Funeral etiquette

74jax

Sandtree said:

Mark7799 said:

Someone I knew a long time ago but lost touch with has recently passed away. 

Presumably you were directly invited not a friend of a friend or seeing the announcement?

Do you know his close family well? At all?

Why do you want to go?

Maybe I'm an emotional stone but have only been to three funerals thankfully, my fathers just before my 14th and my uncles & a colleagues both a couple of years ago. Certainly cannot remember every detail, particularly from the one a couple of decades ago, but certainly remember a fair amount of both my family ones but very little of the colleague where we didnt know any of his family or friends etc (knew of them but never met them before). We did the service, briefly went to the 

If you want to go, go. If you want to eat eat. If you know/knew the family well maybe more worth going. If you dont want to go, he/she won't know.

Funerals are for the living.

Being of irish decent though a wake is held before the funeral, normally with the body present, and so if you've been invited to the wake just make sure its is the after funeral party and not the pre funeral vigil - very different things but a lot of alcohol at both in our family tradition anyway.

@sandtree
An emotional stone! That is so me, then I read you are off Irish decent too! Maybe it's how we are brought up 🙈

I remember taking my friend to a wake, my husband couldn't go with me, my dad was sadly in hospital but it was his brother who had died. Its important to have family representatation for his family line, so I flew over to Belfast for the day and drove to the wake.

We picked up some fruit cake and my friend couldn't understand why, I explained I couldn't go empty handed. I asked if she'd been to a wake before and she said yes. 

Entered the house, you know what's it like, a constant stream.... They greated my friend like a long lost family member, the Irish are so hospitable.  Someone came round to sort the order of 'lifts'. She thought it was lifts to the church, not lifts to carry the coffin... She was then asked if she wanted to go down before the service, and Aunty indicated to the far room, I had no idea why but she said yes. I interrupted and said no she didn't, she was just confused. She asked what it meant and I had to explain the body was in the room for people to sit around and include in the conversation etc. Her face! 

On the flight back that evening she said it had been one of the most nicest, strangest and incredible experiences. She never calls a funeral tea a wake now...... 😂 

Mark7799

Thanks to everyone who took the trouble to respond. I went to the wake/funeral tea and was able to chat to a few mutual friends I hadn't spoken to for many years. Doubt if the widow and son recognised me but I had an opportunity to briefly offer my condolences.  Would do this again if it was necessary,  had some soft drinks but didn't take advantage of the good although there was plenty there for all who attended.

pollypenny

Mark, I'd failed to notice your lovely signature ( a country without language, a country without heart) so missed that you are Welsh, too. 

We just go to funerals if we can, whether to support the bereaved or because we knew the deceased.  Glad it worked out for you.