What would you do? 5 October 2021 at 10:33PM in Marriage, relationships & families 17 replies 3.3K views

getmore4less

sheramber said:

What do think the police would do/

Our car was broken into and a camera taken. The police said' we'll make a not of it'.

Not much else they could do. They are not going to come out and take fingerprints etc.

Makes it a lot  easier for them to return goods if they do find the culprit and they still have stuff from the cars they broke into.

We got a polite note from the police that they had found the culprit of a series of car break ins  some significant time after the event.

They named them along with the sentence they got.

Primrose

Moving house is stressful and probably your son's priorities and thoughts were elsewhere on the day.  As it was your car I can't quite understand why you didn,t take responsibility for reporting the incident yourself.
Is your son usually ungrateful and rude like this?  Is he having problems with a partner or money worries which are making him usually twitchy?

let things calm down for a while longer then he who is the most generous spirited should make a first move.  However if your son has always taken advantage of your generosity when living closer to home and  taken advantage of your good nature in the past, perhaps it,s time for him to grow up and try standing on his own two feet.  If he's blocked you it down to him to take the initiative in restoring good relations.  He,s probably currently too busy getting settled in his new place to think too much about family relations and maybe having this space to reflect on this will be good for him and hopefully put things in perspective.

Kim_kim

sheramber said:

What do think the police would do/

Our car was broken into and a camera taken. The police said' we'll make a not of it'.

Not much else they could do. They are not going to come out and take fingerprints etc.

They’ll give you a crime reference number you can give to the insurance.  

seven-day-weekend

If you are absolutely sure that you haven't been disrespectful to your son, and it is out of character, I would write him  a letter saying that there is nothing that can't be put right and that you would love to hear from him.

If upon reflection you think you have been disrespectful, then I would do the same thing but apologise (and grovel a bit)  to him first.

Spendless

I'm guessing the cost of the repair was less than your insurance excess? Does son think insurance would cover it, not understanding how insurance works? 

Also you put 'no offer' to pay. Did you ask him to do so? I know in my younger days I would get into arguments with my parents because I'd point out 'How was I meant to know you wanted me to........(never money related) and their response was 'You should have asked;

I've hopefully been a lot clearer with my young adult offspring about expectations of them as a result

pickledonionspaceraider

Keep_pedalling said:

I am bit puzzled here, a minor crime has been committed against your property, so if you want to report it to the police why could you not have done so yourself? You son was not negligent, the car was locked., so I don’t see why he should should have to pay.

In your shoes I would not even asked for payment especially as moving is already a stressful and expensive time, and it seems for a very small loss you risk a very serious breakdown in the relationship with your son, it really is not worth it.

I completely agree with this.
I would not have even thought to ask for payment for this whatsoever
£150 really is not worth this hassle.

I completely agree with what others are saying that it at first glance, appears there is more going on here

OP if you feel you are in the wrong, if you feel you have been argumentative or disrespectful you need to fess up and apologise.

Give the lad a break  

pickledonionspaceraider

pollypenny said:

If I borrowed something from a friend or family member and it was damaged I would feel obliged to pay for repair. 

It seems as if this son is taking advantage because it's his parents' car. He's not their little boy any more, but he is being childish. 

Or maybe the parents spoke to him like a child in a patronising tone - as per the 'argumentative and disrespectful' comment from the son.  

That is how that snippet of info could be interpreted. 

'He ignored advice to report to police as priority was his move (over 200 miles)' . - This is quite telling.  Perhaps he did not 'ignore advice' - or perhaps it was worded more of a demand rather than advice

Op says as a second point, he was moving house 200 miles that day, and in all honestly what are the police going to do anyway?  It would be a waste of time and more stress, on top of an already stressful day. 

The damage to the car is secondary to an altogether different problem, IMO