Live-in doesn't think he should contribute to the bills

Bookgal88

My boyfriend owns his own flat. I sold my flat 6 months ago, and I'm due to complete on my new place next week (fingers crossed). We lived together previously and plan to again, but something he's just said is bothering me. He's planning to rent his flat when we move back in together, but hasn't set any of the wheels in motion (sorted out his BTL mortgage, listed it online, made sure all his documents are up to date etc.). So until he does all of those things, we're planning to live at my place, and his flat will be empty, but he'll have to pay his mortgage, standing charges etc. 

He seems a bit narked that I expect him to pay his half of the bills from the day he moves in with me because he'll still have to keep paying the bills at his flat until it's rented out. As far as I'm concerned:

• most things will be more expensive if we're both there, so why should I be paying for what he's consuming? If he doesn't want to pay for two places, he can live at his flat until his tenant moves in and then move into my flat.
• he could have started making preparations for renting his flat out before now so that things lined up better, but as it is, it might be a couple of months rather than a couple of days that I'm footing all the bills at my place. 
• His salary is about double mine, so I feel like paying all the bills will affect me disproportionately. 

He says I'm approaching this like it's a business deal and that he feels like I'm taking advantage of him if I ask him to pay towards the bills at my house (where he'd be living) while he still has bills to pay at his own flat until its rented. Am I bonkers and selfish or is he?

Thrugelmir

Sounds as he's not prepared to make a long term committment. 

74jax

If the rent of his place, will be going towards your place/you, I can see where he is coming from. 

You say why should you pay more, you don't have to. It's your place. Have him move in when you are ready and happy. Why not just have him move in when it's rented out? 

Why did you live together and then not? How were things split then? 

MaryNB

He  should be paying utility bills and council tax. He is consuming gas/elec/water so should have to pay for it. If he doesn't want to pay he can continue to live in his flat until he gets tenants in. If he's hasn't made the effort to get tenants in asap well that's on him.

It's not approaching it like a business decision. It's being fiscally responsible to have a discussion and agreement upfront, avoids arguments down the line. You have to be able to discuss finances with your partner.

pearl123

I'd just tell him that you’re not his mother and he has to pay his share. 

tacpot12

The fact he hasn't sorted out renting his own place means that he is not acting responsibly, and expecting you to foot the bill for this. Of course, he should be paying his share of the costs if he lives at your place. Asking him to do so will give him the reason he needs to move on his plans to rent his property apace.

You should point out to him that it is not a business transaction, you are not renting him a room, you are sharing your living costs because you are living together. 

I was in a similar situation with my partner, and she expected me to give her half the profit from the rental of my property. I was happy to do so, a) because we had agreed that would share everything, and b) because I can't expect to live somewhere for free. So I sort of was paying rent, and I sort of wasn't - it's was a odd situation, but it felt equitable. I have now sold my house. Had she wanted, I would have bought half of her house, but she wanted to leave it to her adult children, so I have the sale proceeds from my house invested and I still pay her the "rent" I was paying before. I would recommend you discuss the idea of him paying you half the profit from his rental, and the options if he sells his property (either he keeps the money but keeps paying rent, or he buys half your property and pays no rent).

Give him some time to come around to a decision. It would be better to fall out now over this rather than in a number of years time, even if this is very hard for you. 

I hope he can see that you are only asking him to be fair. 

kazwookie

If he had that sort of attitude with me, I'd be moving him on out of my life, let him live in his own flat.

Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it.

ouraggie

My partner and I are in a similar position. He owns a house, which has stood largely empty for 8 years, as he lives at mine. Neither of us has a mortgage. I figured that the actual cost of him living here is actually a bit of extra water, gas and electricity, the extra 25% of council tax and his food (very big appetite!). He showers 3-4 days at the gym. Our arrangement is that he pays for all the food, cleaning stuff and the odd meal we eat out. I pay the bills. It seems to work for us. I am paying about the same "extra" as him. 
 He also makes comments that he is being taken advantage of but I just say "if you'd rather pay half of ALL the bills we can do that instead" that shuts him up.
If I'm honest, my fella is also  probably covering all his bases by still keeping an empty house but it's his choice and at his cost. 
We've recently bought a house together and we plan to split the bills 50:50. He will continue to pay the food and I'll pay all the car costs (he doesn't drive, so will sometimes need a lift to places as we won't be in London).
HTH

Mojisola

Bookgal88 said:

He seems a bit narked that I expect him to pay his half of the bills from the day he moves in with me because he'll still have to keep paying the bills at his flat until it's rented out. As far as I'm concerned:

• most things will be more expensive if we're both there, so why should I be paying for what he's consuming? If he doesn't want to pay for two places, he can live at his flat until his tenant moves in and then move into my flat.
• he could have started making preparations for renting his flat out before now so that things lined up better, but as it is, it might be a couple of months rather than a couple of days that I'm footing all the bills at my place. 
• His salary is about double mine, so I feel like paying all the bills will affect me disproportionately. 

He says I'm approaching this like it's a business deal and that he feels like I'm taking advantage of him if I ask him to pay towards the bills at my house (where he'd be living) while he still has bills to pay at his own flat until its rented.

If he thinks you are planning to take advantage of him, he's got the option of staying in his own flat until he has tenants ready to move in!

He's trying to guilt-trip you into funding his life - does he use this technique in other areas of your relationship?

Marvel1

I say he is not moving in at all if that's his attitude, and if you end up splitting up, you are better off.

BellaLasagna2018

It sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you, not the other way round! You say he also earns twice as much as you. Looks like he loves his money most of all.