Problems with another mother at school

Becles

This is playing on my mind tonight.

My son has been in the same class since nursery. He's had the usual rocky childhood relationship with one boy - one minute they are never speaking ever again, then 5 minutes later they are best friends :rolleyes:

The mother was friendly with me until an incident when they were around 6-7. All the boys came out of school and were messing around on the grass. My son jumped on her sons back for a piggyback, but the boy stumbled and they both fell in a heap. Both got up laughing and carried on messing around.

The mother totally over-reacted and shouted at me in front of the other parents for allowing my boy to try to injure her son. My son looks like a stick insect and her boy is much taller and considerably wider than my boy, so I didn't see how giving my boy a piggy back could injure him She also accused my son of bullying her son in school on a daily basis.

I was concerned with the bullying accusation, so I had a quiet word with the teacher and asked how my son behaved in class. She said she hadn't noticed any bullying and nobody had complained about him. She kept an eye for a while, but there was no evidence of bullying. I just left it at that as there didn't seem to be a problem.

After that, the mother either ignored me or stood giving me filthy looks. I tried to make ammends but she didn't want to, so I gave up trying and just developed a thick skin!

When they were 8 years old, my son came in upset talking about sex using obscene words and he was very graphical. I was forced to do the "birds and the bees" talk then, even though I felt he wasn't really ready. He said this boy had told him.

I was very concerned why this boy knew so much and was worried in case anything bad was happening to him. I couldn't approach the mother, so I asked school for advice on how to deal with it. They had a word with the mother and just said they were aware of what the boy had been saying. However the boy knew it was my son who complained, and told his mother who again had a right go at me in the yard with an audience claiming my son told her son the sex stuff.

Another mother said afterwards that the boy was hanging round with a gang of teenagers who she stopped her boy playing with as she didn't like the language they used, so I suspect the sex stuff came from there.

Yesterday the boy brought in party invitations to school. All of the boys in the class have been invited apart from my son. The class were all together in the cloakroom, and the boy made a big thing out of handing out the invitations and making sure the rest of the class knew my son didn't get one.

I know I cannot demand my son is invited to this party, nor do I expect him to be invited if the mother doesn't want him there.

I also know it's nothing to do with the school, but it did happened in school time on school premises. I don't know if I should mention it to them or not?

My son was very upset by it all and I just feel so powerless as there is absolutely nothing I can do to sort this out for him.

It's just been playing on my mind tonight and I'm finding it hard because I want to protect my son from stuff like this, but he's got to learn that people play cruel tricks at times and he has to deal with it.

It's damn hard at times this motherhood business

ailuro2

There's nothing much you can do to intervene with playground politics, or with other Mums who don't like you.

If your son seems upset by it (how old are they now?) then you could take him somewhere yourself on the day of the party- but tbh I'd go for the moral high ground and when it's your son's turn to have a party for all the class invite EVERYONE. It will make her look petty and small minded, which of course she is.;)

seven-day-weekend

Yes, if your son is old enough explain that sometimes people can be very nasty, that it is the mum behaving badly and nothing to do with him personally. Make a big fuss of him and then just ignore it, whilst not treating the boy concerned any different to any other child. Your son will then learn by example.

snowmaid

For all this mother's cry of bullying, I think bullies could take lessons off her! How sad that an 'adult' can act in such a dispicable manner.

There is nothing you can do, except behave better than her and not sink to her level. If she starts on you, look at her, shake your head and walk away. Don't say a word. I think people who stand screaming and shouting show themselves up for what they are (empty vessels make the most noise).

So long as you teach your child the right way, that is what is important. Unfortunately it is a harsh fact to learn so early in life - that there are people like this.

What I can't understand is how does a person feel vindicated and satisfied knowing they have been purposely mean towards a child? How do they reconcile that? Surely, surely it must make one feel miserable?

Just ignore her and I mean totally ignore her.

scrimpingbadger

Absolutely I agree with seven day weekend there - it's a hard lesson when you do your best to be a decent person and sometimes the people around you don't bother. Try to teach your child to rise above it- it's the best lesson he could learn. Don't get involved yourself and show him how to behave.

Chances are this little scrote's mother has many other problems too - and passing them all on to her son. Chances are he'll never have any decent friends either

Nice.

Steer clear

teacup_2

Yes I would say just dont stoop to her level and dont give her the satisfaction of seeing that it has bothered you .As it sounds like thats what she wants especially with the whole party scenario and not inviting your son, which I know is upsetting for you to see your son upset and feeling left out. I would be the same . If she is gossiping then people will see that and no one wants to be friends with the gossip as they dont make trustworthy friends

xx

smallpackages

i would not tolerate her shouting at me in puplic she is bullying and intimidating you, i dont know what her problem is but i dont think its you or your son. tell the school you son has been upset by this boy and that his mother has a personal problem with him and you and ask them to keep an eye on it. i would advice this female that any further issues she has be addressed to the school. tell her not to aproach you again in such an agressive and unreasonable manner. treat her with the disdain she deserves then make sure your boy knows that this is not his fault that there are petty people out there and to avoid him if he can and if he has any problems with him to tell his teacher and not to retaliate himself. the school will know what is really going on better than anyone. it sounds as if the other mums know her well also! try not to let her get you down though.

smallpackages

try not to let your boy see if this upsets you. if you are happy he will be. are all the children attending ?usually there are one or two who dont go you could arrange for him to do something with another friend on that day. she is obviously a b**ch so stuff her!

bulchy

Hi, cant offer any more advice, I agree with all the above, what a sad pathetic woman. Just wanted to say, its a horrible situation to be in, and I feel for you, all we ever want to do is protect our kids from stuff like this, unfortunately we cant. If I was you, I would give my boy an extra special treat on the day of the party, something he will remember when the rest of the class are all talking about the party when they go back to school, yes he will still feel left out, but at least he did do something special with you. Good luck.
Sue

taxi97w

This is the boy who is hanging with a group of teenagers who appear to be a bad influence?

Even if he was invited, would you like him to be a friend of this boy?

Best off out, I'd say.

nej

I agree with taking him out for the day on the day of the party. Go to the zoo, go bowling, the cinema, something really fun.

Then when he talks to his actual friends about what he did at the weekend, he won't feel like he missed out, because he spent the day doing something fun.