people prefer to be left on their own.   

This reminds me of a conversation with a few female solo travellers in Australia. How people often think they need "saving" when they see them in a pub/restaurant etc alone. Surprisingly (to me at the time anyway) they all said this was more common than blokes harrassing them or trying to chat them up! It wasn't that they wanted to left alone so much, as they didn't want people they often had nothing in common with feeling the need to protect them from the danger or lonlieness they thought they must be facing. 

Women travelling alone is very common, far more common than most people think. I've met hundreds in my travels and probably as many as men. To the OP I'd say if you want to travel go for it, but think of the type of holiday. Don't go on holidays aimed at couples/families eg typical package holidays, or cruises, or stay in 4* hotels. Generally you'll get people who'll keep themselves to themselves.

If you want something organised look at holidays specifically aimed at singles, otherwise look at staying in hostels (really - you can get private rooms, doesn't have to be a dorm, and some hostels have better rooms than the average hotel!) as you'll meet loads of other people travelling alone and generally even people who aren't are much more friendly. Go on walking tours, the "free" walking tour (tips based) has become a worldwide phenomena now, ideal for people travelling alone where you'll meet loads of others doing the same. Look at short trips organised by hostels even if you don't stay in one. And don't assume you have to be young, it is mostly younger people doing this type of holiday to be fair, but there's a significant number of older people travelling in this way, as long as you're reasonably fit and healthy age is no barrier. And don't be put off by friends/relative/the media telling you how dangerous it is - instead read travel forums (tripadvisor is probably the best/most used) where you'll get advice from loads of experienced travellers who know the place you'll be going to inside out plus read trip reports.

marycanary

Thank you zagfles for the advice, that's exactly what I intend to do. I have a few trips planned and booked. Nothing like hugheskevi's odyssey, I'm starting with a few short trips to build up my confidence. If I don't enjoy solo travel I will try organised trips. I'll probably try a few anyway to see which I prefer.