Finances and marriage

JJYK

I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years

Over the years my career has taken a back step as I have worked part time to look after the house and children. We started out at a similar salary level, he is now the higher earner.

I work part time he works full time and we combine some of our finances in a joint account for house expenses, 50: 50. We jointly own our home.

Over recent times he has started to make significant purchases and financial investments in his name without speaking to me about it.

Most recently he has agreed to purchase a house for a relative to live in. This is being bought in his sole name and I found out after it was agreed. I understand that he wants to help the relative who has been poorly recently. I feel upset that he didn’t discuss this with me or consider the impact this will have on our family income and the needs of our children who may go to university in the next 3 years.

This relative owns properties elsewhere which they don’t want to sell for sentimental reasons.

I am concerned about ownership in the future with this being in his name only. I am unable to save month on month and the joint account is always empty before month end whilst he is building up a portfolio of savings and now property in his own name

We have discussed it a number of times and he says he did not intend to cause me any upset. He believes that as a married couple assets such as the investments and properties are shared assets and would be such in the event of his death or potential separation.

I do not believe this to be the case and I am struggling to move on from this. I would appreciate your views / advice / recommendations.

Keep_pedalling

He is certainly correct in the case of a divorce as everything including pensions would be treated by the courts as matrimonial assets. Not correct as far as death is concerned because he can make a will leaving his sole assets to anyone he likes.

If he does not make a will you would get the first £270k plus 50% of the remainder, the other 50% going to your children.

I guess the main issue here is trust, even if this purchase was made with his cash he should have consulted you before making what was probable a terrible decision. It seems he is putting his relative ahead of you and your children.

He said he believes these are shared assets, so why won’t he put his money where his moth is and give you half of these assets? Putting it all in his name is not exactly the most tax effective way of using marital assets as he is not allowing you to make use of your ISA allowances or for you to build up a pension. 

Mojisola

Have I understood it right that you, the lower earner, pay 50% of the household bills?
Why aren't you contributing a percentage according to your salaries?
Or, as he says everything is joint in his mind, why don't both your salaries go into one pot from which you both take an equal monthly amount and the rest is saved and spent following joint discussions and decisions?

sassyblue

You shouldn’t be paying 50/50 if you are earning much less than him but if you’re happy to that’s your issue.

in terms of assets, he’s right, everything would be considered assets of the marriage and owned by both of you, if you separated.

JJYK

Thank you Majisola that is good advice. We need to re-think how we contribute to the household and make purchases. 

zagfles

It all sounds very odd. He's buying a house for a relative who has properties they're holding onto for "sentimental reasons"? Really?

TBH it sounds like he doesn't trust you with money. As above it's usually more efficient to spread assets or even put them in the name of the lower earner to minimise tax, ensure limits aren't exceeded etc.

JJYK

zagfles said:

It all sounds very odd. He's buying a house for a relative who has properties they're holding onto for "sentimental reasons"? Really?

TBH it sounds like he doesn't trust you with money. As above it's usually more efficient to spread assets or even put them in the name of the lower earner to minimise tax, ensure limits aren't exceeded etc.

That is good insight. I have never shown myself not to be trustworthy with money. I struggle to save - but other than that only spend what I have. 

TBagpuss

Yes, I think there are a lot of issues here - he's correct that in a divorce, the assets in hs sole name would be matrimonial issues and would form part of the 'pot', but that doesn't help you day to day or while you are married.

For tax purposes it's likely that it would make much better sense to put some of the assets into your name or into joint names, and I think you really need to to talk seriously about how the finances are organised ..

It may not be intentional on his part, a lot of couples start out managing their finances in one way, for example and equal split of outgoings, and then never think to change that when circumstances change, such as when one partners income goes up or another's falls because they are taking on unpaid work such as caring for children. However, if he is not willing to make changes once the subject is raised then that's a huge red flag, about the level of control he wants, the extent to which he sees your contributions as being valuable etc.

 The situation with his buying a property is also concerning - that is a massive financial decision to be making without discussing it with you, and among other things I would be pretty concerned about whether he has taken proper advice to ensue that there is either a formal tenancy, and he knows his obligations as a landlord, or that  he had got proper legal advice to ensure that he doesn't inadvertently create a tenancy.

As a previous poster says, if he is saying that you will et these other assets if he dies, talk to him about that - do you have wills? has he eft everything to you? because if not, there is no guarantee they would come to you, and even of you have wills now, either of you could change those at a later date.

I'd propose to him that you review and update your finances generally - put the second house into joint names (which is sensible anyway, as it gives you double the tax free allowance so you should save significantly on CGT when you come to sell, and  move some of the other savings and investments from his sole name into joint names. 

Talk about boosting payments into your pension to top up what you/your employers are putting in - it's a tax efficient way of saving and it benefits you both -assuming you stay married, it gives you greater income in retirement, and if you don't, the bigger your pension fund is, the less you will need to claim from him! 

Talk about changing the way you deal with bills - one way to do it, so you each still have some intendent spending, is to have both wages paid into a  joint account, and have equal amounts then transferred to each of you for personal use. (so, for instance, if your combined income is £3,500 a month and the mortgage and bills, including pension payments and regular payments to joint savings) comes to £2,500 a month, then you would pay all the bills from the joint account, and also transfer £500 to each of you for your own spending .

Alternatively, you each pay a set amount into the joint account but it is proportionate to your incomes, so you are both left with a similar amount of disposable income.
 
If he is not willing to make these kinds of changed then I think you need to look very hard at this relationship and the inequalities of power and control, and the fact that he isn't willing to consider changes 

JJYK

Thank you TBagpuss some really practical solutions. We will certainly look at your suggestions to better manage the monthly finances and he has indicated a willingness to work with me on this side of things. 

maman

Just a query but if your children are almost at university age, do you still need to be working part time? 🤔 I understand that you have put your career on hold for various reasons but shouldn't you be thinking about getting yourself back to it? I can see why some posters don't think you should be contributing 50:50 but you, too, could be saving. 

JJYK

My eldest is 4 years off university, my youngest is only just in high school but buying a house is a long term commitment which we would still be paying when they are at university age.