A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

savingholmes

Hopefully the agency will find you a role.

G00gle has lots of post about it. I think just be open and assertive. Say this is the situation. You are over 18 you need to plug the gap in your finances as we can't afford to.

My DS went to uni abroad and majorly messed up his finances. He'd spent a year's SL in 6 months. It was really hard but we left him to get a job to make up the gap. He did. When he returned to the UK he still overspent and ended up with some 40% debt. It has again been hard but he needs to develop strategies to prevent it reoccurring as well as to fix it. Otherwise this will become a lifelong pattern. 

I have given him books to help educate him but stopped bailing him out. DD is doing better at saving but hasn't been tested yet...
HTH

Coxy11

Great news that the agency have found you something already - good luck for the interview next week x

I read 'The Psychopath Test' by John Ronson a few years ago and it's true that they have narcissistic tendencies, nothing is every their fault, they have no guilt etc. Not just serial killers - these people walk amongst us! I have a neighbour who's husband just upped and left nearly 3 years ago, leaving a 20 year marriage and two children. He hasn't seen the boys since and is pulling every trick in the book to try to take the house and not allow neighbour access to savings. He clearly believes he's done nothing wrong. Like I say - psychopath.

Good luck with the conversation with DS and GF. It's not going to be easy but GF must realise that she has to get something to contribute to their living costs, especially as you are not currently working. I wouldn't take a penny from my parents or in laws, would rather get a second job. Do her parents contribute at all?

Humdinger1

@Spendless have been reading with huge interest, the old job are complete buffoons! They are rueing the day already I think. My DD is in a similar position; invited to apply for a foundation year at well known drama school.  She has however decided to accept an unconditional offer from a uni where she loves the course and starting in Sept.  I do worry about the arts under this govt but they can't stay in power for ever...loving your diary, thanks.  Humdinger xx

Spendless

We had a lovely if expensive meal for DS's birthday (but since we couldn't even see him for his 21st, last year, I'll accept this made up for it). Then him and gf came home for the weekend. They've gone back now. There's only 8 term weeks left of DS's course (plus Easter break) and that's it he's done. DH sorted gf's CV out and I had a generic conversation about finding some work if not a directly related to degree job, so fingers crossed. Also did a grocery shop for them and DS found some very old and broken phones and asked if he could take them to one of those banks that pays you cash for the parts. Said he could do this, so with his birthday money, any cash he gets from the phones and a food parcel sent back, hopefully this is enough to tide him over.

@Coxy11 - Do her parents contribute? That's a tricky one. From what I can gather, they do the occasional food shop for them  plus do occasionally visit and  take them for  a meal. For day to day expenses I'm inclined to say No, because I've been told of things like when gf needed to buy her prescription that her Mum sent her the money but then took it from gf's savings account (which Mum still controls). I've also heard of incidental expenses relating to their forthcoming wedding, also being taken out of gf's savings account, whereas I'd have just paid for little bits and pieces out of my wages.

@Humdinger1 - thank you. What's your DD going to study instead? On DD's foundation course they were told if you haven't got in to drama school by your 4th attempt, give it up and look to do something else. Daughter is considering how many times she will try before considering a plan B

Humdinger1

@Spendless she will be doing an acting degree at Northampton.   Course just up her street though in the first year, it's 30 hours of live teaching starting at 8am Mon to Fri! Will have to get a life-size replica of Big Ben for an alarm clock I think...shocking about your son's future MIL's access to her daughter's bank account and her attitude though of course there may be a back story. 

Spendless

Humdinger1 said:

@Spendless she will be doing an acting degree at Northampton.   Course just up her street though in the first year, it's 30 hours of live teaching starting at 8am Mon to Fri! Will have to get a life-size replica of Big Ben for an alarm clock I think...shocking about your son's future MIL's access to her daughter's bank account and her attitude though of course there may be a back story. 

I know someone who went there. He's older, mid 20s now and went to DD's drama group. Similar story to your DD also  offered a foundation  at a well known drama school. I'm unable to tell more though because I also heard he'd taken time out to live abroad, and don't have any contact.  

Spendless

I didn't say before. It's come to light that DD hasn't been managing on the money we sent at all - I did think it odd how she seemed to get through her 'grocery money' so quickly but with working hadn't been keeping a proper check on it. At the weekend I sat down and did so with what we've sent against what the references were as to why she needed them. We have been sending her 3x what we thought we would and a lot of the time this has gone on take away food rather than her cooking meals herself. This is something that needs addressing. She's come home briefly but is going back tonight/tomorrow. I worked out last night exactly how many would remain in Scotland past the end of this month and it's not many. Of those that are it's because they are now in relationships with each other and have taken out a new flat share together. For the others their tenancy agreement ends at the end of March. It's just DD and 2 others that have longer tenancy agreements because with a last minute place we had to go down the private halls accommodation so she had somewhere to live and that doesn't finish till July. For this reason I think DD will be home in a couple of weeks but just occasionally go back to her digs. She doesn't have that many friends here though either and that's an issue and has previously shoved me into the world of 'entertainment manager' .

We are going to have to come up with a plan if she is returning, of her learning to cook, concentrating on her health both physical and mental and finding some work. I'm happy for her to just have a p-time job whilst she addresses other aspects. 

Spendless

Well this is intriguing. One of the permanent members of staff (who wouldn't answer the phone - the reason I was taken on) from where I've just left, lives near my Mum. Both last night (I ate at my parents) and this morning her car has been there at times she should be at work, sooooo has she also left?  I mean she could be off ill I suppose. I'm pretty sure she won't have booked hols as she wanted the time off later this year.

Following on from DS and gf being here this weekend, DD came back for a couple of nights. The international students on her course leave today. I believe that their visa allowed them a week after the course finished to return home, so yesterday was a farewell to some of them. DD came up with wanting a  designer luggage label for her birthday, only the one she wanted you had to sign into a loyalty scheme and spend £100s before you qualified for their 'free' gift. Thankfully I found it on ebay hahaha.

March is a month of birthdays and I always struggled with it financially when kids were young. Thankfully DS came last week when I'd only just lost my job. DD I have most if not all things for and I have  some perfume/aftershave already in for my Niece and Nephew (twins) 21st. I've been sent a discount code for something for my Mum if I spend a certain amount and I'm tempted for mother's day and that leaves my Nan, 98 next week, but in a nursing home, very little you can get here, so will buy a bunch of flowers.  

savingholmes

Good luck with juggling all the birthdays. Does your DD have needs? Would she qualify for PIP?

Spendless

savingholmes said:

Good luck with juggling all the birthdays. Does your DD have needs? Would she qualify for PIP?

She was assessed (not diagnosed) by BUPA as having PTSD, anxiety and depression caused by school trauma. Assessment because  the person (psychotherapist)  wasn't qualified to make a diagnosis but said it was exactly the same process used. We went down this route when she was 17 because CAMHS had proved useless. Now older DD questions herself if she has ADHD, but hasn't gone down a formal diagnosis path.