Absolute Mess

Naomim

When my kids were 6 & 10 we moved in with my in-laws for 6 months. MrM and I were on a mattress in the front room so I understand the frustration of living in someone else's house.

However with regards to food, we paid rent and food to my MiL and she cooked for us all and I cooked on Saturday nights and did ironing and housework to help out. Can you and parents not share the food costs and cooking to keep costs down?

LadyGnome

I am not clear how you got into such large debt.  Where did the money go?  This is not about judging what did happen with the money but thinking about how it occurred and what you need to do differently.  Part of the solution has to be changing what you do to make sure this doesn't recur.  

How much money do you need to save to for the deposit on your own place?  What is the number?  Once you have that you can make a plan to save a certain amount each month.  It may take longer than you would like but if you know there is an escape date it might make it more bearable.

Grumpelstiltskin

The only way out of this is to get the debts cleared.

Double pronged attack.

Your debts just don't pay them Stepchange will tell you how to get a breathing space for a few months.

Your wife should go bankrupt ASAP, you will have to save for the fee and how ever difficult you think it is you will have to halve your grocery spend for 2 months to get the fee together.

I think you realise now that you went about things the wrong way, you should have come on here way before things got to this state and this situation wouldn't have happened.

It's no use crying over spilt milk, now you have to dig deep and do everything you can to get things moving to help get you out of this mess.

It isn't going to be easy but sugar coating your situation won't help.

Dave_7

Believe me our lesson had been learnt  we have lived without credit for 2 years now
and we will never take our finance again
but obviously got this debt problem.
I agree bankruptcy is the best option but surly this would make it near on impossible to move out  if some how we can raise the cash.

Andyjflet

Sorry to see, quite a mess really. But you can take positive action to help you sleep at night. Get back in touch with Stepchange and tell them you need help, then get on a council waiting list for rent. Drastic I know but could you get a caravan or something and put on someones drive / land, start afresh, would be an adventure for the kids until you can save for a private deposit. 

Grumpelstiltskin

It's no use thinking negatively about moving out, there will be a way out once you have sorted the debts out.

Take things one thing at a time, save every penny, scrape back to bare basics until you have saved the Bankruptcy fee, then when that is done look at your debts.

There will be a way round this and the sooner you start things moving the sooner you will be able to move on.

bargainbetty

Aside from all of the financial advice, please encourage your wife to seek help from your GP for her depression, including being referred for the telephone counselling services that some regions now offer instead of face-to-face sessions.

If she can be helped to feel more in control of her life, she may feel more able to help the situation by taking responsibility for small things like cooking and preparing meals for you to take on the road to reduce your food expenditure, and it may also improve the situation with the in-laws. A conversation about having a couple of set times a day when she can be undisturbed in the kitchen could be had with the wider family so that she could feel more empowered in taking care of things? Maybe cooking and eating as a wider group would help too. 

theoretica

This page from Shelter has what may be useful points about finding a rental with poor credit history. While your council has not added you to the list four council housing it might be worth asking them if they have lists of landlords who may be willing to accept you.  Could you look in a location that would cut down your driving mileage, maybe?

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/how_to_rent_with_a_poor_credit_history

Good luck!  It sounds really tiring.

Dave_7

Thanks for all
your comments with help n advice to my situation. We will try change things  so can reduce the cost with food
but its hard to explain  until in the situation.
My parents wants us gone as they stressed to  i can tell on there faces. My dad also as recently has bene diagnosed with cancer which i didnt want to share but its another reason why a feel guilty of being here.
we are currently on the housing register
but low on points and spoke to them but nothing they can do as we made us intentionally homeless. When we were renting  we fell behind with rent payments n council tax , it was to much for us  and  no chance  of moving  with no money and our credit being dead basically.
So my parents paid the arrears and thats why we ended up at my parents. The lady on the phone from council basically said if we would have continued  it further arrears and got an eviction notice we would of been a high priority but because we didnt  and paid the arrears and  moved out  its classed as making are self homeless.

EssexHebridean

Dave_7 said:

Believe me our lesson had been learnt  we have lived without credit for 2 years now
and we will never take our finance again
but obviously got this debt problem.
I agree bankruptcy is the best option but surly this would make it near on impossible to move out  if some how we can raise the cash.

Bluntly - right now, you can't move out anyway, so what do you have to lose? If you can get a good chunk of the debt situation sorted out then at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Can you look to rent somewhere in your name only this time, leaving your wife out of the equation altogether? (Apologies if that's not something that people are able to do - it's been over 20 years since I rented).

Regardless, you are definitely going to need to sort that food bill out just to start getting some cash behind you and get shot of your joint debt, plus saving the money for the bankruptcy fee. it is an incredibly easy win too - because you are overspending to such a degree at the moment it will be relatively simple to make a saving that will feel nice and substantial.  A good starting point might be to meal plan, then it saves the risk of making financially worse food choices because you can't think what to prepare on any given night. This is a great time of year to do "no cooking required" options too - a salad can be turned into a hearty meal with the addition of some bread or rolls for example. Also assuming you have access to a fridge, cook double amounts to what is needed when you cook pasta for example - you can do something like bolognese one night with leftover cooked pasta for a pasta salad the following night.