Husband who recently suggested divorce has backtracked but wants to see financial advisor 23 September 2021 at 11:24PM in Marriage, relationships & families 12 replies 1.8K views

Miss_Ratty

Long story but recently husband has wanted a divorce. He's said my son and I can keep the house and he'll rent a flat, which I don't think is fair, as he's pumped a lot into the property we're in. Reconciliation, but he's saying he wants to see a financial advisor at the end of this month, and wants to know how much I spend on baccy? I'm tempted to ask him when the appointment is so I can make it, but I know he views my earnings as "pocket money", even though I do everything and work full time, yet he works full time and earns a lot more than I do. We had to see a financial advisor after we got married as he thought all bills should be split 50/50, and the advisor looked at him like he was mad, as he was on twice what I was. So he says put everything bar £200 in the joint account every month, it doesn't carry over, but he just spent £400 on his hobby. No bloody wonder I need to smoke! 

Am I entitled to attend the financial advisor appointment? 

Pollycat

How does he think a financial advisor is going to know how much you spend on baccy?

Has he asked you how much?
Have you told him how much?

TBH, if you've agreed to have £200 each per month to spend as you wish, it's none of his business how you spend that money.

But...what happens to the personal spending money you each have at the end of the month if you don't spend it all?
Does it go into the joint account?
If so, why?

T.T.D

Is your “husband” talking to the advisor for financial advice that concerns all your finances combined or just his?

if just his why?

Why can’t you benefit from the appointment as a couple in regards to your finances and joint finances? 

Is he planning to move his finances in preparation for something?

Your expenditure and his expenditures in your allowances from the joint accounts are yours to do with what you want, and him the same, up to you if you wish to disclose what you spend to him, I have a skeptical mind and would be inclined to remain silent in this regard.




 

Ibrahim5

If you spend a lot on baccy you will need less money from the settlement because you will die early unless you have a stroke or your legs amputated in which case you will need more for care.

Mojisola

Miss_Ratty said:

Long story but recently husband has wanted a divorce.

Reconciliation, but he's saying he wants to see a financial advisor at the end of this month

Are you sure he's changed his mind about a divorce or is the FA meeting so that he knows what his situation will be if you do get divorced (or working out ways to hide money before divorce proceedings start)?

If you think that's at all possible, it would be worth starting to collect as much information as you can yourself about the family finances.

sassyblue

Why do you do everything whilst working full time?  He’s taking you for a mug!

yes I’d attend the appointment but I suspect he doesn’t want you to. Is it even a financial advisor he’s seeing, it could be a Solicitor's appointment.

unless he lets you attend the appointment with him I wouldn’t trust him sorry.

74jax

Miss_Ratty said:

Long story but recently husband has wanted a divorce. He's said my son and I can keep the house and he'll rent a flat, which I don't think is fair, as he's pumped a lot into the property we're in. Reconciliation, but he's saying he wants to see a financial advisor at the end of this month, and wants to know how much I spend on baccy? I'm tempted to ask him when the appointment is so I can make it, but I know he views my earnings as "pocket money", even though I do everything and work full time, yet he works full time and earns a lot more than I do. We had to see a financial advisor after we got married as he thought all bills should be split 50/50, and the advisor looked at him like he was mad, as he was on twice what I was. So he says put everything bar £200 in the joint account every month, it doesn't carry over, but he just spent £400 on his hobby. No bloody wonder I need to smoke! 

Am I entitled to attend the financial advisor appointment? 

So are you getting a divorce or not? Do you want to divorce?
You could see your own financial advisor if you want, but I'd rather see a solicitor for the divorce. 

pinkshoes

If you both work full time, then all chores should be split 50/50. As you have been doing it all, then I suggest working out how many hours a week you spend doing this, then bill him his half of your £20/hour rate. 

You should be paying the bills based on the ratio of your earnings, so you have roughly equal amounts left over after household stuff is paid for. All chores should be split 50/50. 

Jim80

pinkshoes said:

You should be paying the bills based on the ratio of your earnings, so you have roughly equal amounts left over after household stuff is paid for. All chores should be split 50/50. 

I am going to disagree on this. As a basis this concept is ok, but everyone is different. For example, I paid more into bills and spent more time doing chores. I worked from home so it was easier to run the washing machine and even though I was paid more and had more hours at a desk, my job could be moved around to fit much easier. I got to spend more time doing kid runs, events, parties as her job had a lot of out-of-hours work as well as needing a chunk of downtime to recover. Towards the end of this relationship it started sliding towards me doing even more chores and her more downtime (without me hah!) which did not work, so I understand the need for balance. Whatever is decided, it has to be fair and work for both of you.

Pollycat

Miss_Ratty said:

Long story but recently husband has wanted a divorce. He's said my son and I can keep the house and he'll rent a flat, which I don't think is fair, as he's pumped a lot into the property we're in. Reconciliation, but he's saying he wants to see a financial advisor at the end of this month, and wants to know how much I spend on baccy? I'm tempted to ask him when the appointment is so I can make it, but I know he views my earnings as "pocket money", even though I do everything and work full time, yet he works full time and earns a lot more than I do. We had to see a financial advisor after we got married as he thought all bills should be split 50/50, and the advisor looked at him like he was mad, as he was on twice what I was. So he says put everything bar £200 in the joint account every month, it doesn't carry over, but he just spent £400 on his hobby. No bloody wonder I need to smoke! 

Am I entitled to attend the financial advisor appointment? 

I think it would have been at this point that I would have questioned the wisdom of marrying this person.
I would have been long gone before he could query how I was spending my money.

kazwookie

I suggest you start listing all bank accounts, sort codes account numbers etc.

If you haven't get your own bank account........