Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to put extra towards mortgage repayments?

Germslayer

You sound like my ex- he put me on his mortgage when I was pregnant with his kid but insisted on a deed of trust for his equity at the time. I ended up working part time for childcare reasons (2 kids in the end) and he resented paying for stuff.
When we split up, he insisted on enforcing the deed of trust (I could have legally opposed, but what is the point)- despite the fact this would be housing his kids.

thedr

Absolutely not

This is something that should have been discussed prior to taking out the mortgage. You can’t enter into something and then ask to change the conditions afterwards. Obviously if one of you stops working then you must discuss how the mortgage is paid, but that’s different since it’s a discussion about a change of circumstances. 

MovingForwards

ap23xo said:

couldobetter said:

Thrugelmir said:

Declaration of Trust. Matter solved. Where's the dilemma?  

[DELETED BY FORUM TEAM]

This is a ridiculously misogynistic view which should be reported/ignored. 

But also frequently gets asked on the relationship board.

OctaviaP

Not sure how helpful the comments saying "you should have sorted this out before" are.

But, as others have suggested, a Declaration of Trust can assign shares in the house according to how much you put in. It would have been cheaper to do it as part of the purchase process, but it's perfectly possible to do now. I paid the whole deposit on our property and we split the mortgage, so we have a declaration of trust that recognises those contributions.

Cretaphile

Purchasing a property with another person, not your spouse, IS a business transaction.  We all go into these things with the rose tinted spectacles on but as money is so often the subject of argument in relationships then it is better all round to discuss and agree such matters before entering into the transaction.  It is a bit late to be thinking about it now.  As others have said, it is only £5K and not worth spoiling your relationship.  If at some later stage things go awry then you will just have to accept the possible loss of your cash as a life lesson!!  Of course if you are really worried, you could agree to put a charge of £5K against the property so that you would receive the money as part of the sale of the property - it is worth it???

Exodi

You should hold the house as tenants in common instead of joint tenants (which I'm assuming you currently are) - I'm sure this can still be rectified cheaply with a solicitor (a Declaration of Trust generally costs around £250+VAT).

Long term though it is idealistic to think that you will be forever able to contribute 50:50 perfectly until the end of time because life happens. One of you may lose your job, you may have children, one of you may get a promotion, or a whole myriad of reasons why this starts to crumble.

I think eventually you have to start thinking as a joint unit and accept that you may end up contributing more.

Greymug

magnusgallie said:

Seems a bit mercenary. I pay the whole mortgage and then my partner puts her salary into savings. We saved what we could together to put a deposit down on the house. I saved more, but it wasn’t a business transaction. 

Is the house under both names, yours and your partners?

How would you feel if you guys split and she gets half of the house of which you've paid all the mortgage?

cmmurphy

I relate to this query as someone who put a significant deposit down on the property my partner and I purchased. I had a property that I sold and my partner didn't. I carried out the legalities regarding this so all covered from the aspect. My partner and I are now earning similar wages and I feel this could be addressed in some way so it's not always there and we can get rid of the declaration of trust and we own this home and any future ones 50/50. I would never want my partner to be living off a lot less than me but we both agreed some contribution can be made. It might take years but that is what is comfortable for us and we're both in agreement. This isn't a gender related issue at all as some of the comments suggest. This is about doing what is comfortable for you both and ultimately my partner wants to balance out the main asset which is our home. Even £100 a month means half of that £5k you put is paid off in a couple of years. As long as the partner paying the half of the deposit back isn't significantly worse off or on a much lower wage then I think something can be worked out. 

Barnsley_Taff

Petty in the extreme.  Are you doubting your own commitment to this relationship?  If so, why the heck are you buying a house together?  It comes down to mutual trust.  If that isn't there you'd better get lawyers involved now instead of later when it will be more of an argument.

eao

There can be many factors in a relationship with regard to money but it is somewhat disappointing that your partner has not brought up this inequality to establish a plan for the future payment of the difference or signing something indicating the different percentage of ownership of the property.