What would you do?
in Marriage, relationships & families
17 replies 3.3K views
Our adult son borrowed one our cars (we insured him) to help him move house. Unfortunately a car window was broken and a low value item stolen from car on day of house move. He ignored advice to report to police as priority was his move (over 200 miles). Car eventually left at our house for us to repair, cost £150 plus our time & effort. No offer to pay. Now blocked all contact from us due to us being "argumentative and disrespectful".
No contact in 6 weeks.
No contact in 6 weeks.
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All for £150 and the cost of an item..... Something else is going on here.
Is he active online? I'm guessing it's out of character or you wouldn't have posted, if you can find no activity for him, can't speak to him or he doesn't answer when you visit, in all honesty I'd go to the police, but I do have contact from my dd frequently, so this would never have got to 6 weeks for me. If this is normal for you, I'd let it run it course and wait.
In your shoes I would not even asked for payment especially as moving is already a stressful and expensive time, and it seems for a very small loss you risk a very serious breakdown in the relationship with your son, it really is not worth it.
If the answer to my first question is yes, then I would absolutely expect the adult using the vehicle to report the incident to the police. If time is limited, i wouldn't necessarily expect the vehicle to be repaired before its return, but i would expect steps to be taken to ensure the repair was booked in, or potential arrangements at least discussed with the owner who had been kind enough to lend the vehicle.
My advice, let him stew. Importantly, you have learnt how your adult son behaves in the real world. Next time, and there will be a next time (got the t-shirt) don't lend him anything or pay anything on his behalf.
And have these arguments happened previously?
I can’t tell from your post if you’re more concerned about the car or the lack of contact?
Job trouble, girl trouble, gf up the spout, alcohol or waccy-baccy, sexual identity confusion, a friend having or causing problems, or a plethora of other items that men don't talk about.
You know your son best, what would make him behave in this manner?
Our car was broken into and a camera taken. The police said' we'll make a not of it'.
Not much else they could do. They are not going to come out and take fingerprints etc.
Son's 'need' trumps the 'need/wishes' of his parents, despite the generous loan of their vehicle to facilitate the move. It does all sound heavily loaded towards the convenience of the son.
Difficult one - getting through this needs both sides to be reasonable.
In law, the son owes nothing, he didn't do any damage so isn't responsible for fixing it. Is there a reason why the son should be blamed (e.g. parked in "dodgy" area, left £100 in cash in view)?
In reality, no-one likes to lend someone something and get it back damaged, no matter who was at fault.
If I was the son, I'd have offered to pay to get it fixed but I'd have hoped that my parents might have (unasked) offered a (50%?) contribution but wouldn't have been disappointed if I didn't get it. I would never have arranged a repair of the car myself - some people have strong views as to who gets to maintain their car (but might have offered to help make arrangements if I could).
If I was the parent then I'd have probably asked for 50% of the cost and if it wasn't forthcoming made an observation about the likelihood of being able to borrow stuff in the future.
In all the above, a lot depends on the attitude of the parties and to a lesser extent their relative financial positions. If £150 is very difficult to find for either party then I can understand everything ending up a bit emotional.
To me the reporting to the police is neither here nor there - if I really wanted something reporting then I'd do it myself. Is there a reason why this is a big issue?
The no contact in 6 weeks is difficult to comment on - is this in character? What prompted the "argumentative and disrespectful" comment - you need to think back to the discussions at the time and try to look at what was said from both sides. It could be the son having a poor attitude or it could be something else. As others have noted, there could also be completely unrelated reasons for both the comment and / or the lack of contact.
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)