A Jolly Holly Christmas - It's the 2022 Christmas Chatter Thread!

Spendless

Coxy11 said:

Wow @Spendless I didn't realise goodie bags before holidays was a thing. Please don't tell my DD and DS2 as they will expect something too lol!

Lol. Neither did I, I had to text my ex workmate a goodie bag queen for ideas. It also wouldn't have happened if they hadn't all been sleeping here the night before. The last time there were 3 friends for a sleepover it was the summer before the pandemic when I was relieved DD's school life was now over  and included the now former friend (who went off with  DD's ex). I have noticed that DD sometimes re-visits places/occasions that once meant something  and I very much suspect this is to re-claim an experience/event etc back - I do wonder if  this is because she's read some self therapy suggestions. I think of it a bit like how a dog wees over another dog's scent to say - this patch is now mine. For this reason I'm happy to 'cover' the previous memory of having a sleepover by supplying holiday related  goodie bags.  

Potential cat amongst the pigeons though. She's got a gum infection, emergency trip to dentist and a prescription for anti-biotics that can't be taken with alcohol as it can hospitalise you if you do. Now got to make a decision between not drinking on her first girls hol or delaying taking the medication and hope the infection doesn't get worse.  Bonus point, I now won't provide alcohol for the sleepover so I've come in under budget.

That's upsetting re your Mum, when you went to so much effort and so hard to know whether they're just getting a bit cantankerous in old age, don't have a filter or a sign of some health issue brewing  

Spendless

I am rubbish at maths, previous amounts I'd got wrong, so just as well I didn't need to budget for alcohol! Final tally

(From Savers)
4 x luggage tags @  £1 =  £4
4 x travel pillows @ £1 = £4
2 x double pack travel toothbrushes @ £1 = £2
1 x 4 pack of  hair elastics @ £1 = £1

Total £11.

Poundstretcher
2 x masks @ £1 = £2 (plus 2 masks I already had in for Xmas gifts)
Total £2.

Home Bargains
1 x 3 pack of lip balms @ £!.49 = £1.49 (plus another lip balm from my stash) 
4 x handbag size tissue packs @ 15p = 60p
1 x stainless steel straws 4 packs @ 99p =  99p
1 x Kinder chocolate 16 bars £1.49 + £1.49
Total £4.57 

+ 4 pendants from an advent calendar I had in bought cheap as last year's stock

Final Total £17.57


Thought I'd list just in case anyone wants  any ideas to put items in stockings or do a hol themed hamper whilst items are still in the shops.

DD has decided to take anti biotics as another in their party can't drink either. When the girls  come I will make them up a non alcoholic punch, using a bottle of alcohol free wine that we found in our drinks cupboard. No idea where it came from! I suspect either my elderly Nan not looking properly and thinking she'd got a bargain or my Mother shopping without her glasses on! I came across it Jubilee weekend and pondered outloud to my mate where it had come from. Got the reply 'No idea, just don't give it me' hahahahahahaha. 

C_J

@Spendless those goodie bags sound wonderful!  I have done something similar in the past and the little hint I can pass on is to ask nicely at the posh brand makeup counters at your nearest department store (if you have one) for freebies. I was given travel size mascaras, eye pencils, mini lipsticks and fragrance vials which were fantastic additions. 😀

Spendless

C_J - Thank you. Unfortunately with the loss of Debenhams last year we haven't. Only a Boots, though it's relatively large. Our HofF is an Outlet and no others, but I will take your advice for next time I travel to a large shopping centre in  a nearby city. I did have both sample and mini perfumes, but again just 3 of the same type and with DD only taking hand luggage, unsure of the others I steered away from liquid. 

Coxy11

Hi all,

I popped in B00ts at the weekend to get some body lotion with 'tan' in it as my legs are in need of colour, and they had a clearance shelf with a few bits on it. I got 6 x S&G clean on me shower gels 75ml for 50p each. These are the travel size ones that are usually in the pick n mi tubs. Even better, they went through on the 3for2 offer, so 6 for £2. These will be for our summer holiday and for when I go hiking again. Always nice to use something a tiny bit luxurious in campsite shower blocks!

Father's Day yesterday so round to the outlaws where I saw SIL and BIL for the first time since 'theatre-gate'. No mention of it at all but BIL did wax lyrical about their visit to Kew Gardens (which was where they went). Didn't want to waste their voucher apparently. Could not make this stuff up! I silently seethed......

Does anyone have advice for starting the conversation around not buying for the adults in the family anymore? I would love to not have to do this for birthdays or Christmas. Not because I'm tight, just because it's becoming harder to find things that folk might want/like. We have 10 nieces and nephews ranging from 31 to 3 years old. Stopped birthday gifts at 30 for DNiece, and mainly give money to the teens upwards so no great hassle there. DH and I usually receive Amaz0n giftcards from SIL, I didn't receive anything from BIL last year, DH usually gets given a bottle of whisky. 

So at what point (in the year) did you broach the subject and how did it go down? Like you guys, I tend to look for ideas throughout the year, but know MIL gets going with Christmas around September time. Suspect SIL leaves it until December and BIL is a Christmas Eve last minute Larry.

Any advice gratefully received - TIA
Coxy

Spendless

It's a bit of a long story how we eventually stopped buying for the kids in the family (I've now detailed further on). I do regret saying 18  to stop rather than 21 to my sister. Both her 2 and my 2 were not fully settled on the next course of their life after that birthday, so that's something to consider.
On DH's side we only stopped last year at age 30 for his Niece. That was always my plan as the kids all hit milestone birthdays that year 18, 21, 30 and I thought it ideal opportunity. Of course lockdown got in the way (all beginning of year) so it wasn't exactly the occasion I thought we'd have. 

Question though- I did think that BIL and SIL were a married couple, do they buy you gifts from each of them rather than jointly from them both? Or am I mixing this up and BIL and SIL are siblings to your DH? Also are all your own children all adults? Do they still receive gifts from extended family? When you say adults are you meaning yours and Mr Coxy's siblings and your adult nephews/neices or are you also including any of your  parents/grandparents/aunts etc?  With my DD the youngest on both sides of  the family at 19, we now have no children in it and I've mentioned before but my family is top heavy with pensioners. I will continue to buy for parents and my grandparents. 

Depending on the situation you may need a multi pronged approach.

My sis-in law told me years ago rather abruptly that 'they weren't buying for adults any more for Xmas just kids and Mums (I considered this strange given her Dad was alive and so was her then FIL). This was said early on is the year. Since nothing had been said about birthdays I continued to buy for them (spring/summer birthdays) and me and husband received presents for our Autumn birthdays. At Christmas we did as requested only to receive presents from them, when we apologised for not having anything for them and we thought SisIL had said to not buy for adults, the reply we got was 'I did, but you didn't stick to it' . Now that wasn't correct, she hadn't said she was including Birthdays too. The following year her marriage had broken up and knowing she wouldn't receive anything other than from her parents (and MIL bless her soul was not good at gift buying!) we continued until a few years ago by which time she'd re-married

I'm mentioning this so there's no confusion caused about who you do intend continuing buying for and until what age.

As to what reason you give and when. I'd say asap just in case they out of the blue have already got something in. Maybe the rise in energy and living costs is the excuse you can give, start a general conversation about it and then lead round to as there's further rises coming this Autumn, you are going to be cutting back and only buying for .............. 

Coxy11

Spendless said:

Question though- I did think that BIL and SIL were a married couple, do they buy you gifts from each of them rather than jointly from them both? Or am I mixing this up and BIL and SIL are siblings to your DH? Also are all your own children all adults? Do they still receive gifts from extended family? When you say adults are you meaning yours and Mr Coxy's siblings and your adult nephews/neices or are you also including any of your  parents/grandparents/aunts etc?  With my DD the youngest on both sides of  the family at 19, we now have no children in it and I've mentioned before but my family is top heavy with pensioners. I will continue to buy for parents and my grandparents. 

Sorry to confuse! DH has a brother and a sister. The wasted theatre tickets were for his sister and her husband. They have 5 children, 22, 17, 14, 5 and 3. We buy birthday and Christmas for all 7 of them.

DH's brother is married with 2 young teens from a previous relationship who live abroad. We don't buy for the the childrens' birthdays but gift at Christmas when we see them. We buy birthday and Christmas for BIL and his wife.

We also buy for DSis, my BIL and their 3 children - 31, 23 and 13 (although stopped 31 year old birthday last year).

Also buy for DMUM, MIL and FIL.

Our children are 23, 20 and 18. There are a lot to buy for! Will stop all offspring at 30, as that's a good milestone.

TBH it's mainly DHs side of the family that I'm fed up with. Suggested an ethical Oxfam gift to MIL one year - they retired early 50's, are loaded and want for nothing - was told that wasn't a nice idea!? 

We received a Ticketmaster giftcard from DHs sister and BIL at Christmas. It runs out in December. I can't see anything to use it against that I won't have to top up by the same amount (£50) again. Just bonkers.

Not sure I'm any further forward in my thinking but good to know what others do/did, so thanks for your reply @sp@Spendless

Spendless

@Coxy11 - I think then I'd be looking at stopping for siblings and  their spouses. That way you stop incidences like theatre-gate and receiving gifts that only cost you.  Yes, I can imagine it is limiting to have a Ticketmaster giftcard when most events cost far more. Is there no 'bargain bucket' seats to be had, for anything just to get it used at no or minimal cost to yourself? Alternatively have you considered selling on (if ts & cs allow) for less than face value and just having a night in the pub on the proceeds? 


The Nieces/Nephews have a cut off deadline of 30 that you've already implemented with the eldest and that's plenty of time for each to be established in their adult life unlike when they're still in late teens/early 20s. 

Keep parents in the gift list as annoying/difficult/irritating as it might be, just because they are Mum and Dad.  

That's what I'd be looking at doing and I would blame rising costs of living and energy as my reason as to why. 

C_J

If you all get together over the Christmas holidays, perhaps instead of buying gifts for everyone you could all do the White Elephant Secret Santa game? We’ve done this before and it’s riotously good fun!

Treasurequeen

I was buying gifts for my aunt and uncle but then it got ridiculous as they are loaded, money got tight a few years back for me and I wrote a little note let in a card explaining why I had to stop buying gifts. They understood, they still buy for me usually money or a gift card but her explanation was she knew I had to stop but as they had the money they wanted to carry on buying for me. 

Yankee candle have a summer sale online and some of their Christmas candles are reduced.