A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

Pollie

Eating at your desk can be quite money saving. Eventually I used to end up with the equivalent of a free sandwich from crumbs and debris that got in between keys on computer etc.  

Spendless

Exhaust done, was £110 not £120. Currently I can't get into apps on my phone which is frustrating and that now includes my banking app! So, I haven't been able to move money around but my intention is £20 of this cost is from current account, I will borrow £80 from savings and pay back £40 on DH payday and £40 on mine.

We take DD to her new Drama school to start her 3yr degree at the weekend. She has to enrol in person one weekday next week. In my previous job I'd have just juggled hours/days around to accommodate this, now I don't have the AL to do it, so taking her  this weekend (hurrah for the BH!) then we have told her it's then up to her if she stays or  wishes to come back home with us and then just catch the train back in time for enrolment. She's been swaying between the two but last night thought it more likely she'd stay down there.

And the reason I have no AL is because I am going to accompany DH on what may be his last works trip to America in November to Florida, so have used the amount I'll have accrued to do that. This has been put on the CB CC. When the bill comes in we will likely using savings to cover it. I'm now able to see the savings as an amount for big ticket items including treating ourselves, whereas once upon a time, we'd have put in on the CC and left it on there and then not paid it off and created ourselves more havoc that way. If we can instead  pay it from wages that will be great, but until I get a full month's wages it's hard to work out a budget. 

We have 2 more payments then CC1 is gone, again when wages has gone in we might be able to end this one early. 

EssexHebridean

All sounding well under control and positive there!

Honeysucklelou2

Sounds like an exciting trip ( perhaps less so for your DH if it’s for work  but a great opportunity) and something to look forward to😀.

Spendless

My new workplace allowed us all to finish early on Friday - giving us a long BH w/end - perks of being at a family owned firm.

Having a night out with a friend I left my phone with DH to look at why emails were no longer coming through on it. I returned a few hours and a couple of bottles of wine later to the news that my emails now worked, however the rest of the phone was dead! The following day I went to get some new bedding for DD's student place and having no phone didn't check on the time, on my return DD had already set off to London to attend a friend's BBQ. Felt very much like she was back in yr5 and I'd missed her sports day,  by not saying bye as she left for a new start (despite the fact we were travelling down to see her on the Sunday). However she had got the date wrong, the BBQ wasn't on that day! Too much money to return home, so she continued and got into her student digs and then spent the night in one of the other students rooms cos she hadn't anything with her. The following day me and DH travelled down taking all her stuff, bought her a clothes rail (why do halls invariably have a single wardrobe, this is the 3rd halls, only 1 provided a double wardrobe - extra frustrating since you no longer view rooms in advance unlike when DS started Uni in 2018) but left her to it to unpack and set her room up whilst me and DH went back to the hotel (freebie again due to his loyalty points) went and got a curry and DD spent the time with people from her halls who are on the same course plus another friend joined her.  Yesterday we bought her her first food shop, then me and DH drove home and DD went to Notting Hill Carnival for the first time.

I do feel now, that she's at the start of a new chapter and on that note, I will explain the situation re the toxic ex. Earlier this month he put on the musical he'd written about him and DD. It was (mostly) slated in the press reviews. One journalist had his character (based on him) so accurate - selfish, controlling , toxic and hiding it  - that both DH and DD separately accused me of writing it (and they weren't completely joking!). I def  didn't. I wouldn't have been on here contemplating when I should hand in my notice if somewhere  had been bunging me some cash for an article - hahaha. Not naming the publication, but it is THE  name in the  theatrical world - sufficient to give the clue that  I believe a well-known 90s girl band got together after answering an advert in there - for people to work it out. I was intrigued to know how a journalist could work out in just over an hour what had took me the best part of 2 years to do so I , googled him and discovered he did a  combined drama and psychology degree - well, what do you know -lol

After the show had been running for a week, DD decided she wished to watch it. I was a little cautious and only comfortable about it if she went with a friend, which she did. She watched and said it wasn't rubbish - if it had been it would have been so bad it was funny, instead it was boring, average and very m'eh. She said she wasn't invested in it and it was about her! Ex wasn't playing the male role and I've not found any  on-line evidence that he did, all references are about the understudy, whereas 2 different girls played DD's part. He was due to play it from preliminary interviews I saw, so why he didn't I've no idea. DD said she wondered had he really dropped out of drama school and spent goodness knows what on this and for what -  was it to get back at her?  She's now hoping it's out of his system and he moves on. 

Onto financials - Not having the banking app is frustrating. Don't know what to do about another. DH offered to replace it now, or I'm thinking I  could wait for my birthday in a months time and get something better. Don't know. Think the childhood mantra I had as I grew up from my parents 'but we now have to put it away till Christmas is kicking in'. I recall changing schools due to a house move  and my previous school had only allowed writing in pencil, this required writing in pen, so my Mum got me one but for my birthday that was a fortnight away and I couldn't have it till then - goodness knows what she'd have done if my birthday had been the following July!

Spendless

DH wages went in today. Last night as he was working away, I rang him and asked him to move any available money left from the month over to our savings account - it was pennies short of £200 (if I'd the app I'd have moved 6p from my account hahah). I think this money will go towards our November trip.

Have sent DD her September money to live on that's due to hit her bank account tomorrow and will be paid on the 1st of the month.  Her course starts tomorrow, early for a degree but it's because in her 3rd year she gets the opportunity to study abroad so term-time is kept in line with that country. When I wrote my post above re DD and the latest (hopefully last!) instalment of the Toxic ex, I  also meant to also write in the post about what had happened  between them and forgot to! A recent re-read of my diary from the beginning  made me realise I'd alluded to it but never explained. As I'm hoping to now put this whole story to bed, here goes.

Summer 2021 and DD embarks on her first hol abroad with her boyf of 2 years, a hol that was booked a year earlier. On their return both are required to isolate and take various tests as per covid rules at the time. DD was due to take a singing exam during her isolation period and the only way this was possible was to take an optional test part way through and get an early release from isolation. This she did and having got an all clear goes on a night out with 2 girlfriends, one who lives in a neighbouring town with a vague idea that they might all sleep at this girls house. On the night out DD tipsy due to a clash of re-started medication (idiotically stopped whilst on hol) and alcohol she wasn't aware clashed with it accepted several drinks from a lad she met out, that we'll call Jay. When Jay was interested in perusing things further with DD she confessed to a boyfriend. Angry that she'd messed him around Jay took his revenge by contacting the toxic ex (calling him Tex from now on)   and saying she'd slept with him. Tex not only believed his story but as I'm now aware added his own layer of lies on top. I didn't think it was true of DD for many reasons, but she was too distraught to explain fully . They break up over it only to get back together a few days later and then they both get last minute offers to different drama schools to their original plans. DD ends up going to a different part of the UK rather than a Home counties town and  2 weeks later Tex  ends up changing from studying in the capital to going to the same Homes counties town that DD should have gone to live in (all different drama schools, there's never been a clash). They move away to their respective places on the same date, but DD is straight onto her course whereas Tex is on a freshers week. From the start he was out partying and DD struggling to hear from him, at the end of the first week, she sees a pic of him on SM wearing a T-shirt that says he's single, she rings and confronts him about it - his answer is to end the relationship, blame her for it still believing Jay  and his parting shot is that 'he can't wait to sleep with other girls'  which he does exactly a week later with a girl that DD was at sixth form with and introduced him to, travelling to a different part of the country and what he knows will be a guaranteed one-night stand. I am shocked as only hours earlier I'd bumped into him and gone for a coffee (he'd kept a Sat job near our house for the first few weeks) and really thought we'd had a heart to heart about it all. 

 He continues in the same vein, sleeping with girls that DD knows or who I eventually come to find out was flirting with during their relationship (one incident she told me of is finding a message on his phone telling another girl he loved her, he had hidden the girls as a contact under his Mums name on his phone and DD found the message the night they were due to go on hol when they were staying in a hotel that me and DH had paid for having also driven them there!) Eventually everything  Tex is doing messes with DD's head so much that she asks me to intervene and I contact him. His response is vile, he tries telling me that DD has slept around for several years, but what he's describing if true would have been abuse/grooming/SA/rape. Whilst I didn't completely believe him (the circs didn't add up)  a tiny part of me thought about the issues DD had had from her mid teens and wondered if something had happened that she'd never told me about. Needless to say it all turned out to be another of Tex's lies.

I will deviate from this story to say though DD was aware I'd contacted Tex - because she'd asked me to- due to the nature of his reply, me and DH told her we hadn't heard anything back from him. Of course she knew Tex well enough to know he would and  during the Xmas hols puts to work her best actress skills to convince DS that she is a few hours away from a homework deadline and without submitting it she'll be kicked off the course and DS who is then doing a forensic computer degree hacks his way into an unused laptop and from there into my accounts and DD reads the messages from Tex all whilst me and DH are in the land of nod! 
(Thwarted by both kids - this now gives me a wry smile at the time I wasn't best pleased - maybe eventually I'll completely laugh!) 

Returning to Tex's reply to me, in it he tells me that if I don't believe him (because I have challenged him on many things I've now found out he's done) then here is Jay's number and to ring him instead, so I do (DH maintains that Tex never thought I'd go that far and ring Jay - I did because of the state DD was in which in turn was affecting me). Initially Jay is full of himself, remembers the story well and insists its correct, but I am able to tell it's full of holes and tell him so, long story short, he puts the phone down on me but within a week I've heard that he's been in touch with Tex and admitted lying, Tex then gets back in touch with DD. As Jays confession then exposed Tex's additional lie I now have my suspicions that this is why a month later he was targeting DD's now ex friend (not that she should have gone there!)  Of course when that was all over Tex was back messaging DD asking if she'd come back. Thankfully she has never been interested, she said she realised early-ish on after their break up that she'd been in an abusive relationship with him  and then when that didn't work, he wrote a musical about her and him, which fetches us right up to date.

So why am I telling this story now? Therapeutic for me and also it's September tomorrow which for me has always been about new beginning. Whether that's because the academic year marked me forever or because it's my birthday month I don't know. DD starts her degree which is a new start for her too and it'll also be two years since I started this thread so thought it was time.

The above is why in the early days I never made much headway with the debt, but we're well away now and I'm hoping the DFD is in the next year. 

Honeysucklelou2

That was brave of your DD to go to see the musical based on her. 

It’s wonderful that she has a place at drama school and hope she can put the toxic tex chapter behind her.

Spendless

Thank you HSL, yes I agree it was. What happened was we met up with a friend and her son that used to attend the same drama group as DD. He has been at a prestigious PA boarding school since he was 11 as a dancer and we try to meet up with them for a catch up each summer. After a few gins DD's tongue loosened to tell friend's son about it (he's not old enough to drink so it wasn't a dual alcohol filled conversation) and he was able to fetch a different perspective to it inc from a PA angle, pointing out she was possibly likely to be asked about it for several years and also asked  if she'd watched it. She saw the POV he was making, so made plans to meet a friend who lives in London and watch together.

I was having kittens about her going - though I understood why. Didn't dare tell DH who was working away and was very relieved that I only learnt on her return that she'd been made unwanted advances to by a youth on the train down (trying to kiss her and filming it) and was rescued by a 'Good Samaritan' who turned out to be another oddball! Something she only realised when he claimed to be going in the same direction she was, only to weave around Kings Cross/underground in a direction DD wouldn't have taken and then suggested they call for a drink until DD's friend was due to meet her. On learning she was about to become a drama student was very dismissive of the idea and suggested she study fashion instead (as she can neither draw nor sew, I can't see that working out well!) and then the conversation returned to why he'd rescued her and he used language describing the person bothering her on the train that made DD realise he wasn't the good Samaritan whose line of work had trained him to spot  such situations  like he'd claimed (and he'd just dismissed studying drama - the irony - she knows what character will speak which lines!) and instead was someone who had been eyeing her up and seized his chance. With that she made a hasty exit to meet her mate, who summed up the situation that 'only DD could get bothered by one weirdo on the train, to be rescued by who turns out to be another whilst on her way to watch a play about her written by her weirdo ex'  - Quite!  


ETA - I forgot to say last night DD sent me a video over, the first part of it is her just over 2 years ago in tears because Tex had ended their relationship due to what Jay had said and the next part is a fast forward to yesterday her 1st day of degree at drama school where her and her fellow course mates are all showing their hands holding their new lanyards with the Drama school's name on. A lot happier time. 


Looking forward to the trip away too - thanks, though last night fetched an issue with our agreed dog sitters! Slightly miffed about it because we sorted the dog care before  booking my flight and we've got the flimsiest of excuses for the backtrack - why not say No in the first place! Our usual boarding kennels can't help out as they are closed some of the days we need - so currently trying to sort an alternative plan out. 

Next week, a couple of financial things happen.  I will receive my first pay-packet from my new job, though it won't be a full month's wages, I'm interested to see what happens tax-wise. Our last £300 goes out from CC1 leaving a balance of £100 to pay in October (or sooner) and then we should be on the last debt to get through.  

Spendless

Got my first wages and that, plus DD student loan and the money I've saved from my previous job means that I already have enough to pay DD's first rent instalment next month - yay. The downside is there's only £20 spare! However we can live on DH's wages, there's food in the cupboards and it's my birthday at the end of the month and can get anything I might require then. Thinking it would be better to get ahead because the Jan instalment of rent (for exactly the same amount - why not put it into 3 equal chunks??!)  is due before her student loan comes in.

I was feeling frustrated with the almost paying off  of CC1 and wishing we'd divided it equally as 200/200 this month and next or could afford , now I think I'm happier with it being the lower amount in October, think it will help us. 

Spendless

This week I stopped at work one lunch time, wasn't too bad - though I did sit in my car for the last  20-mins -ish. Did it so I could make a couple of phone calls, I now have the dog booked in kennels when we go away with my parents helping out for the days the kennels is closed. I have also booked the elderly car in for a pre-MOT, so I know whether it is fit to pass, just needs a little work or it's a 'sorry - it had a good innings'. I have the money to replace it as tomorrow I will bank a 4  figure sum cheque which is an inheritance from my Grandmother. I am giving DS and DD a few hundred pounds each and treating DH to a gadget he wants but the lion's share is earmarked for replacing my car when necessary.

DS and DiL fly on their honeymoon tomorrow. DH is taking them to the airport. As DD is only an hour away from  the airport DH has booked a hotel o/n (using loyalty points hasn't cost anything) and will drop off items DD left behind/needs and see her tomorrow before returning back.

DD is enjoying her course. She sent me some photos and I thought back to when she was 15 and having a bad time  if someone had said to me then "here is a snapshot 5 years into the future", of her with friends in the gorgeous grounds of her drama school that's the photo I'd have wanted to be shown. I ended up crying in the bath over it all as it made me feel so emotional.