Absolute Mess

Monsternextdoor

The food bill looks a tad high but I can spend £900 on food and drink some months as they eat like horses. 2 adults 2 kids 1 dog But looking at the figures I'd say you need to look into bankruptcy. That amount of money is going to take at least 20 years to clear.

twadds123

So sorry for you, sound a horrible situation.

I agree with many others, you need help from one of the actual debt charities.  Certainly bankruptcy for your wife sounds like a sensible move, her credit worthiness is shot anyway and sounds like theres no real assets at risk.

I'm afraid I cant see a simple solution to your housing situation, I doubt the council will help, as far as they are concerned you have a place to stay, guess you could go on a waiting list but wouldnt think it would be quick.

just on your SOA

for the car you have

petrol/diesel 180

insurance 80

road tax 3

with £36 road tax for the year it doesnt sound like your driving a gas guzzler or anything too crazy so why are the others so high?

do you live a long way from work? £180 a month has to be 3 tanks, without knowing what you drive thats maybe 1500 miles a month??

aslo £960 a year for insurance sounds very high. run some quotes thru some comparision sites to see if you could do a lot better than that.

Hope you find a decent way through this and i wish you good luck with it.

Dave_7

Thank you
15000 miles a year roughly.
Cheapest i could find it insurance
but have points and a crash.

FluffyBabyPenguin

You will get out of this! It may not be easy or fun, but totally worth it in the end. The amount of debt, the depression, young twins and living with parents can really strain a relationship, so make sure you are keeping yourselves loving and caring with each other, and constantly planning a future in which yous live in your own home and debt free. keep communicating. You will get there! Your family is young, you have plenty of time. Remind yourselves of the blessings you have - a roof over your head, healthy children, caring family, a job for you, a whole future awaiting you. Budget a little for small treats, cheap "date nights" and whatever keeps your family together and brings a smile to your wife's face every now and then!

I have lived in a house with a tiny kitchen, it has its challenges but no need to spend £700 on groceries. There's at least £300 a month of that could go towards your debt (or saving up for your future home). Obviously depression is difficult to deal with, but if your wife can see that finding ways of maintaining some control over one's life helps negate the bad feelings, things will hopefully improve. Waking up every day to the same "mess" everyday and seeing no improvement can be discouraging and adding to the depression. I am a SAHM too and I find joy in planning the family's meals and keeping the food bill on budget (haha well I try). Living with your parents, there must be some way of organising things so that it benefits you all? Your wage isn't bad and even if you do one day have to pay £750pm for rent, it will be doable if you have both found a way to live within your means. 

Sncjw

Do you not make meals thy your parents have too.. Surely that would be bring the food costs down. 

FluffyBabyPenguin

Thinking about your situation, some advice I would give that is not necessarily about debt but entirely unasked-for relationship advice... I have witnessed several relationships on my "FB mummy-groups" fall apart because the wife at some point came to believe the State would provide better for her than her husband (not necessarily true but it can appear to be an attractive option to an unhappy wife)! I've seen women who end a relationship and then expect to get a house paid for her, benefits, child maintenance, free school meals etc... and the first the poor husband would know of it was suitcases packed by the door! It's a horrible way for things to end, so I just wanted to reiterate the importance of the two of you making plans for your future together so she knows this situation is only temporary and one day it will be better. With depression, it can be very hard to see that, and living in her in-laws house with little space or privacy while her husband works 60+ hours a week can really add strain, as can facing bankruptcy. 

Living with your parents may save money in rent, but unless everyone is happy with the arrangement, you'll probably want to figure a way out of it in the not-too-distant future! Talk to each other and work out what would be a realistic timescale for moving out of your parents - 6 months, a year? Do you ever get bonuses from work you could put towards a house deposit?

Again, your income isn't that low, you don't pay a lot of rent to your parents, the children are thankfully too young to be wanting expensive things all the time. You can work out where the wiggle room is that will get you enough money to get your own place again, sort the bankruptcy (or whatever the plan for your wife's debt is), deal with your £8k debt (an unpleasant amount but not massive compared to some debts I've seen declared on this board!) and go forward with whatever else you plan for your lives.

Dave_7

Morning  thank you for the nice helpful comments!!

Its hard  very cramped house my wife hates it being in the kitchen parents are always in
im stuck at work. I know i could potentially half the food bill once moved out. Regarding wife working ,  Even if she wanted to work it would be impossible right now , we have no childcare  my parents wont look after the twins as my mum already as my sister young kids full time. 

As a truck driver i was tramping mon-fri but since had kids  i couldn't do this anymore i missed them so much and only saw them on weekends. But i did drop 800-1000 a month wages because of this. 

But im going to need 6months rent  deposit and money for furniture, we literally have nothing. A dont even know we even earn enough to even meet the requirements.

ladyholly

If I can add my two pennorth from your last post. I understand about you missing your children but would it not be worth taking the hit for say a year to earn the extra money so you can save for a deposit and furniture. 2nd hand furniture can be bought quite cheaply using facebook, 2nd hand shops etc. It may not be the best furniture but it can be replaced as and when you can afford it. Dont use credit to buy it or you will end up back in a mess.

As others have said talk to step change or similar (as long as they dont charge) and take their advice. You do need to be completetly honest to get the best advice. Good luck with your journey.

Dave_7

Hi   No its not an option i could not  bare the thought of going back  being away
a like to be there at night. Occasionally i do spend a night away due to nature of the job and it kills me.  Ive spoke to step change   they basically said bankruptcy for my wife would be best option. They did give me option off dmp. 

Sncjw

I dont understand how the food bill will be higher at parents house. Do you pay for their food too. Surley if you eat the same meals it would reduce the costs.