What should maintenance cover?

skemp1

Hello,

I would like to get an open an honest viewpoint on this situation, my Ex has just asked me to cover the cost of some things.

I current have 2 kids aged 10 and 13 and I pay £590 a month maintenance, give them £40 pocket money between them and pay for my sons football and mobile phone data. This comes to roughly £640 a month.

I have them 3 nights a week on average and the CSA calculator says I should pay £590 a month, so that is what I pay in cash to my EX.

She now has said the she pays for my daughters climbing, girl guides and maths tuition. This all comes to about £80 a month. She used to pay them £40 a month in pocket money like myself, but stopped this last month, so she now gets the whole £590.  

She now wants me to start covering some or all of the costs for these hobbies over the £590 maintenance that I already pay. She said the below:

"At some point you will have to contribute towards some of these expenses as I can't afford to be funding everything for our daughters development"

If I'm honest I think the maintenance should cover it, but I want to get a balanced point of view. Thanks. 

gettingtheresometime

Any reason why you're happy to pay for your son's football & mobile but seem reluctant to at least make a contribution to your daughter's hobbies?

What do you expect your children to do with their pocket money as that seems an awful lot for children of their age?

skemp1

Yes, because it seems a fair way of doing it. I pay for ones hobbies and she pays for the other? Also, want to be reasonable with it.

It appears now I am being expected to pay for all of it for both kids. 

The pocket money in the UK is on Average £7 per week per child. So is not a lot really. Also, when we were both giving pocket money if the kids wanted any designer type clothes they had to buy it themselves. 

They have gohenry and they are learning to manage their own money so hopefully they don't end up in uncontrollable debt when they get older. 

tightauldgit

Legally maintenance should cover all of the expenses associated with raising the child so there is no legal obligation to pay anything over and above what CSA say (or would say) that you should pay. In theory all the things like clubs, hobbies, pocket money etc should come out of the maintenance (alongside your ex's expected contribution). 

Of course, your ex has no compulsion to use the maintenance as you decide it should be used so if she decides that she can't afford football or the kids cellphones or whatever then she has the right not to pay for them. In that case the kids will miss out.

In your situation you can either go back to her and tell her that you wont be paying any more than you already do or you can agree to pay for certain activities in return for her making sure they happen. If you choose the former then she has no obligation to you on how she spends the money and if you want your daughter to go to girl guides or maths tuition or whatever you might have to do it on your time and still pay for it anyway.

It's kind of up to you how you want to approach it, what do you think is reasonable and best for the kids? Is your ex reasonable or taking the p? How important is the extra £40 quid to you is it worth it to keep things sweet? Pretty much your call on that but she has no way of forcing you to pay any extra.

skemp1

Hello,

That is what I thought. 

I thought I would double check and have just ran my P60 pay, minus pension contributions for 2020/21 through the CSA calculator and I am actually supposed to be paying £508 a month, not £590 a month.

I am comfortable what I am paying if I'm honest, especially as I have them almost half the time anyway, so I won't be looking to pay for these clubs, as I think what I provide is more than fair.

My ex, that is whole different story. She is very mentally and emotionally manipulative and always seeks to make me feel guilty for not providing enough. Some of what she writes to me is awful to be honest.

I just want to pay what is fair and not have these arguments constantly as it makes me feel awful. I do pay for my Daughters keyboard lessons as well, forgot to mention that. 

ZaSa1418

So you pay for your sons phone, football and daughters keyboard lessons and she pays for climbing, guides and tuition. So 3 each seems fair. 
Legally you have to pay maintenance and that is it. 
If you just agree then she will continue to sign the kids up for things she can't afford and expect you to cover the shortfall. 

Mojisola

skemp1 said:

I thought I would double check and have just ran my P60 pay, minus pension contributions for 2020/21 through the CSA calculator and I am actually supposed to be paying £508 a month, not £590 a month.

I am comfortable what I am paying if I'm honest, especially as I have them almost half the time anyway, so I won't be looking to pay for these clubs, as I think what I provide is more than fair.

My ex, that is whole different story. She is very mentally and emotionally manipulative and always seeks to make me feel guilty for not providing enough. Some of what she writes to me is awful to be honest.

If she is like this, should she be the parent with care? 

Would the children be better off if they lived with you and had visits to her?

Clearchem

You are making a big mistake paying her in cash. Many have come a cropper on this when the pwc goes to cms the paying parent has no proof they have paid child maintenance. Huge arrears can be immediately created resulting in your double payment. You have left yourself wide open. As others have said you are under no obligation to pay more than 508. You will have to decide on the balance between giving your children opportunities and paying the providers directly and funding the pwc s lifestyle. 

Ms_Chocaholic

I don't think what Clearchem said above is true re paying cash; I understand that if she makes a claim through the CSA then the period before the date the claim is made is not considered.

Ms_Chocaholic

The CSA do not backdate new claims. If an application is made with the CSA, your responsibility to pay will start from around the time the CSA contact you. If the child's mother had previously opened a case fifteen years ago with the CSA then there may be backdated payments owed.

Clearchem

Ms_Chocaholic said:

 I understand that if she makes a claim through the CSA [cms] then the period before the date the claim is made is not considered.

This is correct but the arrears arise due to the delays eg: case opened 01/11/21, cms gets in touch 23/11 for details then publishes assessment 28/12. Arrives by letter (as it does) after new year 2022. Cash is paid on 02/11,02/12 and 02/01. No proof of this so there are 3 months of arrears already. Even though paying parent has paid. Against a 508 a month liability that s 1524 to pay twice - over 3k