Missy’s Surviving the storm so we can dance in the rain.

joedenise

Have to say I agree with @Bluegreen143Missy.  If your DH could get a full time PAYE job and you could get the flexibility you need by working part time around the times you need to take the children to school.  I don't know if you have any family who could help out in the holidays but if not, then putting away some of your earnings so that you can afford to take time off to cover school holidays could work.

It sounds as though you need to speak to HMRC to arrange a better payment plan - that is an awful lot of money to be paying out every month for anyone!

Good luck with whatever you and your OH decide to do in the future.

dawnybabes

It’s sounds so very hard.

does the business actually make a profit? Could you sell it and just do the PT from home ? 

MagicCat

I'm so sorry to hear things are so tough.

My BIL is going through similar at the moment - he runs what was a few years ago a pretty flourishing business. However, since covid, things have changed a lot, and factoring in difficulties due to Brexit and all the current price increases, he's really just losing money. It's totally not his fault, he's absolutely done his best, but I don't think anyone could make a profit in his business currently. He's now been offered a job, and is trying to make up his mind what to do.

I'm sharing this because from the outside BIL's decision is a no brainer - a defined salary and benefits Vs endless stress, long hours and barely breaking even.  But for him, it's a really hard emotional step - I suspect, though he hasn't said, giving up the business for good feels like he's failed. He talks about the lack of flexibility of being an employee but again from the outside it seems DH and I who are both employed are a lot more able to take time off, work fewer hours etc.  So I absolutely get how hard this step must be for you and your OH - but in the end it may be less stressful to be able to pay your bills and know that your income is definitely coming in rather than keeping going as you are. 

I do agree with a lot of what @Bluegreen143 says about flexibility, DH now works at least a couple of days from home and can do drop offs/pick ups, I work part time which helps. We've found there are good schemes for summer childcare and can use the tax free childcare for the costs which really helps make it manageable.

I have found in the past that there are some things that just don't work no matter how hard you try, and instinct is to keep working harder and harder until you're exhausted. The only thing to do is to try a different angle and you may find then it works with half the effort that was getting you no where.

I hope this doesn't sound like criticism, i mean it with kindness, have been following your diaries for a long time and I really admire your determination.

slm6002

I have to agree with everyone about getting a employed job.  From the outside it may seem clear to us but we are not emotionally tied to the self employed job. 

Perhaps to solve the school holidays issue maybe you could get a job in a school.  They are hard to come by but maybe your skills are more needed than mine. 

I love the fact that once I leave for the day that is it.  I don't need to do business work or worry how to pay tax / staff etc. I get the evenings and weekends off to spend with my children and also have time to keep money and house in check

jwil

I agree with the others Missy.  We both work full time and until this year haven't had any help with the kids.  It's really doable, though can be a juggle - but you are constantly juggling, it must be exhausting.

You and OH could try and work different days, or one in the day, one in the evening or weekends, there are jobs which allow hybrid working/working from home now, school jobs.

Do either of you have pensions?  Another benefit is that your employer will contribute too, so a pot of money for later in life.

The suggestion that one gets a job while the other continues with the business may also be an option and you could try it short term to see how it works, or whether the business will recover.  Funds are really tight for everyone at the moment, and it's going to be really challenging for a while.  A bit of peace of mind from a guaranteed income might really help.

Good luck whatever you do

missymoo81

Thanks so much for all of your comments, I’m always touched that people I have never met are so willing to offer advice and kind words. I will go through them all and reply tomorrow. 

I’ve sat down with my pen and paper and worked out what I can afford next month, just as the first step. I have also gotten in touch with a company I know that were having taster sessions and open days but they were all full. I emailed and asked them to let me know if there were any cancellations and they did! So I’ve got a taster session tomorrow!  I have friends coming over to look after littlies. Slightly nervous. 

Have had a busy day. Actually cleaned the house and defrosted the freezer and emptied the fridge! I managed to get a loaf of bread in the freezer that would have gone off. 

I have £11 in cash to spend on shopping this week. I’ve got most things so hopefully that’s enough! 

Bluegreen143

Don’t feel you need to spend ages replying @missymoo81 if it takes up too much energy. I can only speak for myself but I was just hoping to spark some thoughts and hopefully provide reassurance; I know you have lots on your to-do list so do just take any advice which is useful and applies to you and feel free to put any to the side if it’s not right for you.

Sounds like you had a positive, productive day and that’s potential good news about the taster session! Good luck!

mumtoomany

Hi, missy. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I know how hard it is to walk away from a business and admit defeat. I've done it twice. More years ago than i care to remember, we had a corner shop. Recession hit, most of the local industry closed down, people had no money, the small shops closed. We hung on till the bitter end. Last but one shop to close, out of around thirty. OH was working full time, I was running the shop and working past time in the evenings. We had a business loan that needed paying and the house we lived in was behind the shop and was dependent on the shop being open. With hindsight we should have got out much sooner. 
The second time I got out quicker. I owned an after school club. I was making enough to pay my staff but not me. When my deputy said she would like to buy into the business, I offered to sell her the whole thing for £1. I told her exactly how it was doing. Sadly it did even worse once i left. 
It's hard to give up on your "babies", but sometimes there is no point letting them keep dragging you under.
Take some time to work out exactly how much money and time this is costing you both? How much could you get from selling up, or even just walking away? Will things pick up any time soon, or will fewer people have spare money for gyms etc? 
I hope you find what's right for you both, take care, hugs, mumtoomany.xx

greenbee

I don't know what you were doing before you were self-employed, but bear in mind that there are a lot of jobs that used to be mon-fri 9-5 in the office that are now flexible remote/hybrid. And it's an employees' market - I checked the other day for a job title I'm advertising several roles for, and in the 2 geographies I'm recruiting in, there are over 130k ads on one platform alone. I have 9 open roles, my boss has even more across the whole team, some of which have been up for months. 

My SIL has just gone back into employment from self-employment and was surprised to find that I was right about the flexibility. She can do the school run three days a week, and work longer days on the two days my brother does it. As she's new, she's spending a bit of time in the office, but was surprised to find it wasn't as essential as she thought as other people are only going in for meetings and not just to sit at their desks. Where I am we have people on all sorts of different arrangements, but generally we're pretty flexible - and as my boss clearly has his school drop off/pick up/gym times marked in his diary everyone is aware that it's OK to do the same and we are expected to have a life outside work!

RelievedSheff

Sorry to read you are having a hard time Missy. Can only echo what others have said about employed work being more flexible now.

I hope you find a solution that suits you all soon.