Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to put extra towards mortgage repayments?

fantomd

Some of these comments are seriously unnecessary, such as "As others have said, why didn't you discuss this before getting the house?". If you didn't discuss, then that's where you are today. It is not a sign of a doomed relationship to be concerned about personal finance, especially when finances are stretched as they usually are when buying a first property or first together property. Almost inevitably, one partner will end up contributing more than the other - and what price on a 'partnership' if there was an insistence on an absolute 50:50 split? If you paid £5k more, then it is only £2.5k that needs to be found to restore the balance - is that not possible? In the long run, that £2.5k might seem quite insignificant. In fairness, if possible you should contribute equally to mortgage interest and repayments (as you are servicing the loan amount which presumably you share equally), but bear in mind that if you split up, you originally owned a little more of the equity than your partner; if for example, you paid £15k and your partner £10k, as a 10% deposit of £25k, you own 6% of the equity to his 4%. That would mean that you would have a 51% claim to your partner's 49% (half of the shared 90% + your original equity). If your deposit was bigger, the differential is smaller.

fantomd

To address your question specifically, if your partner pays more of the repayments, when he has paid an extra £2.5k you should revert to equal contributions of course.

NowVillager

I agree it's a warning sign of future road bumps that you didn't thrash all this out before making a financial commitment. Have that broader conversation now, for example, what happens in the event of pregnancy, illness, redundancy, infidelity, death? Sorry, I know it's unromantic but the point is to protect the people you love and avoid the stress of trying to sort it out when you might be struggling for other reasons.

ETA: if buying 50/50 is important for you (I remember the anguish my sister went through when the 1/2p went), one option could be to agree that the additional £5k includes an interest-free £2.5k loan to your partner, to be paid back, either at an agreed rate they can easily afford, say £100 a month, or via bills etc until you're back to normal.

RheBeeS

We had a similar situation albeit with a bigger difference. My husband (then boyfriend) had a lot of savings but was earning less than me so we agreed I would kind of pay it back informally by paying an extra £200 per month on the mortgage. I still do it now even though that debt is long paid because I still earn more so it makes sense (I also did things like paid for furniture because I built up savings quite quickly with my salary). We agreed if either of us dies we would want the house to go to the other regardless so have never written anything up formally. And if we ever split up, it's such a negligable difference and I keep a spreadsheet of all our contributions anyway (project manager in me!). How you handle it really depends on each of your financial circumstances. As others have said, if he /she had the money to pay, I imagine you would have just paid equal parts so paying down the mortgage might be a better way for your partner to spread that cost. 

Sharonjarvis4

I can’t unsee some of the unacceptable comments you have received. Personally, I think your question is admirable. Yes, you can get a Deed of Trust and it’s never too late. I know a woman who provided 75% of the deposit for her home, her male partner 25%. They got a DOT. It was to protect BOTH their investments. But she also paid all the fees and some initial renovations. They added these to the DOT when they remortgaged. They pay the mortgage 50:50. Since then the man has paid for renovations. I am told they will add this to the DOT. They have now been happily together for 7 years in a mutually supportive relationship. The only reservation I have about the DOT is that each time you get a new mortgage, the DOT incurs legal costs as it appears to be connected to the property deeds. But in the long run it’s worth it. I would like to think gone are the days when the man pays the mortgage and the woman pays the bills rendering the woman homeless when it all goes wrong despite paying half the costs.

Exodi

I'm so confused... why are people bringing gender into this?

wend33

Sharonjarvis4 said:
The only reservation I have about the DOT is that each time you get a new mortgage, the DOT incurs legal costs as it appears to be connected to the property deeds. But in the long run it’s worth it. 

The only time you would change a declaration of trust as I see it is if you agree to change how you are holding the shares in the property ie: one party contributes a cash sum for an extra few percent share in the house. It shouldn't make a difference if only remortgaging. It just sets out the trust under which the property is held

Koda19

It's not petty as £5,000 is a lot for most people, however I do think you've made a mistake not sorting this prior to buying the house. After all, no-one likes a big bill coming out of nowhere, especially from their partner who could have brought up their concern prior to the purchase. That's not to say it's just your fault, as I would have expected the partner to acknowledge this imbalance too.

primrose_penguin

I don't understand why you didn't have this conversation when buying the house. If you put an extra £5,000 towards the deposit so you could both get the house you wanted then I would imagine your partner didn't have the extra £2,500 to share it at the time. I know money is a difficult subject but you need to start talking to each other or you are building up problems for the future. I personally would not mention it now, I am sure during your lives together your partner will pay more than their share at times as will you, that is life. If in the future you sell the house you will probably get a larger amount than you paid so you will not lose out anyway.

matrix11001

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I have just bought our first home together and I contributed an extra £5,000 to the deposit so we could get the home we wanted. Should I ask my partner to contribute £5,000 to something else related to our home, such as mortgage repayments, or is that just being petty considering we've just bought a house together?

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I think that's totally reasonable - presumably it's both your home, so she should contribute the same even if she pays £5000 towards the home or mortgage over instalments if  her income isn't as big as yours. Either way open a dialogue, so you don't feel resentful for not at least bringing it up - money is something that causes a lot of confusion and resentment if not discussed with your partner.

Congrats on the new home - hope you have many happy years together there!