Emotional detachment. Does it affect you?

seven-day-weekend

DevilsAdvocate1 said:

Wow, I thought I was weird as I am similar to what has been described.  Most people tell me that I'm just very laid back.  My mam died recently and I didn't cry or even feel massively upset.  I was worried that it meant I was a sociopath.  However, my dad reacted in a similar way to me and suggested that it was because she had been ill for many years and we were both caring for her.  He thought that we had been through the grief in a way as she hasn't been herself for such a long time.

But I realised, I've never cried when anyone close to me has died.  I think of the person alot in the aftermath, its like I can't get them out of my head, but I don't cry.  My husband has told me that I'd better cry when he dies or he'll come back to haunt me !!!!

When I was in my teens I had a 4 year long relationship which was very volatile.  When it was good it was amazing, when it was bad it was as bad as it could be.  It was always one state or the other.  Never anything in between.  I think this knocked the stuffing out of me in a way and I feel numb inside a lot (all?) of the time.

I never cried when either of my parents died (both very old - dad 89, mum 93) or when either of my sisters died (one had early onset Alzheimers, it was a happy release. The other died suddenly in her eighties at the start of the pandemic, [not from Covid] although she had been very frail with a variety of age-related conditions for several years.  Both were much older than me).

I think because, they were all, in a way, expected deaths . Although my dad actually died in a road accident, he was 89, so I had prepared myself for his death.

These were my adoptive family.  I still have my birth mum with me, she will be 94 in April.  She is physically frail but otherwise  on the whole OK for her age.  I don't think I will cry when she goes - again, at that age, you prepare for it.

I actually did cry when my little black cat died, she wasn't old, but had had a life-limiting condition since she was a kitten.  I didn't cry when my son's cats died, even though I loved them and  they had lived with us for a while - they were 19 and 22, so again, not unexpected deaths.

Please don't anyone think I am saying an animal's death equates to a human one, I am not, but if you have had them a long time they are part of your family.

I have a feeling I will not cope at all if , God forbid, my husband goes before me.  I can't even think about it.  I don't want either of us to be left alone.  We have been married fifty years.  Nor can I  even think of the possibility of my son dying before me.

We are all different, and just because you don't cry doesn't mean you don't care - or vice versa.

pollypenny

I didn't cry when I heard that my mother had died, because I had swing into action. Strangely I drove down to South Wales and found myself, when I was nearly in the village, crying for my aunt, who would have been the one to console me. 

Then I felt I had to hold everything together  for my father.  It was not until a couple of months  later when I was completing the letters of administration stuff and having to swear an oath that I broke down in tears. Maybe that the woman in charge was so cold didn't help. 

Flugelhorn

it can be curious what sets you off - I was OK when father died sorted everything out, dealt with difficult mother etc, did all the paperwork, juggled small kids etc - 
then went to work and one of the very empathic nurses (who didn't know about father)  said "did you have a nice Xmas Dr Horn?" - and that was it.