Problems with another mother at school

lisaann72red

have a similar problem that has only just started I have developed the thick skin approach and am pretending she is not even on the same planet as me! I am not saying much in front of my kids so as not to cause more upset. Unfortunately adults can behave very daft sometimes! We should learn from our kids to not take things to seriously all the spats they have are soon forgotten. Sorry about your problem it is hard to deal with I know chin up!

Merlot

lisaann72red wrote: »

have a similar problem that has only just started I have developed the thick skin approach and am pretending she is not even on the same planet as me! I am not saying much in front of my kids so as not to cause more upset. Unfortunately adults can behave very daft sometimes! We should learn from our kids to not take things to seriously all the spats they have are soon forgotten. Sorry about your problem it is hard to deal with I know chin up!

I am too experiencing the very cold shoulder from one mother, who phoned me up because my son apparently told her son, that he wasn't to play with naughty children, the other boy is messing about in class etc, but I didn't say that to my son about this boy, I said it about another child on the park behind my house who was swearing, any way, I invited that first boy to my sons birthday party as a gesture to see if me and the mother would speak again, but I didn't get the reply from the mother, I got it from the boy, that his mother said my son wasn't a nice boy - Playground politics...you be as well to ignore her and stay away, some woman can be real bi*ches, life is too short for petty arguments, I feel quite sorry that this woman doesn't speak to me now, we used to have a laugh about the daftest things.

The thing is the two boys are the best of friends now and we don't even give eye contact to each other....shame, but thats life.

kitchen_buff

Things like this make my blood boil. If it was me I would get her on her own put my finger upto her face and tell her to get a life and lay off or she can expect your finger in her face next time. You have nothing to lose, if she says anything, quietly tell her to go and sc**w herself. Sorry it sounds tough but I
WAS bullied in school and sometimes the only language people understand is a taste of their own medicine.

Scarlett1

Becles you are probably going to lock horns with this woman for the duration of the school years so ignore and call her a name in private if anything, I think if you keep going and having words with the teacher evertime there is a problem between your son and her's its going to add fuel to the fire and it will in the end look like you have a vendetta against her, there is always 1 parent in the school that is PITA but im sure the school and the playground is big enough for you to avoid each other

conradmum

Unfortunately your son has had a too early introduction to Nasty People and Life. It's heart-breaking to witness their pain when other people are horrible to them for no reason whatsoever.

I agree with the idea of taking him out on a special treat so as he doesn't feel he's missing out.

Merlot

Scarlett1 wrote: »

Becles you are probably going to lock horns with this woman for the duration of the school years so ignore and call her a name in private if anything, I think if you keep going and having words with the teacher evertime there is a problem between your son and her's its going to add fuel to the fire and it will in the end look like you have a vendetta against her, there is always 1 parent in the school that is PITA but im sure the school and the playground is big enough for you to avoid each other

Scarlett1, you are so right on this one, the mother who doesn't speak to me is constantly in the room having a word with the teacher, I mentioned this at the parents evening, and I was told with my husband at the side of me that this other mother was being over protective and was told by the teacher that it was her son messing around in the classroom and not mine. Teachers don't often say things upfront but my sons teacher is leaving teaching at Christmas, she has had enough, and at twenty eight, thats say alot doesn't it? She says she is fed up with the constant testing of children and the lack of discipline in schools, why is no-one punished for not handing their homework in?

Ex_Ostrich

Hi Becles,

You've been given lots of good advice so far. I've had similar problems with an over-protective Mum and it has been extremely hard work. The danger is that as parents, if we get too involved, we end up acting in a similar way to the children in the playground/classroom! (Believe me I have been sorely tempted on many occasions to go that route!).

From my own experience I'd agree with the existing advice that you should have nothing further to do with this Mum (even if the boys become best friends again, I'd play it very carefully). It wouldn't surprise me if some of the other Mums/teachers have had similar experiences to you. In the meantime, have a fun time with your son when the party is on and bolster his confidence as much as you can. With the right support it is surprising how mature and resilient children can be (thank goodness!)

Take care of yourself and no more fretting - I know it isn't easy but try to remember, this is her problem, not yours!

kippers

I met a mum via a play group and our children became friends and we spent alot of time together. The children ended up in the same class at school.

Then one day (when my daughter was five) the mum fell out with me, and i still don't know why, she just said 'i'd changed' when i asked her why. Two other mums also stopped talking to me and totally blanked me. I was shouted at in the playground and made to look terrible in front of other parents too, though i never retaliated or raised my voice. I can only say that this lady is a bully, but i am too strong natured to be bullied. I decided i was never bullied when i was at school so i wouldn't be now at my age!

Then a couple weeks later she asked to speak to me to 'clear the air'. She hurled abuse at me saying i'd been talking behind her back etc. I told her quite calmly that i had better things to do than listen to her ranting and raving and i just waked away.

Anyway, i decided i would completely ignore them all and keep it all from my daughter, unfortunately the other mum told her daughter some awful lies about me that were then passed on to my daughter. I sat my daughter down an explained all about bullies and how they operate. I told her how sad underneath that bullies are and told her to ignore her or if she really upset my daughter she should tell the teacher...which she did.

Now five years on, the girl leaves my daughter alone (but is frequently nasty to other children...my daughter always says she has learnt to be nasty from her mother). I still see her mother in the playground but i just make sure i keep away, though i have noticed the other mums that fell out with me, don't seem to talk to her anymore (what turns around comes around).

I filled rivers with my tears when she and the others fell out with me as this had never happened to me before (even when i was at school). I've realised now i was just unfortunate to meet and befriend such a nasty bully. If it wasn't for the children we would have had nothing in common. She made me feel like i had no friends when in fact i have loads of friends that i've known for years and years. I also have new friends at school via my youngest daughter.

Anyway, i know what you are going through but it doesn't last for ever. It is her failings and insecurities that are the problem, not you or your son...feel sorry for her...she will end up a loner!

julesangles

while my children were at primary, i often felt the outsider as my two children didnt go to the same school. one went to a special school(now at secondary special). one parent told her child not to go to near to me beacues it may be catching!
well i now work in this school, thankfully the child and parent have left.
the parents can cause more trouble on the playground than the kids! IMHO

Becles

Thanks all. Sorry to hear all your stories of being in similar situations. At least we know it's not just us though!

Had to tell son off last night. He's found out the date and time of the party and wanted to invite some boys here for their tea to stop them going to the party!

I said that you can't do things like that, and making the other boys choose which friend to support will just end in splitting the group up. It's a small class and the boys have always been a close group right through school. Just told him to rise above it, and pretend he's not bothered, and we'll find something to do that weekend.